Today's Review: Tomorrow

I come bearing news of the future, because I have invented time travel, not because I'm writing today's review on the wrong day thanks to shitty app performance. But I digress. Here is a completely accurate review of tomorrow.

I think the most important thing to mention is that the world doesn't end, I know that's a worry for a lot of people. But there are no meteorites  nuclear weapons or solar flares. Life carries on as normal. No world peace declaration either guys, sorry.

As for where I live, the sun will shine all day, and I will go for a picnic in the park, which is very pleasant. Then I'll have to leave early to go to work, which is not pleasant. Thankfully I will not be involved in any accidents, like the explosion of a train in Canada, or the crash landing of a Boeing 777 that will take place tomorrow.

So overall, tomorrow will be so so. Sunny and only slightly boring for me, and the rest of the world will probably yo yo between inspring and horrific events, as always. Just another average day. But hey, at least we won't all become extinct.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Sony's E3 Conference

With Microsoft's far less than stellar performance in their conference, it wouldn't have taken much to heavily sway me over to the PS4 camp. There was still a chance that they'd try to pull the same kind of dick moves that Microsoft have regarding used games and always (or almost always) on connectivity. At least I still had the Wii-U to fall back on in case that happened.

Thankfully I was massively rewarded for staying up between 2 and 4am to watch the live broadcast. It started off a little slowly, focusing on PS3 and Vita titles that are still to come, but clearly there is a lot to be excited about with universally acclaimed The Last Of Us out this week, and several big names coming out before the end of the year. There were also a couple of interesting teasers for Puppeteer and Rain, which certainly look a lot better than your average crowd pleasing FPS games.

But with all that out of the way, it was time to unveil the PS4:

Certainly an odd looking machine, but hey, it's what's inside that counts, right? Thankfully, apart from a few words about the entertainment and Playstation Network features, a whole lot of games were introduced. We got a first look at a new IP that seems to be a main focus, The Order: 1886. Looks like a steam punk monster werewolf shooting romp. Looks fun, certainly more so than Ryse did on XBox One. We also got an exclusive gameplay demo of Destiny, a game that's going to be on both platforms, but with Bungie behind it I'm inclined to pick it up. Ubisoft turned up to provide us with some not-quite-functioning demos of Watch Dogs and Assassin's Creed IV, all standard fare for these kind of conferences, and while it was nice to see the games in action, I already know quite a bit about them. I wanted to see some new stuff, dammit.

Sony certainly didn't disappoint on that front. After skimming over their first party exclusives like Killzone and Infamous quite quickly, there seemed to be a massive shift in focus away from AAA titles and more towards independent developers and the offerings that will be available on PSN. There was a fantastically arranged display of developers playing their games, introducing some truly awesome titles like the next Octodad, Don't Starve, and an HD remake of Abe's Oddyssey that all got me very excited. The next game from Bastion developers Supergiant Games was on show as well, and the whole focus on these smaller titles really showed that Sony is going to take care of the core gamers who want to keep experiencing new and original games.

The best game news of the event for me though was the announcement of Kingdom Hearts 3, which pretty much made the PS4 a must buy for me. So with me already sold, the last part of the conference was really just icing on the cake. Any fears about the PS4 following the same stupid guidelines as the XBox One were confronted head on and dispelled, with a clear statement that games can be played offline, traded in, sold, whatever you like. That got the biggest cheer of the night, but while I don't see how not placing crippling restrictions on your console is so praiseworthy, it really served to highlight how much people are against Microsoft's policies, and how bleak things are looking for the XBox One. With an announced price point $100 lower than XBox, and the gameplay demo for Destiny shown as if to say "We've even got Bungie games now, suck on that Microsoft", it seems that Sony did no wrong during this presentation. They showcased big name titles, as well as new, original, and smaller games that really piqued my interest. Functions and policies were explained simply and effectively, and some neat new features on the entertainment side were introduced, but not massively hyped. Even if they managed to breeze past the fact that online play will require a paid subscription, I'm not even mad. I've seen the merits of PS+ over the last few months, and I'm well prepared to pay for it once I pick up the PS4. Bravo, Sony, bravo.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Microsoft's E3 Conference

From the lacklustre announcement of the console to their awful sounding privacy and licensing features, it's fair to say I had just about given up on owning this console. It seemed to have nothing for me, with a large focus on entertainment and features that I wouldn't use, and putting limitations on the only way I can afford to play games, buying and selling them preowned. But, I held out until their E3 conference to see if they could present anything at all that would sway me. There wasn't much.

First of all, there was no mention of the privacy features that have had gamers in uproar since their announcement. Not that I expected much, they've published their official, if complex and unclear, report on the matter, and that's the way the XBox One is. The Kinect must be plugged in at all times, the console has to perform an online check every 24 hours, or you may not be able to play any games, even if you have physical copies. All of that is established, so all that remained in this conference was to unveil the games that will be gracing this dubiously designed console.

We started out with Metal Gear Solid 5, which was certainly a solid opener. The series is going in a different direction that could work out really well, and will certainly be a stand out game in the early stages of the next generation. But it's certainly not XBox One exclusive, and several of the games that received a large focus in Microsoft's conference can be found elsewhere, such as Battlefield 4 and The Witcher 3.

As far as exclusives go, there were actually a few new titles on show. Sunset Overdrive looks like a quirky, fun shooter, albeit full of generic zombie type enemies, although from the way it was described it seems to be multiplayer based, which is not really my cup of tea. Project Spark seems to be a very customisable game creating tool, allowing you to make lands, allies, enemies and many other various things. The details aren't all that clear at the moment, but I can only assume that when it's launched there'll be phalluses everywhere. Again, this is a game focused on sharing ideas with the community and playing others' creations, a feature that worked well in the LittleBigPlanet series, but again, not quite my kind of thing.

