Today’s Review: Wearing Something Straight From The Tumble Dryer

We all have those days where things just aren’t quite organised. I’ve experienced a few occasions where I wanted to wear a certain item of clothing, but it wasn’t quite dry from the last time it was washed. But never fear, the tumble dryer is here to speed up the process and provide you with dry, toasty clothing.

Putting on something fresh from the dryer is amazing. Be it t-shirt or underwear, that instant warmth is enough to melt a heart of stone. I’d probably rank it with my top feelings of all time, alongside scratching a really annoying itch or having a good sneeze. Unfortunately the clothes don’t stay warm for long, the experience is fleeting, you have to grab it while you can. So although it’s short lived, it’s one of the simplest pleasures in life.

My rating: 4/5

Today’s Review: Doing Paperwork At Midnight

Yeah, that’s what I’m doing. I mean, technically I’m at work, but this is the part of the job where I should be sleeping. Instead, I’m catching up on good old paperwork that I just haven’t had time to do otherwise. I mean, I’d rather be sleeping, but hey, I’m not too tired, and this stuff needs to get done eventually. At least I’m doing something productive instead of sitting on my phone... like I am now. So I’ll give this one points for me doing something useful with my time. If you’ve got paperwork to catch up on, midnight is not a bad time to do it.

My rating: 3/5

Today’s Review: When There’s Nothing Interesting At The End Of The Credits

Post-credits scenes are by no means a new thing, they’ve been around for years. Often little nods or fun skits, but Marvel have made it their mission to make everyone watch to the end to get a proper glimpse at what’s to come. I sure as hell stay until the end of every Marvel movie, even when I go and see the midnight showing. But now I’m conditioned to watch to the end of the credits so that I can see some glory unfold before me, be it a movie or a game. Unfortunately it sometimes doesn’t pan out, and I’ve just wasted 10-15 minutes of my life watching names go by with no payoff. 

I get it, the credits are there to acknowledge all the work of the folk who created what I’ve just experienced. But that really doesn’t affect me, I’m just here for more content and it’s damn annoying when nothing happens. I’m not the only person who feels this way, there are websites dedicated to identifying post-credits scenes, they do the work so you don’t have to. Because getting to the end of that scrawl with nothing to show for it is just the worst.

My rating: 1/5

Today’s Review: This Disclaimer On A Shampoo Advert

This is it. This is what the world has come to. A world where not only are people are likely to eat shampoo, but are likely to sue the shampoo companies after doing so. I have never seen a disclaimer for shampoo that told me not to eat it, I guess I thought it was fairly simple. I guess they added it in there because the shampoo has the word “superfood” in the title. I’m barely sure of the benifucial rffecrs of actual superfoods in my body, let alone ones I’d get through drinking shampoo. If they thought the title was going to create an issue, why didn’t the call it something other than “superfood”?

Of course, Pantene aren’t completely to blame. We live in a litigious soviety with a healthy population of idiots, so its possible someone would try to chug from the bottle for those sweet sweet nutrients. What’s next? A shampoo that has a variation of “look” in the name that warns you not to rub it vigorously into your eyes?

I don’t know, I despair sometimes. A world where we have to be reminded not to drink shampoo is just a bad one. But maybe I’m just angry because that warning ruins my chances of selling this to that niche market between late 20s nutrition addicts and those teenagers who ate Tide pods. 

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: A Review A Day

Well, this is awkward. For a blog named "A Review A Day" there seems to be a significant amount of days now without a review. I'll preface this by saying I'm fine, nothing traumatic has occurred to explain my absence. On the flip side, I haven't been off sunning myself in an exotic location either. I'm afraid the reasons for my lapse in reviewing are fairly mundane. Life has simply caught up with me lately.

Those of you who read my reviews daily (there may be a few of you out there) may have noticed over the last month or so that I've had periods of a few days where I've failed to write anything, only to catch up after the fact. Even then, my reviews have been brief, uninteresting, mundane. Simply put, I've been ticking boxes. Phoning it in. 

