Another Christmassy review? Sure, in fact, I might make it a Christmas review week. Everyone knows Christmas songs are an important part of the Christmas experience. There are many uplifting, mellow and happy tunes about Christmas, and then there is this crap by John Lennon.
Seriously, I have no idea why people like this song so much. How has it become a classic Christmas song when it's so depressing? I hate everything about it. It sounds like such a downer, trying to appeal to the nations of the world to achieve world peace by using children who can barely sing, and some shitty rhymes. "A very merry Christmas and a happy new year, let's hope it's a good one, without any fear"? This is master songwriter John Lennon we're talking about, how did this come out of him? "War is over, if you want it, war is over, nooooooow"? That doesn't even rhyme, and it doesn't fit in very well either.
I really don't get it. This song makes me cringe every time it comes on. It depresses me, it makes me long for The Beatles, or absolutely anything else. Why do people like it? Can anyone explain it to me? Anyone?
There's a new music prodigy on the scene, her name is Shira, and she has released the video to her song, "Pound On My Muffin". It really is amazing stuff, have a listen/watch:
A masterpiece, I'm sure you'll agree. Kudos to director Cornelius3, who clearly wasn't awesome enough in his first cloned incarnations, but possessed a fine directing talent in his third malformed body. Speaking of malformed bodies, I'm sure that either Shira has one, or doesn't quite know what a muffin is, she seems to be pointing towards the badonkadonk region whenever she gestures, but everyone knows a muffin is a vagina. Silly girl.
Anyways, the song is sung by a girl lamenting that boys don't want to give her nothin', 'cause they just want to pound on her muffin. The video is so cleverly done in the way that it provides us with a double entendre. Does Shira mean that guys just want to stick their bits inside her corresponding lady bits, or does she mean they want to drum rhythmically on her baked goods (which in the video are cupcakes)? That's how you get past the censors, people.
I'm trying to decipher what these lyrics are to ascertain the meaning of the song, but it's pretty hard due to the fact that my ears are bleeding. From what I can make out, Shira seems to want something from men who want to pound her muffin, but only gets mad when after the act of love making, the men don't leave something behind. One guy gave her loads of drugs before he used her body, so that's cool, but only if he keeps on providing her with free drugs afterwards.
We have a contribution from a loveable scamp called Asco, who mentions that Shira doesn't play him because he's always paying her, so from this we can conclude that this lady doesn't just let people pound on her muffin, she requires payment in cash or drugs. What a great role model. Things do get a bit confusing if you're watching though, because the assistants in Shira's bakery wear aprons that say "Pound on my muffin", which we know is the name of the song, but it could be misconstrued as an invitation by the patrons. Also, they seem to have not had enough footage when they cobbled together the video, because they inserted some clips of a guy sleeping:
Or maybe he just died from the whole ear bleeding thing. I know that feel, bro.
So there's this video that has become a YouTube sensation over the last few weeks, it's not hard to see why:
Yes, it's terrible. I first saw it last week, and after a minute I turned it off, foolishly thinking this was just a more awful than ordinary song. But today I went back, and finally absorbed all that this track and its accompanying video has to offer. Then I watched it again to take screenshots. This has drained me, dear readers, so I hope you appreciate the effort.
Friday is a song about Friday. That's basically all it is. The lyrics are the most obvious you could think of when writing a song about Friday, but you don't just make a song that is a stream of consciousness about what happens when it's Friday. Oh wait, someone did though, and it's this song.
So, the video starts with our hero waking up at 7am. You know she's waking up at 7am, 'cause there's a shot of the clock saying 7am, her hair is messed up as if she just woke up, and she's singing that she's waking up at 7am. In a way this video is amazing, but only in the way that if you need something explained you only need to look to the three or four audiovisual cues that are happening at that one time. It's foolproof. Anyway, Rebecca heads downstairs, spouts some lyrical mastery about eating cereal (from a bowl, just to make that clear), and out the door she goes, ready to catch her bus to school.