The token next gen driving game was announced in the form of Forza 5, which of course showcases what can be done graphically on the XBox One, but also introduces a strange new feature called the Drivatar, an AI which learns how you drive while playing the game, then goes off an races against other people for you when you're not even there. Slightly baffling. But hey, if you're into your weird game mechanics, there's also Quantum Break, which affects some form of TV show depending on how you play it, but the experience wil also be different for each player/viewer. Not quite sure how that works either, but it certainly seems to be complex and focusing more on cinematic experience than gameplay.

The other exclusives didn't do much to rouse my interests either. There's a fighting game in the form of Killer Instinct, a fan favourite that is turning some heads, but not mine. Ryse looks very much a quick time event laden slash em up with no real substance, and a new Halo was teased, but no information given. Dead Rising 3 was the only game revealed in some detail that I'd actually be interested in, because although there were a few interesting looking IPs, all that was provided were tiny teaser trailers with no accompanying information.

Perhaps I would have been more excited for Crimson Dragon if the trailer had any kind of sound. There were also technical problems at the start of the Battlefield 4 gameplay video, which started out looking like the beginning of COD 4, but then added a boat sequence. It's surprising how these technical faults happened, seeing as everything else was so obviously and meticulously staged. People were brought onstage with controller in hand to showcase actual "gameplay", only to breeze perfectly through sections, somehow showing off all the features and cool parts of the game, while reacting perfectly and in no way reading a script.  Other features were shown and obviously staged, like the application of SmartGlass and video editing, that will most likely never go as smoothly as it did on stage today.

So yeah, I thought it was quite a lacklustre, sometimes cringeworthy, presentation today, with not many games catching my interest. Even their last hurrah, science fiction FPS Titanfall, seems entirely focused on multiplayer, already hailed as a potential Call Of Duty beater. Great news for lots of people, but I much prefer my single player games. I may have been tempted to pick one up to play a few of the exclusives on offer, but all the other stuff that's happening regarding privacy and licensing have really turned me off that idea. Hopefully Sony will have a detailed presentation with a good offering of games tonight, or I might just have to give up on the next generation and lock myself in a room with my N64.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: Billy Smart's Circus

The circus is in town this weekend, and although I have been to one before, I certainly don't remember it. So I guess I was overdue a trip to the circus, especially with kids to bring along too. Billy Smart's was a good choice.

Taking place over a couple of 40 minute acts, Billy Smart's circus showcases some wonderful performers with great skill, covering balancing acts, acrobatics and juggling, all interspersed with skits by the circus clown. It's not exactly a massive collection of people, but everyone is utilised to their full effect, some more than once, and Angelo the clown is always on hand between acts to get the crowd participating and excited for what follows.

It's hard for me to pick an act because they were all quite fantastic, Trapeze artists fly, acrobats spin and climb, and Eddy Carello gives a fantastic juggling performance. It's all done with great timing, accompanied by a fantastic band that plays behind the scenes, and everyone involved is a true professional. There were a couple of slip ups during tonight's show, but the performers brushed it off and simply tried again, to great applause from the crowd.

I can't say I can compare Billy Smart's to other circuses around, but it certainly packs a lot of charm and talent into a small area. The acts are interesting and varied, and everyone involved helped give the place a great atmosphere. This is an enjoyable night out for the whole family.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Siro-A

I had the chance to see what is apparently Japan's answer to The Blue Man Group today, and for free too, which meant if it was rubbish I wouldn't regret it too much. Thankfully, it wasn't.

The show starts off a little weird, with a man dressed in a long tube filming the audience and drawing all over them onscreen. But after a few minutes of unease, the music started thumping, and the members of Siro-A all started doing their thing. Music thumps, lights flash and flicker, images and shapes get thrown around all over the place, and in the middle of it all are our four performers, backed up by the video technicians doing their best DJ impressions in the background.

Siro-A is a show that relies heavily on timing. Each segment revolved around a certain theme or object, but all have a distinct soundtrack that corresponds with the lights and images being projected onto the stage (or even from the stage itself). The cast members play a pivotal role, capturing projected images onto objects that they're holding or moving with great precision, or seamlessly interacting with projections of balls and the like. The movements are all perfectly timed and fantastically choreographed, and the short sequences are widely varied, ranging from comedic to full blown psychedelia.

Siro-A is a beautiful show with a ground shaking soundtrack, with a great cast of flawless performers making everything come together. My only complaint is that it only lasts an hour, and that time just flew by. It may be hard to describe it in words, it truly has to be seen to be believed. I'd definitely see it again.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: "The End Of The World"

Yes, I had to review the end of the world, because even though it hasn't happened yet, it might, and I sure can't write about it when I'm dead. I'm sure everyone who knows someone who's a bit happy with the "Share" button on Facebook the forwarding function on emails, or the real life equivalent of that, whatever that is (moronic bore perhaps?) has heard about this so called end of the world. Basically a bunch of dudes from long ago made a big ass calendar, and the 13th b'ak'tun is due to finish today, which means the start of a new world apparently. Obviously, this has led many people to believe that we're all going to die from a sudden obliteration or apocalypse on December 21st. Even though surely it would happen on December 22nd.

So here I am at 11:45pm on December 21st, and nothing untoward has happened, December 22nd has been happening for almost 12 hours in New Zealand, and they're not dead. What happened? Where's the apocalypse? I was so certain it was going to happen when all the misinformed people told me about it. We all love to share a good bit of drama after all, and what can be more dramatic than the end of the world?