I started A Review A Day over seven years ago, a young man with a semblance of a dream to become a writer. I worked in Blockbuster at the time, and watched a hell of a lot of movies, alongside my hobby of eating a hell of a lot of food. So I figured the best way to hone my writing chops would be to write a load of reviews, the daily element just clicked one day, and off I went, not knowing that it would lead me on a non-stop seven year reviewing journey. 

I've reviewed through good times and bad. I've lined up a week's worth of reviews to publish autonomously while I've been on holiday. I posted reviews while my baby daughter stayed in the ICU, and once later on while I applied pressure to her almost-severed finger in a hospital waiting room (keep your hands away from doors, kids!) I've written some reviews drunk, some half-asleep, some on trains, some in the middle of nowhere. I've received care packages, interesting products, I've been invited to press events where I didn't feel I belonged. I've been accepted into the fold of snack food bloggers (there's a lot of great ones out there, check them out for all your foodie needs). I've even received fan mail. It's been surreal at times.

At first I was full of ideas, I loved coming up with unique concepts and doing in-depth analyses of mundane things. After a few years I settled pretty wholly into snack foods. They were quick to write and delicious to eat. Well, some of them. But therein lies the problem. Naming the blog "A Review A Day" backed me into a corner from the start, I set myself a deadline out of the gate. Quick, easy reviews were the best way to reaach that deadline, and although I loved hunting down new and interesting foods (and still do), there are only so many ways I can say something is delicious, or disgusting, or somewhere in the middle. I may be consistent, but I'm a little stagnant. 

They say all good things must come to an end. I've contemplated it for a while now, and was waiting for some mind of nice rounding off point. I was hoping to reach my eighth anniversary, or my 3,000th review, but they're still a ways off. But family, career, general life have gotten in the way of me consistently cranking out a review every single day, and finally letting go of that daily deadline has alleviated my overall stress levels. So here I am, signing off. 

Wow, that's a lot of writing there. I'm a modest man, I'd be the first to say I'm not sure anyone will read this, but I know I have some fans out there, and I want to thank you all for accompanying me on this awesome journey. Just know that this is not the end, just the end of A Review A Day. I may yet come back with more reviews in a different form, and hopefully a more creative one. I may establish some other form of blog, I've toyed with a few ideas in the past, and letting go of this may allow me to focus on other projects in the future. Thanks to all my readers, you're all amazing.

My rating: 5/5

Today’s Review: Food Menus On TV Screens

Ordering food can be a stressful situation. If you’re not a regular and want to peruse, there are many things that worsen the situation. Overworked employees, queues of people, your hangry companions. My point is, it’s already bad enough perusing the menus, finding out they’re on TV screens is just so much worse.

I love technology, I can’t get enough of it, but I think some things were fine how they were, and fast food menus are one of them. I get it, sometimes there’s not enough space to display everything, though that’s rare. Most of the time every item is displayed over several screens, with a brief interlude of the latest special item flashing up, normally as I’m trying to read something. It’s just not necessary. If you want to sell me the new double triple whatever, just put up a paper sign, don’t interrupt the ordering process.

I think the worse one I encountered was at Jump Street the other day. Their cafe is not exactly known for its haute cuisone, and their food items fit on once screen, their drinks another. Behind the counter are, you guessed it, two screens. But still, each screen cycled through the menus with transitions that would make an 11 year old PowerPoint amateur weep tears of pride. But why? Just leave the things static, they were changing at a rate that left me gaping cluelessly at the thing for a full 3 minutes, and that’s not helpful by anyone. Ditch the screens. Just give me a menu I can read through.

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: The Dripping Tap In My Kitchen

Someone hasn't turned off the kitchen tap properly. I can hear it, every now and then, water droplets landing in the sink. It's annoying, grating, and the flow always steadily increases to the point where I can't take it anymore. The problem is, I'm quite lazy, so a slightly dripping tap isn't quite enough to make me get up and turn it off, even with the potentially wasted water. But I know that with this tap, it will keep dripping and dripping, faster and faster, until I have no choice but to leap from my seat and end the nightmare. So I resent the tap, though I do applaud it for its ability to put an end to my laziness. Now I've stalled long enough to write this, I do believe it's time to turn off that tap.

