Today's Review: Mint M&Ms

I like to try every flavour of M&Ms I can get my hands on, but I've avoided these mint ones for some time. I'm not entirely sure why, I know I'm not a big fan of mint chocolate, but I was sure these would be mostly harmless. Perhaps it was the price, although I still skipped over them when I saw them for £1 in Wilkinson. Thankfully I also spied some bags in B&M for a mere 69p, so I decided to take the plunge.

I shouldn't have worried too much, these were never going to be awful, just minty, and my word are they minty. It's pretty nice tasting as mint flavour goes, but it's strong, and it certainly lessened the experience for me, although I was left feeling quite fresh. It's a good thing that they decided to go with dark chocolate for these ones, it lends a nice butter undertone that takes the edge off the mint, if they went with milk chocolate I believe it would have just been overpowered. These certainly aren't bad, they're just too strong for my liking. I think I'll stick to the other flavours from now on.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Warburtons Giant Crumpets

I do like a lovely bit of crumpet (pardon the expression). I can't say they're a regular on my shopping list, but I've never met a crumpet I didn't like. Now Warburtons have brought out these monstrosities, some giant crumpets. After all, crumpets are quite small, so why not make a bigger one? Besides, I don't have time to leisurely grill my crumpets, I stick those bad boys in the toaster, and we all know that crumpets are not particularly compatible with the deep trenches of the regular toaster. So these should take care of that problem.

Well, they certainly fit snugly in my toaster, satisfyingly so, unlike another Warburtons product I know and love, one that's made specifically for the toaster... But I digress, what of the crumpet? Well, it's a good crumpet. I know very well that Warburtons make some damn fine bread products, and these crumpets follow that theme. Soft and chewy, with a nice texture and taste. Their size does hurt their cause a little, it's simply a little too much crumpet to handle in one sitting, and it is quite thick and a little stodgy, but the butter soaked through nicely like it does with any good crumpet. So yes, definitely tasty, and one I'm sure I'll buy again. If you're after a crumpet that doesn't have you sticking utensils in your toaster, this is the one you want.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Tootsie Roll Pop

Tootsie Rolls are great, chewy, chocolatey delights that I've picked up on several occasions. But I'd never gotten hold of a Tootsie Pop, despite hearing the well known catchphrase associated with them many times. So how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a Tootsie Pop? A little research shows that a few experiments have been carried out, both with human participants and "licking machines", and results have been varied at best, ranging from 144-411 licks. But I'll give you the real answer.

The answer is a question, and that question is who the hell licks their way through a lollipop? Lollipops are for sucking, surely? I can't imagine standing around continuously scraping my tongue over the same area in an attempt to reach the centre. Turns out it's a rhetorical question anyway, based on the freakishly drawn TV ad from 1969. As you can tell from the gelatinous blob of a boy's constant nagging question, we're all so desperate to get to the centre of a Tootsie Pop because there's actually a little Tootsie Roll inside. 

Now, this is not something I was immediately aware of, only hearing the truncated version of the catchphrase, and I'll have you know it's a bit of an odd contrast. There were several Tootsie Pops in Cyber Candy for me to choose from, and I opted for a grape flavour as there's something so distinctly American about grape flavoured candy. The lollipop itself is pretty nice, a bold, flavoursome, juicy pop, certainly not in the realm of Chupa Chups, but pretty close. But then I got to the Tootsie Roll, and the mix of chewy chocolate stuff and crunchy grape flavour is quite strange. On their own they're both great, but I'm not sure they belong together. I didn't exactly have a bad time eating this, but if I wanted a lollipop I'd stick with the classic, uniformly fruity ones rather than pick one of these up again.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Chicago Town Meat Supreme Pizza Melt

 

After being thoroughly disappointed with my frozen calzone a couple of days ago, I still had one frozen pizza treat left to try. This is certainly an interesting one, it's a pizza in a bun. I mean, it's not particularly outrageous, but it's still a novel idea. Opening up the packet you're pretty much greeted with two small pizzas, one with just cheese, and the other loaded with pepperoni, ham and mushrooms. The base is different, obviously, but the method is the same, you just cook them up in the oven. But then comes the crazy part, you put them together, and voila!

That looks more like a loaded bagel than a pizza, but really it's not a hell of a lot different from the photo on the box. The two halves fit together nicely, and there's a generous amount of toppings and cheese inside, all as good as a frozen pizza would allow. The bun is the real decider here, and I must say I was pleasantly surprised. It's pretty much a cross between a roll and a pizza base, a nice, slightly thick dough that has a satisfying crunch on the outside. It really works well with the topping inside, and while I wouldn't feel happy sandwiching two mini frozen pizzas together in this fashion, the roll like aspects of the bun makes it very natural and pretty tasty. The bun does well to hold all the toppings, and there's a satisfying amount of cheese that brings it all together. These pizza melts are a pretty neat way to enjoy pizza in a rush and on the go. I'm sure I'll be picking up some more in the future.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Tesco Chocolate & Cherry Sandwich

'Tis the season, and on top of their usual Christmas sandwich fare, Tesco have added an... interesting one into the mix. This is a chocolate and cherry sandwich, and it has been met with revulsion from many people. But to those people, I say "calm down dear, it's only a sandwich". I mean, honestly, I hate to rely on the old adage of "if you don't like it don't buy it", but it's not like they've taken the turkey sandwich off the shelves and forced us to eat this one instead. But what do I know, I'm one to embrace all the weird stuff that Tesco churns out at an impressive rate, and I certainly wanted to get my hands on this one. This sandwich consists of chocolate spread, glace cherries and mascarpone cheese between two slices of cinnamon bread.