You know what really happened (probably)? Dudes wrote a long ass calendar, got to a logical resting point, and thought "Hell, someone else can make the rest, this will do for a few thousand years" (It probably didn't happen like that). So people half read history books, misinterpreted information, assumed the worst, compounded the situation and posted it all over the internet for the whole world to share moronically. Maybe it would be good if the world ended, I wouldn't have to hear people talking about the latest superstitious crap that's definitely going to happen.

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: Disney Buying Lucasfilm

It has been announced today that Disney have bought Lucasfilm for the small sum of $4 billion dollars. This also comes with the news that there will be three new Star Wars movies made, and that George Lucas will be serving as a creative consultant.

How should we feel about this? I for one am somewhat excited. Many are apprehensive after the prequel trilogy of Star Wars, and the last instalment of Indiana Jones. They want their beloved franchises to remain as unsoiled as they can be, and Disney seems to be this big kid friendly company who are looking to shit all over them. But Disney has done a lot of good in my eyes recently. Since they made John Lasseter chief creative officer of Walt Disney Animation Studios we've seen some classic movies like The Princess And The Frog and Tangled, and the awesome-looking upcoming Wreck-It Ralph. Disney also acquired Marvel back in 2009, and in recent years they have provided us with some high quality superhero movies culminating in the kick-ass ensemble Avengers movie.

So yes, Disney have Star Wars. Will they ruin it? I'd like to think they won't. Many people think that it's been pretty ruined already, by the guy that created the whole thing. But now he's not the one in charge maybe we'll have someone around to knock ideas like Jar Jar Binks and crystal alien skulls on the head before they become a reality.

That's my opinion anyway, but since I'm a huge Disney fan I may be a little biased. Not that I'm completely sure these new Star Wars will be fantastic, but I am cautiously optimistic about what we shall receive in 2015.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Getting A Filling

I went to the dentist today for the first time in a long time. Tut tut, you may say, but there was really nothing bothering me about my teeth that I felt demanded urgent attention. There was a spot between tow of my front teeth that periodically bled while brushing, and this is what I mentioned to the dentist during my checkup. Well, it turns out my teeth were all pretty good, but that spot where the bleeding was happening had a cavity.

Well damn, that's not what you want to hear about your front teeth. But luckily enough, the dentist told me she'd put a white filling in there, and she could do it right now if I wanted. Not wanting my new dentist to think I had commitment issues, I quickly agreed. After all, there's no time like the present. So onwards we went. She asked if I'd like to have the area numbed first, informing me that it wouldn't be too uncomfortable but there would be some pain. Here's the catch-22 of dentistry. I've had fillings before, I've also had orthodontic work in the past, and the injection they give you to numb any potential pain goes right in the roof of your mouth and hurts like a bitch. So I figured I'd try it sans goofy juice, 'cause I'm a big tough man, I can take it, and also I had work straight after and I didn't want to slur my way through the shift. There'd probably be some drooling involved too. Not pretty.

So the procedure began. Some nice light cleaning of the area, I love all those suction and spray pipes that rid you of your need to swallow saliva. "This isn't too bad" I thought, foolishly. Then came the drill. There's a funny thing about being in pain when two people are staring intently into your mouth. Normally your first reaction when in pain is to shield the painful area, and also to moan or contort your face in some way. But when a dentist is directly causing pain by cutting away at one of your teeth, there's not much you can do to convey it. Well, if it was bad enough I'm sure I could have reached out to slap them or something, but it wasn't excruciating, just pretty painful.

So here I was, laying in a chair, a woman literally boring a hole in my tooth while another harvested my saliva for probably nefarious purposes, and all my body could do to respond to the situation was to widen my eyes to a look of intense discomfort and pain. Not that it helped, these are dentists, not opticians, they probably don't even know what eyes are. Soon, it was over. When the tools were out of my face I had a sneaky little tongue of the affected area, and discovered a pretty massive hole. How is this meant to help? "Oh, I see bacteria have caused a small cavity in your tooth. Let me fix it by making it bigger". But I guess them's the breaks in the dentist world.

After that it was pretty simple. Some amount of stuff got jammed into my newly acquired tooth hole, and the assistant kept pointing what appeared to be a laser gun at it until it beeped enough times. I wasn't sure of the details because I was more concerned with getting out of the room alive, but at the end of it I had no hole, and instead a build up of what seems like dried super glue at the back of my tooth, which I have been assured will fall off in due time. But all in all I must say it wasn't a very pleasant experience. If someone informs you that they decided to have a filling one day and really enjoyed it, I don't think you should believe them. They're probably wrong in the head or something.

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: The Olympics Opening Ceremony

I'm not a sporty person, nor am I a fan of sports. I don't care about the Olympics at all. But my country is so enamoured with it I feel I have to at least be aware of things. To be perfectly honest I'm not a patriotic person either, and for a while I was scoffing at people who were brimming with British pride. Then I realised that makes me a douche, and if people want to be proud of their country and excited for a worldwide event then good on them. Whatever makes them happy. So last night I watched the opening ceremony, and while my brain came up with many sarcastic comments, as is the norm for me, I must say it wasn't too bad.

Sure, the show at the start was over an hour of British masturbatory pleasure, but it was well planned,  and had a pretty impressive scope. The forged rings, the cauldron, all very visually impressive. It was good to see the best of Britain scattered around for good measure, Mr. Bean, James Bond and... Dizzee Rascal? Yeah, that whole digital revolution thing wasn't a particularly great point, since it seemed to focus on how loud teenagers use technology to meet up in clubs and listen to awful music. 