My rating: 2/5

Today’s Review: Supermarket Aisles Changing

As you may have guessed, I like food shopping. It allows me to look for all the interesting new snacks on offer. But despite my love for new things, I still go into the supermarket with a specific order in mind. I know the layout, which aisle holds which foods. So imagine my horror when yesterday I turned the corner expecting to find cereal, and was instead met with chocolate.

It bewildered me. Not only were the aisles completely changed, they were still in the process of swapping them around. In the process I somehow managed to not pick up any crisps, it was horrible. Why mess with the formula? I get the need for merchandising changes, but something this drastic makes for a jarring shopping experience. I have a route, an agenda. I’m still getting over the time they moved the cucumbers to an end cap instead of next to the peppers. Now I have a whole new route to plan out, and it’s awful.

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: Football Not Coming Home

Well, that's unfortunate. But what can I say? You all jinxed it. Maybe sing less next time. Oh well, the boys did good, so we've got that going for us, which is nice. Let's keep calm and carry on.

My rating: 2/5

Today’s Review: The Sudden Disappearance Of The Sun

It’s been hot lately, hasn’t it? Well, of course you don’t need me to tell you that if you’re British, it’s all you’ve been talking about. But as much as we moan about the heat, we’re equally likely to moan about it coming to an end, and that’s what I’m doing here. I’ve only just gotten used to leaving the house without a jumper or jacket of any description, and yesterday I was met with a chilly breeze. Unacceptable. I know humans can adapt, but that doesn’t mean I want to constantly get used to new weather. Now I have to get used to these colder climes so I can moan when it gets hot again. It’s hard being British.

My rating: 1/5

Today’s Review: Spilling An Entire Cup Of Coffee Down Yourself

I don’t often spill entire cups of coffee down my front, in fact I don’t think I ever did before yesterday, and I don’t even know how it happened. But there I was, standing and sipping a cup of coffee, and next thing I knew it was all over me. Coffee isn’t great when it’s down your front instead of in your mouth. It’s hot, wet and annoying, and I couldn’t change, so I ended up stinking like coffee all day. Not an experience I’d recommend.

My rating: 0/5

Today’s Review: Leaving Your Phone Charger At Home

Phone batteries have come a long way, but so has the amount of energy needed to run the rest of the thing. It used to be you could leave your trusty Nokia a few days without topping up the juice, but now I’ll be lucky to get through one without my iPhone running flat. So leaving my charge at home is a big no no, especially if I’m going to be staying away for a night. I was faced with that plight this evening, rushing around the nearest shops in the vain hope of grabbing a charger, lest I be faced with the unimaginable, a dead phone. How would I function? Thankfully I found a very off brand multi use charger in a petrol station, and it hurt to spend money on it, but I have power, and that’s what counts. Having no phone charger is a terrible situation.

My rating: 0/5

Today’s Review: Going On A Diet And Then Immediately Going To The Cinema

I promised myself I’d eat healthily, count calories, make good choices. Then I went to the cinema. What can you eat at the cinema that’s healthy? I don’t see anyone breaking out carrot sticks and hummus over a movie, and besides, I’m pretty sure all healthy foods are unbearably crunchy, not compatible with the cinema. So I caved. I had sweets, and popcorn, and it was glorious. Who needs a diet when you have movies and sugar?

My rating: 2/5

Today’s Review: Eating An Entire Tub Of Ben & Jerry’s

I’m full, so full, but so satisfied. I can pretend like I’m going to leave some for another time, but more often then not I have polished off a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I have no regrets, it’s delicious. Don’t act like you haven’t done it too, and if you haven’t, do it. It’s amazing.