Okay, I'll concede that this is certainly a lot sweeter than you'd expect your average sandwich to be. But chocolate spread is a thing, they've just chucked a few more ingredients into the mix. I must say, it certainly isn't a bad sandwich, it's tasty even. The chocolate spread is a nice smooth filling, and mixed with the mascarpone cheese it makes for a nice, creamy spread that is certainly enhanced by the cherries. If it were just chocolate spread it may have been a bit thick, but the cheese does help even out the texture. As for the bread, it's alright. I understand they were trying to stick to the sweet theme, and this probably wouldn't have tasted quite right between two slices of wholemeal, but the bread we're given is a little stodgy, and doesn't taste that much like cinnamon. There's a little bit of spice, sure, but it's beaten out by the sweet stuff in the middle. 

This chocolate and cherry sandwich is not a sign of the end times, and no, it's certainly not something I'd consider a traditional sandwich. But it's a different, tasty offering that is pleasantly sweet, although not perfect. For those up in arms, there's certainly the option of not buying it. But for those who want something a little crazy, this is worth a shot.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Dr. Oetker Ristorante Pizza Calzone Speciale

I may love pizza, but I love calzone more. Its all the wonders of a pizza, but folded over and loaded with even more toppings (can they still be called toppings when they're inside?) I'm sure to pick one up whenever I spy one on the menu during a meal out, but I didn't know I wanted a frozen version to cook at home until I spied this in Asda the other day. Ristorante is a good brand too, I love their Pollo pizza, so I was pretty excited to cook this one up.

Turns out I was wrong. I don't want to be wrong, but this just wasn't good eating. To start with, the box told ,e to pop it directly on the shelf, as you'd expect from a regular frozen pizza, but just over halfway through the cooking time it had started to melt through the wire shelf, and I had to haphazardly scoop it up and pop it on a baking tray. I lost some of the filling in the process, but at least it was mostly kept intact. Unfortunately that was just the start of the disappointment. The crust just isn't right. The Ristorante pizzas have a nice, crispy crust, but the stuff this is made of is more like a cheese topped roll. It's stodgy, thick and the cheese on top isn't all that great. Thankfully the filling is more palatable. There's a fair amount of ham, mushrooms and salami, and they all taste pretty nice. There certainly could be more, but what there was was filling enough. The cheese inside is much better, and rounds out the filling quite nicely, but overall I just couldn't get on board with this. Perhaps I'll just stick to eating calzone when I'm eating out.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: Jelly Belly Bean Boozled

This is a box of jelly beans I've had my eye on for a good long while. I've seen it in several import shops at quite a high price, one that I certainly wasn't willing to pay based on the premise. Fortunately, Tesco now have these in stock for the relatively low price of £2, so it was time I took the plunge and participated in this challenge. If you haven't seen these beans before, let me fill you in. 

This box contains eight classic Jelly Belly flavours, from popcorn and chocolate pudding to lime and tutti-fruitti. Unfortunately, they also contain eight new flavours that are based on completely and utterly disgusting things. We have stinky socks, rotten egg, lawn clippings, toothpaste, canned dog food baby wipes, boogers and vomit. But no biggie, eh? Those of us who aren't insane can just skip over the disgusting ones, right? Well, therein lies the challenge, as each disgusting flavour looks exactly like the nice flavour it's paired with, so you don't know what you've got until you've sunk your teeth in. I was drawn to these from the start. After all, the flavours may be bad, but they can't be that bad, can they?

I started out with the pure white jelly beans. As toss up between coconut and baby wipes. I'm not a great fan of coconut, and there are worst things to put in your mouth than baby wipes, so I figured I'd be pretty nonchalant either way. Turns out the baby wipes ones really do taste like baby wipes, a light, fragranced taste that is a lot more authentic than I'd imagines. Based on that, I'm sure you can tell how the rest of the tasting went.

I thought it would be fine. I was a fool, a damned fool. The toothpaste is another egregious gateway into the horrors that lie ahead. You may think it's just minty, surely that's nice? Well, it's so outrageously minty that I felt like I'd swallowed a mouthful of actual toothpaste. The lawn clippings tastes like green, the canned dog food tastes exactly the way it smells like it would taste. The stinky socks somehow have a nuanced flavour of dirty fabric. Even the bodily function based ones are pretty authentic. Well, the booger may be a little off, I can't remember the last time I ate a booger, but either way this was certainly a dirty tasting bean. The vomit, however, I do have memories of, and this flavour was spot on, acidic and foul. Still, I managed to chew my way through and swallow it down. I can't say the same for the rotten egg. It's so authentically eggy, so disgustingly rotten tasting, that it's the first thing I've eaten in a hell of a long time that actually made me almost vomit. I've devoured a whole bar of Dairy Milk just to get the taste out of my mouth, and it's still lingering.

Jelly Belly, I salute you. You thought of an absolutely fantastically disgusting idea, and pulled it off with such sickening aplomb, all I can do is applaud. Clap ferociously as I try and get your disgusting, scientifically accurately crafted flavours off my tongue. These jelly beans absolutely disgust me, but they're perfect at pulling off what they set out to do. Go grab a box, and gag horribly with all your friends.

My rating: 5/5