Still, we got some good music in the end. Arctic Monkeys covering The Beatles, Paul McCartney being tacked on at the end instead of with the Arctic Monkeys... That was weird. Saying that, a lot of people are hating on him for his performance. Come on people, he's 70 years old, you see if you can do better. I farkin' loved it.

There was a large part of me that wanted to cringe, to say how lame it all was, but the truth is I quite enjoyed it. There was the boring bit in the middle with the procession of the country's teams, but I nodded off during that so it didn't affect me too much. Plus it was fun listening to the commentators trying to come up with something to say for the most obscure countries. But I'm glad I watched it. It was nice to be part of something, even if I don't feel that buzz that everyone else does. I probably won't watch any of the sports, but that show, while a little cheesy in places, was pretty awesome.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Valentine's Day

Ah, love. As the mutated stop motion insects of the James And The Giant Peach movie once sang, love is the sweetest thing. They also said that it's the strangest thing in the next chorus, but I guess that's true. Love is strange, love is sweet, love can be many things, particularly a method for corporations to gain craploads of money by dedicating a specific day of the year to the celebration of love.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. If you're in love with a special person, namely if you're a man in love with a woman, today is apparently the day to let them know more than you usually do, and you're expected to do so by spending vast amounts of money on flowers and chocolates, expensive dinners, jewellery, and various other tokens that represent romance these days. Or, if you're feeling particularly creative, you could create a token of love at no financial cost, but filled with thought and effort. Sometimes that works better than generic gifts, and if not, then hey, at least you know she's only in it for the material things.

Valentine's Day isn't good for everyone though. On the run up and arrival of this day, the people without valentines are constantly complaining about this "celebration of love" that they can't partake in. Today is the day that they are constantly reminded of their lack of a partner. I suppose they have sort of a point, but really? Complaining about Valentine's Day because you're not seeing someone? That's like complaining about Chinese New Year because you're not Chinese. All these damn fireworks and dragons all in my face. Okay, I guess the lack of a relationship can be more personally painful than not having a certain heritage, but if you don't like Valentine's Day, just ignore it. It won't go away, but let the lovers be lovey and everything will be back to normal tomorrow.

I have a valentine though, of course, in the form of my fiancée and mother of my beautiful children. We're not partaking in Valentine's Day this year though, because we have to pack to go to Disneyland tomorrow, and all of the money we could be spending on gifts has already been spent on that. We don't spend too much time on Valentine's Day anyway, because the anniversary of the day I asked her out is the 7th of March, and holding out for a few more weeks to celebrate a more personal day just feels better. The restaurants aren't packed, the flowers aren't overpriced, and there aren't hundreds of other couples trying to do the same things in one rushed, cramped night.

So I somewhat agree, singletons, Valentine's Day isn't all it's cracked up to be. I could rant at length about how commercialised it all is, but we've heard it all before. If you want to celebrate your love, do it every day you can, or pick a day that means something to you personally. But for those who aren't that great at showing their romantic side, at least there's a day that pushes them into showing their love. Love is good, yo.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: New Year

We're now living in 2012. Oooh, it's like the future, man. What will happen this year? Will humanity start to dig itself out of the hole it's in, or will we merely perish in some as yet unknown (publically) enormous disaster? Whether the world is ending this year or not, last night was New Year's Eve, the night after which many promise to become better people, even if there isn't a widely publicised threat on their lives. New year's resolutions are a staple of our culture, our chance to get a fresh start, start doing things we never did, or give up things that we shouldn't be doing. I can be a cynic at times, so obviously I have wondered what the big deal with it all is. Sure, it's a new year, I get the symbolism, but why is this the point at which we decide to change? Why can't we do that on a whim, at the dawn of any other day?

I guess there is some reasoning behind this mass creation of resolution, and that is the complete mess the night before can become. Nowadays it is a prerequisite that on New Year's Eve you drink yourself silly, and for some people, getting drunk invariably makes them assholes, and for the rest it can mean a killer hangover. In the past few years I have heard numerous stories of bad events on New Year's Eve. People falling in rivers, people getting into arguments, people beating the crap out of each other. I'm not normally one to go out on the town, but I know for sure that even if I did start going out regularly, I would stay the hell away from a crowded bar on New Year's Eve. Last night I spent a quiet day with my fiancée and kids, and then spent an evening with a couple of people over, eating snacks and playing board games. It was fun, I didn't drink, and I didn't particularly wake up this morning with a desire to change myself for the better. Meanwhile there were probably millions waking up swearing they'd never drink again.

I'm not saying I'm a better person for avoiding all the drama. I'm happy with what I have, but some people are indeed happy getting drunk and squeezing into a bar with several other people. I've always been quite a quiet person, and I understand that more outgoing people want to get out there and live it up. People like to have excuses to celebrate, and landmark dates to set goals for themselves. I must admit, even though I don't normally indulge in making resolutions, this year I've decided to start this year with a couple of changes. I suppose it is nice to have a landmark day on which everyone starts trying to be a better person, but it's a shame that New Year's Day can be preceded by drunken misery. Maybe it's just the stories I've heard that have put me off. Many can have a wonderful time. For me though, it has soured the experience somewhat. But hey, it's New Year's Day, so let's all promise to be better, okay? Could be our last year alive, you wouldn't want to die with everyone thinking you're an asshole, right?