My rating: 5/5

Today’s Review: Pens That Should Work But Don’t

The biro is a fantastic invention, a convenient ink pen that I don’t go a day without using. But one thing I will say is that sometimes they can just stop working for no apparent reason. There’s ink inside, the ball point is functional, but for some reason that ink isn’t coming out, even after doing the tactical scribble in the corner of the page. It’s infuriating, I’m being conned out of some of that precious ink I paid for. So think I’ve only ever seen one biro run out of ink, all the rest have succumbed to being lost or just refusing to work. Trying to write with a pen and it refusing to do its one is the worst.

My rating: 0/5

Today’s Review: Deleting Registry Files On Your Computer

Don’t do it man, unless you really know what you’re doing. Don’t follow the whims of some madman on an Internet forum. Now what was an attempt to solve a minor issue will lead to me restoring Windows. Annoying all around. Don’t tinker with your computer willy nilly.

My rating: 0/5

Today’s Review: The Grey Hairs In My Fringe

I’m getting old, that’s something I can’t deny, it’s something none of us can deny. But I’m not exactly withdrawing my pension, I’ve got a lot of years left in me. I just wish someone would tell that to my hair. I’ve found a few greys over the years, nothing that bothered me too much. But now a streak of them has appeared right in my fringe, right above where my face is, and people tend to look at my face when they talk to me. So everyone I have a conversation with can see my greyness, it’s a public statement of my mortality.

Okay, you may say it’s not so bad, but I can’t even pass off as a silver fox, I’m no George Clooney. The grey hairs are the messy icing on an undesirable cake. I’m not ready for Just For Men, I barely even feel like a man! I can only assume I’ll have completely white hair in a matter of months, so I’ll have to use my time wisely. Aging is the worst.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: Finding A Note On The Ground

We all know that feeling when we find some money on the floor. It's a rush of excitement, with a little bit of naughtiness, knowing that someone has dropped a coin and you are now the rightful owner, according to the legal framework of Finder Keepers. One of the silver coins is decent, a pound is better, obviously, and hey, even a penny has the added element of a days worth of luck. But there is a point where finding money takes a turn for the worse.

It's a rare occurrence, but I have found a couple of notes on the ground in my lifetime. That once euphoric feeling turns to one of apprehension. Who drops a note? I get coins falling out of pockets, they're small, a note takes a certain kind of clumsiness. The issue lies in the value. If I lost a pound, I could get over it, but a fiver or more would leave me annoyed for a long time. So finding a note on the ground gives me that feeling of dread, because I am afflicted with empathy. Of course, if it's just a note, there's no way to identify whose it is, and asking a variety of passers by if they dropped a tenner is just a recipe for disaster. But even if I kept the money, it's like an ancient cursed idol, burning a hole in my pocket with its judgemental eyes. There's no easy way to pick up an abandoned note, it may give that rush of excitement, but it also provides a burden on my soul.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Winning A Prize From A 2p Machine

In true bank holiday fashion, I headed to the seaside this weekend, and spent an inordinate amount of time shoving grubby 2ps into a machine that rewarded me with yet more grubby 2ps. Those machines are addictive, a child's gateway to gambling. Low risk, low reward, but watching those coins pile up before cascading over the edge is such a thrill.

It's made even better with the prizes they place on top. Closer and closer to the edge they inch, teasing you all the way. "Just another pound," you think, "that'll be enough to claim my prize". Then eventually, it falls. Or you have to call an attendant because it gets stuck at the front of the machine. Either way, there's not a thrill like it. Sure, you pumped in a good few quid to be rewarded with some toot that would probably set you back 50p, but it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. I love getting prizes.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Having Barely Enough Signal To Make A Post

I'm away on an impromptu bank holiday trip, which is lovely, but the sudden lack of wifi has thrown all planning I have around my reviews out of whack. Ah, who am I kidding, I never plan ahead. What I'm facing now, however, is a lack of wifi and a fairly poor 3G signal, so just getting to this stage of writing the thing is a miracle. It also means I can no longer rely on high speed mobile internet to answer my questions, or to check Facebook at regular intervals. So, I guess it's a blessing in disguise. I can drop the phone and concentrate on life for a change. At least I know with some persistence I can still get online if I need to. Have a good bank holiday, guys.

My rating: 3/5