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Boot Sales

You don't get anything that's much more English than a car boot sale. When Americans want to sell loads of crap, they just put it on tables in their front yard for a day or two. But English people? None of that, that's too easy. We have to get up at 5am, load all of our stuff into a car, drive to a field and lay it all out, and hope that it sells when there's nearby competition from loads of other people. People love going to boot sales to buy things too, it's pretty much an English Sunday tradition to get up early, go and buy someone else's crap, go home, have a roast dinner and then go to sleep.

Anyway, I love boot sales because I love finding bargains, especially of the nerdy variety. One of my most prized finds is an Um Jammer Lammy figure that I bought a few years back for 50p, fackin' bargain. Today I was on the lookout for a SNES, but it was not to be. I did take £100 with me though, I was sure I wasn't going to spend it all, but after buying some toys, lending some out to my mother and buying some drinks, I came home empty-walleted but with these:

Did I say some toys? It was more like an entire carful of toys. I spent £75 on this lot, which may seem like a lot to fritter away at a car boot sale, but if I were to buy this stuff new it would cost a hell of a lot more. I got a PSOne for £4, loads of cheap Megadrive games, and the toys were stuff that we have been looking for on eBay, but at a fraction of the price. You see, while eBayers want ot get rid of their stuff, they're probably not too fussed about it, 'cause they can always list it again at a lower price if it doesn't sell. But people at car boot sales? They've paid quite a lot of money for their pitch, and they want to make that amount back, plus profit, and not leave with a load of crap that they came to get rid of. So things are cheap, pocket money cheap, and there's always room for haggling.

So car boot sales are awesome. I would go to one every week, but I work some Sunday mornings, and also my financial situation would simply not allow it. Because if there's one bad point to boot sales, it's that it's easy to spend far too much. Not having been to one in four years, I was happy to part with quite a bit of cash for some true bargains. But I certainly wouldn't make a habit out of it. Please visit car boot sales responsibly.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: My Trip To Legoland

I could review Legoland itself today, but my experience today has left me tired and infuriated, and I'm sure it's not representative of a regular day at Legoland. So instead I'll review this one trip in particular.

My parents were kind enough to offer to take us to Legoland before my father returns to Oman, trouble is he left half of his driving licence in said country several thousand miles away. So instead of the rental car we would have to take us there they procured some cheap train tickets. Here's a hint, going on a two and a half hour train journey with various changed is not the easiest thing to do with two small children. Still, we got to Windsor without much difficulty, trouble is we left home at 9am, so by the time we'd gotten the bus from Windsor station to Legoland itself, alongside the car traffic, it was after midday. With only six hours left until closing time, imagine my frustration at having to queue for tickets for over half an hour. I put this down to the customers, as we got through the transaction quite quickly, apparently most people don't know how to effectively buy tickets.

But soon we were in the park. After a spot of overpriced lunch we took the un-Lego looking train down to the bottom of the hill and went through Mini Land to get to some rides. Mini Land itself is pretty impressive, with a faithful small scale Lego model of London and several other places from around the globe. Both the kids liked to stop and stare and point out the trains and boats going around.

The rides were a bit annoying though. There was quite a bit of walking between them, and the wait times were quite long because there weren't many spaces on the carriages, or enough cars to go in. I know it's expected from a theme park, but I'd really forgotten how tiresome waiting is. We took Amelia to Disney World when she was around the same age Alex is now, and the waits seemed so much longer from looking after him. The lack of rides suitable for under 3s was a little disappointing too. I knew there probably wouldn't be a whole lot, but being used to Disney World and Adventure Island in Southend I thought there could've been a bit more. After much walking and waiting, we didn't get to go on many rides in the end, about five or six in total despite the closing hours being extended to 7pm.

We left slightly before that to go into the gift shop, but for some reason it was insanely hot in there, as if their air conditioning had not only broken, but decided to do the complete opposite of its purpose in life. After failing to convince Amelia to buy the more plentiful and cheap box of Lego blocks to start our collection, we left with a £50 Cars 2 Lego set (paid in part with some of her birthday money, we ain't spoiling our kids... too much). So yay, not a bad day overall, time to go home.

Oh wait, the last bus was at 5:30pm. Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as the park closes after that. What do we have to do now? Get in a six seater taxi. What's that? Massive traffic jam coming out of Legoland? Sure, why not? There's nothing more we like than paying a £30 taxi fare on top of the return bus tickets that are now useless. Thankfully, due to the power of my iPhone, I was able to effectively plan every train home whilst stuck in traffic, so the rest of the trip was relatively smooth. But since we left at just after 7pm and got home after 11, I wouldn't say it was the best trip ever. Kinda put a damper on the day really. Apart from the onion rings I got at Burger King. That was smart.

So it wasn't really the best trip. Took ages to get there and back, the queues were long, not many rides were ridden, but the kids seemed to enjoy it, so I guess it wasn't a total failure. Also, if you're going, I suggest you buy the £6 refillable souvenir cup, you will make your money back in regular drinks refills versus the extortionate prices they pay for separate bottles. Yeah, I'm super smart.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Ben & Jerry's Sundae On The Common

There are two types of people in this world, those who love Ben & Jerry's, and those who haven't tried Ben & Jerry's. I guess there could be a group of people who have tried Ben & Jerry's and don't love it, but I hardly think they can be classified as people. I for one love Ben & Jerry's, so imagine my excitement when I learned that they were hosting an entire festival of music and ice cream.

Well, around five years ago, that is. I've been four times since then, so one could say I'm a bit of a Sundae On The Common veteran, especially due to the fact that I can validly moan how it cost me £5 to get in the first time compared to the £17 a ticket I shelled out this year. But it's still worth it, because it means free Ben & Jerry's all day long. But there are other things too.

There are band, sure. What festival would be complete without bands? The Sundae lineups have always been a bit low key. They've always managed to pull in someone quite well known to headline though, and while today saw performances from Gary Numan and Maximo Park, I didn't particularly pay too much attention to the music. Mainly because these guys were with me:

Amelia is a good kid, she basically doesn't run off, she's well trained. Alex, not so much at the moment. I'm sure his time will come, but right now he just likes to run off in random directions. So a lot of our time was spent chasing him down, fighting off ice cream related tantrums and cleaning up the aforementioned ice cream. And there was a lot of ice cream. Dotted around the field are various marquees, each of which is host to two or more different Ben & Jerry's flavours. You line up, get a free scoop of your choice and go on your merry way. You can do this all day long. It's an all you can eat awesome ice cream buffet. The only problem is that obviously the queues can be quite massive, but at the start of the day, and at the end when people start to leave and watch bands, it's quite easy to walk in and out within a couple of minutes. Needless to say I ate a lot of ice cream. I pretty much love every flavour, though Phish Food is my favourite. The most elusive of the day though, was this:

'Wich hasn't been on sale for a little while, but now it's coming back. There were a few women handing out whole 'Wichs from baskets, but they were elusive and ran out quickly. I managed to snag two though, 'cause I farkin' love 'em.

So yes, there is ice cream. Lots of ice cream. And while you can make up the price of the ticket in ice cream consumption alone, it is getting harder now the prices are rising each year. But fear not, there is much more to do. There's a petting farm, helter skelter, carousel, toe wrestling,  and many other activities peppered around the place. These activities are where the festival really shines through. There's an absolute ton for kids to do, which makes it a really nice family oriented event. The best part for the kids was the play area tucked away in the corner, boasting a marquee full of toys, a magic show, balloon animals, face painting and a bouncy castle:

We spent the better part of two hours in there. The kids actually stayed in one place for once, and it was great to see them have so much fun with the wealth of toys all over the place. But soon it was time to go and get more ice cream, 'cause ice cream is awesome and we all love it.

Sundae On The Common is basically the best festival I've been to. I used to go to V, but I've found that nowadays it's full of complete dicks and is an entirely unpleasant experience. Sundae is a breath of fresh air. Everyone seems to just be having fun, especially the growing number of kids we see from year to year. The addition of free ice cream just makes it so much better. Ben and Jerry deserve all the praise they can get, so I would definitely recommend this day out to anybody I meet. But don't all come at once, I don't want to wait too long for my ice cream.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Glee Live

Glee is huge. It's probably a lot more successful than anyone thought it would be. I'm gonna go into this review assuming that everyone at least knows a bit about Glee, but forgive me for rattling off names and scenarios you don't know, but this is a review of the live concert, not the TV show itself.

The least you probably know is that Glee has songs in it. Lots of songs. I'm actually very impressed with the way the show is made. Instead of just churning out song after song, the script can be absolutely fantastic, and I'll openly admit to welling up on a few occasions. The songs are great though. They fit in with the theme of the episodes, are suited to the characters who sing them, and there are always full versions of the songs in each episode ready to go online for fans to buy after the show. Albums have been churned out at an alarming rate, so it was only a matter of time before a tour was put together.

It could have been a half-assed effort. They could have just trotted out the key members of the cast and gone methodically from number to number, maybe even set up a "Glee Experience" if they were feeling especially lazy, I'm sure people still would've paid for it. But not Glee, oh no. This show is put together with love.

Every single member of New Directions was there in full force, completely in character. Props and dances were transferred over to the stage with great precision, there are the T-shirts from the "Born This Way" number, Brittany's Britney outfit, and even a nice little slushie throw at the audience. Everyone got to perform a number of their own, and it was good to see a mix-up of big group numbers and solos or duets. There's even a mini set from The Warblers, which I farkin' loved, because I've always had a soft spot for a capella groups, and The Warblers were an awesome addition to season 2.

The songs themselves were flawless. I always like to keep an ear out for whether vocals and backing tracks are live or not, and while backing tracks were present in quite a few songs, there was a full band behind the club when they did their big group numbers. Puck and Sam got their guitars out for their numbers, and Finn even had a go on the drums. Everyone in this show really can sing too, at times I was in disbelief that they were signing live, because the songs sound just as good as they do on the show. This show really elevates the Glee cast members to new levels of esteem for me, they're not just well rehearsed television actors, they truly are full-fledged stage performers, able to sing, dance around and change costume with perfect timing.

To put it simply, I had a blast. The show only lasted an hour and 20 minutes, which kinda sucked, but the songs were perfectly balanced between chart hits, show numbers, solos and group songs. There were flawless performances all round, and no one character shined through more than anyone else, they were all equally amazing. If you like the show, watching Glee live is awesome experience.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Trip To Jebel Akhdar

Alriiight, time to take in the sights. We set off early this morning to Jebel Akhdar, a huge mountain range just over an hour's drive from the house. We've been there before, and had a little wander through some of the tiny villages near the top, but this time we were going to one of my dad's colleague's (Mohammed) houses for some proper Omani cuisine. Exciting.

We met Mohammed's son at the bottom of the mountain and I got into his car, as you're not allowed through the checkpoint with more than six people in your car. Presumably because if seven people plunge to their death due to failed brakes the paperwork load is considerably larger. But we were all good, and before long we were going up the twists and turns of the steep roads going towards the summit. After the initial climb I was treated to the sights of the range spreading into the distance, with natural folds and textures that are a wonder to look at. I was also mulling over how best I would leap out of the vehicle and save my family should the brakes fail on their car behind me, but hey, that's just me.

After a particularly curvy and steep section of mountain, we got to Mohammed's village. With my life now out of immediate danger I could fully concentrate on things. Mohammed's house is massive. He told us that in his other house it was hard to move around, so he just built a house with absolutely massive rooms instead. He gave us a small tour, before we were ushered back into the guest room. And along came the food.

Lots of food. Awesome food. Look at those grapes, they're massive. After remembering not to eat with my left hand like normal, because that's how I'm suppose to clean myself after making toilet, I nommed heartily. Next came the coffee to wash it all down. Tiny cups, but a very distinct flavour.

But that was just the beginning. The main course wasn't ready yet, so off we went for a tour of the village, including the ruins of the old houses, some of which were destroyed during the Jebel Akhtar war. Some good views of the mountain ranges too.

But soon enough it was time to eat. We'd visited Mohammed's other house on a former trip to Oman, and it was probably my most enjoyable experience of the holiday, so I was highly anticipating doing it again. I was not disappointed. 

Rice. So much rice. This is what was left after everyone was given a portion. Omanis eat a lot of rice. More rice than your standard Brit can handle, which caused Mohammed to continuously ask why we weren't eating much rice. The correct answer was "because my stomach is about to explode", but that probably wouldn't be the polite thing to say. Anyways, also on the menu was chicken curry.

Pretty damn good. Large pieces of chicken on the bone, wonderfully cooked. Not too spicy either, which was welcome after a walk out in the sun. I enjoyed it, but what I was really looking forward to was this:

I've dreamed about this beef. It's probably some of the best beef I've ever tasted, and it was cooked in a hole in the ground. The first time I had it it was so tender, almost crumbled in the mouth, and it tastes so so good. This time Mohammed apologised for it not being cooked for as long as normal, but his family had only arrived at the house that day. Sure, it was a bit tougher than before, but that didn't stop me eating four portions. So good, so good.

We were provided with forks and spoons and the like, and while I was thinking about eating the Omani way, the food was a tad too hot to squish into my vulnerable palm. But I sat on the floor, and accepted most of the things that Mohammed offered my way. Lunch is a big thing in Oman, they eat craploads and then have a siesta. I can't see a single thing wrong with that, but Mohammed was clearly weirded out that we were eating so little, and started to apologise that we didn't like his food. But a prompt explanation by my dad that we English are just pussies when it comes to big portions sorted things out. 

After lunch, some nice sweet tea and a small chat, and we were off. We went to a couple of other viewpoints near the summit, from one of which I could see the village we stopped off at before.

We were pretty high up, about 2,000 feet, but the villagers have managed to divert the spring water from the mountain down through a falaj in order to grow crops on the cliff face. I walked along one of these last time I was here, and it's cool to see the intricate pathways that have been made, with rags placed at certain points to block water flow to different areas. 

But it was getting late, and the kids were getting cranky, so homeward bound we went. But it was a very enjoyable day. Jebel Akhtar is probably one of the most astounding sights of Oman, and the culture you can experience in some of the villages is second to none. Mohammed's family were wonderful. They gave us a friendly reception, the young ones played well with the kids, and of course they served us massive amounts of awesome free food. Cannot complain at all.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: My Much More Eventful Day

Just sayin'. So, I was woken at 5:30 this morning. That sure was fun. But I had some time to take a nap before we headed out. Good thing too, we went to quite a few places. Which means I took in  bit more culture. Not too much though. First stop was the aquarium, or as the Omanis call it:

Much more catchy. Really it was just one room with a few tanks. But entertaining enough. I saw this guy, who I named "Grumpy Leopard Lookin' Motherfucker":

Also turtles. I like turtles. But with the fish seen, it was now time to eat some. So to the Blue Marlin we went, a restaurant by the marina where rich British folk keep yachts they hardly use. I tried to get something exotic again, but they were all out. Presumably because the British don't like all that spicy crap. So fish and chips it was, but I delved into a Red Bull and watermelon juice for tropical support.

Good shit, y'all. Then it was off to Muttrah, stopping off on the way to see a giant incense burner in a park, that also contained one awesome play area.

Man, if they filled that burner with weed the whole city would have a good time. But the place was empty, the attached awesome looking fairground was closed and the slides burnt my bum. So off I went, wishing we had parks like this at home.

Our final destination was the Muttrah market, or Souk, situated by the coast where the Sultan's yacht is moored.

I like to imagine it's being raided by two small pirate ships.

The Souk is under cover, a welcome change to the scorching heat we'd had all day. Incense was burning everywhere, and guys were pushing their wares in our faces the whole way through. Pretty easy to barter down the price if you want something though, and not bad prices either. It was a great way to soak up the atmosphere, and everyone from stall owners to customers were really friendly. It was all very chilled.

But then of course it was time for another drink, because I don't know how people live in this heat and don't spend half their income on drinks. And what better way to top off the day than with this monstrosity?

Oh yeah, mango milkshake topped with mango ice cream and pistachio. It tasted like a Solero. So all in all a good day, and tomorrow may be even better. Stay tuned.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: My Not Very Eventful Day

My second full day in Oman. Time to get out and experience all that culture, right? Not quite yet apparently. We've made some plans though, there'll be some interesting things to come. But since my children have seen it fit to drink all the juice in the house (admittedly I helped), it was off to the Sultan Centre to stock up, and look for those bits and pieces that I missed yesterday.

Mission accomplished. I also got a massive watermelon because massive things are cool. As we left I felt a bit dejected about spending so much money on food, but it was time to eat dinner, so couldn't feel crappy about that for long. On the way to our place of eating we drove on a road through the mountains, and I snapped a few pictures that actually prove I'm in a different country and haven't just imported foodstuffs into my home.

See? Mountains and stuff. I'll take better pictures as the week goes on, this was through the window of a moving car. There are lots of mountains. We'll be going up one at the weekend. Thursday and Friday is the weekend here by the way. But I digress. Where were we going for dinner? Somewhere we could experience the culture and finesse of Omani food? No. D'arcy's Kitchen.

It's so English my fiancée's mother has those plates at her house. It seems very much like someone decided that English people who live here are probably all racist and just want to be back home, so they created a restaurant chain that makes food that sends their minds spiralling back to their beloved memories like Anton Ego in Ratatouille (obscure reference FTW). So while it was fish and chips all round, I rebelled a little and looked for something a bit different. Unfortunately there was only one foreign thing on the menu.

I forgot the name because I'm a bit slow today. But it's white fish and potato in a coconut and chili sauce. Kinda tasted like a korma but with a certain spiciness. It was pretty damn good. Then I had cheesecake because if there is an option of eating cheesecake I can't not have it.

And off home we went. Tomorrow we might do something remotely holiday-like, like going to a beach or something. But we shall see. I may not have done much so far, but it's a holiday, and so far I've done a lot of relaxing. I don't even have to do housework. Ain't that good?

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: My Flight To Oman

My dad lives in Oman, if I hadn't mentioned before. He's over there most of the year, and today we flew out to see him for a week. Unfortunately, Oman is a nine hour flight away from home, and we have two small children to entertain. We've flown that amount of time with Amelia three times now, and every time she has had an absolute shit fit when it comes to strapping in time. So I was quite dreading the things that would happen on this one, having a boy who's never flown before.

We kept the kids up until 10pm last night, so we could wake them up early and have them crash out on the plane. And so they did. Once we were in the air they dropped off almost instantly, leaving me free to watch a movie. But soon enough they were awake. It was good so far though. Amelia has learned that flying on a plane is exciting, and that putting a seatbelt on is not akin to being murdered horribly. She was easy enough to entertain. Finding Nemo on the portable DVD player did the trick. It also subdued Alex for a while. But he's a baby who likes to walk. So of course he started escaping the seats and walking up and down the plane. Still, no biggie. It's good to stretch the legs.

Lunch was fun. Everyone apart from me is a pretty fussy eater. So I got to eat both the roast beef and the chicken. Which in plane terms means choosing between sludge and different coloured sludge with a different flavour. Oh well, I ate what didn't make me gag. But the roast potatoes tasted worse than Tesco's, which is an accomplishment.

All in all it wasn't a bad flight. Nowhere near as bad as I thought. There were a few tantrums from the young man, mostly because he was tired or wanting to explore when he shouldn't have been. Also a slight incident where Amelia didn't believe that we had to stay on the plane at a stopover, and tried to get off. But she wasn't left in Abu Dhabi, so that's all good.

As far as flights with small children go, it was certainly one of my best. I didn't feel like burying my head in my hands as I felt the rays of scorn coming from other adults, so I'd say it was very successful. Anyways, from here on out it's an Omani themed week of A Review A Day. I bet you're all very excited.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: The Rapture

The end of the world. When will it be? Science places it at several million years away, when the sun turns into a red giant and envelopes Earth, at which point the human race will be long extinct. But that's obviously bullshit, because the real answer lies in one book that was written ages ago, and it takes a hell of a lot of analysis and guess work to get a real answer, but it's there.

The Rapture was today, as predicted by Harold Camping, a guy who knows about these things because he's read the Bible. At 6 p.m. earthquakes would shake our world,  and all the good Christians would meet Jesus in the air, and be taken to heaven, leaving us sinners, in preparation for the end of the world five months from now. I presume the start time was 6 p.m. because Camping called Jesus to get an estimated delivery time and he could only say he'd be coming from 8 a.m., and 6 at the latest.

I was at work at 6 this evening, because I feel that the thing people really need before they are delivered from Earth is to watch a movie and eat some popcorn. I didn't feel an earthquake, but that's probably because Britain isn't on a fault line, so we're lucky there. I didn't see any bright lights or people rising up either, but that could have been because I was surrounded by sinners. I didn't see Jesus anywhere, but I'd assume that he'd be floating above Big Ben or some other landmark, so it would suck if you're being Raptured all the way from Scotland. You might be really slow at the flying and everyone would be gone by the time you got there.

To be honest, I'm not sure if the Rapture occurred at all. There don't appear to be any news reports confirming it, but if anyone could hush the media it would be Jesus. But how are people supposed to rise up anyway? Tractor beams? Maybe God expected us to have evolved the power of flight by now, but instead we've been evolving modern medicine to the point where totally inadequate people can breed. Oops.

Well, I'd probably like to stay on Earth anyway. Sure, the world may end in five months, but everyone would know that, it'd be a free for all. I could probably go everywhere I wanted to, there'd be peace on Earth probably. One world banded together under threat of apocalypse, just like at the end of Watchmen. Oops, spoiler. You've only got five months to read it, so you'd better get to it.

Well, I'm a man of science, and no empirical evidence suggests to me that Jesus did not come and take his people. Sorry, but I'd need to see something on YouTube, because I believe everything I see on the internet. But perhaps the Rapture wasn't what everyone was expecting anyway. Maybe everyone just lost a pound, or sprouted a second head for a split second and felt a bit awkward afterwards. Either way it all feels like a bit of a cop out.

My rating: 0/5

By the way, I've been studying one of my books for a while, and I'm pretty sure that Voldemort is gonna rise next month, so keep an eye on that.