Oh wait, her friends pull up, evidenced by her friends pulling up and the lyric "I see my friends". Wait a minute. These people look way too young to drive, even by American standards, and especially too young to own a brand new convertible. Damn rich kids. Plus Rebecca is 13, what's she doing hanging round with of age driving friends? Never mind, this set piece leads us beautifully onto the pre-chorus of the song: "Kickin' in the front seat, chillin' in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" Note that she doesn't ask which seat she should take, or which seat she will take. No, this is clearly a logic problem that requires solving. So let's get to it. This car seats five people. I assume Rebecca cannot drive, as she was just going to catch a school bus. So that cuts half of the front portion of the car out completely. Now we look to where her friends are currently positioned. The passenger seat is also taken, and there is a significant gap between the homies in the back. So one can safely assume that the back seat in the middle is the one that she will take. Let's see if we're right.
Bingo. Rebecca applauds you. At this point I could highlight the educational value of the video, until I notice that these guys are driving down a road at high speed with no fucking seatbelts on. They're having to splice seatbelts into episodes of Peppa Pig now, so how did this get past everyone? I guess they're just too cool for school, and basic safety regulations.
So now we have moved onto the chorus. It basically states that it is currently Friday, and everyone is looking forward to the weekend, which will consist of both partying and fun. I sure hope nothing goes wrong.
Okay, cool, now she's cruising down the highway not only with no seatbelt, but standing up in the back of a car. But this time they're on their way to a party, so they're even more entitled to perform dangerous driving activities. Also, her friends are different this time, there's not a boy in sight. I can only assume that this is because her previous compadres were horribly injured in a seatbelt-less car crash and couldn't quite make it to the Friday fun party. But Rebecca's fine, and she's keeping us up to date with the time, apparently it's 7:45. And there's a full moon almost at its apex in the sky. Clearly the Earth has spun off its axis, but no one cares at the moment, 'cause guess what, it's Friday.
Anyhoo, in the second verse, more lyrical mastery is employed, such as the gem "Fun, fun, think about fun, you know what it is". Yes, I do know what fun is, especially because currently, I am experiencing none of the symptoms associated with it. She also says her friend is by her right, but nothing about the other people in the car. I guess these hurried replacement friends just aren't that fun, and I thought about it, I know what it is. So after another chorus we're treated to a rousing bridge, which says that yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday, Saturday is tomorrow and Sunday is after that. This is revolutionary stuff man, there's so much information in this song that hasn't sunk in yet. Teach me more Rebecca!
Oh wait, we're gonna watch a dude rapping instead. Clearly this man is a lot older than the other kids in this video, and he is either on his way to the aforementioned party, or he's just some random guy in a car also expressing his love of Fridays. Either way, it's kinda creepy. He celebrates the fact that there's a car next to him, as if that's never happened any time he's ever driven, and also that he overtakes a school bus. Why a school bus is driving down a highway on Friday night, I don't know, but this guy doesn't care, so why should I? Let's get to the party!
Alriiiiight, here we ar- wait, this is just that girl from before standing in front of a tree, with some lights behind her. This isn't a party, no one's got any drinks or anything, they're just watching this girl sing a song about how good Fridays are. I guess they are pretty good if people gather round to watch you in the evening. So to close we have the chorus twice, just to hit it home about how awesome this day is. The crowd raise their arms between lines to accent the lyrics, but they're all unclear about whether they're saying "Yeah" or "Hey", so it just comes out as a garbled "Hyeeahey!"
So, the song draws to a close, everyone applauds, and it's surely agreed that a good Friday was had by all.
Better get out of there soon though, this guy is clearly coming to pick up some young teens.
I love Radiohead. When I was but a mere teen I figured they were just as boring and depressing as many people said, but as I started to get into them I realised there's a mastery behind their music that you just can't deny. Their songs may be depressing at times, but they're also beautiful, and they've made a few outright rockin' tracks too. Even their venture into a more electronic style with Kid A was near flawless.
The King Of Limbs, the first album since 2007's In Rainbows was announced on Valentine's Day. It was available to download 4 days later. Despite the short pre-release time period, the buzz among fans was intense. It trended on Twitter in an age where only Gaga and Bieber can accomplish that feat on a regular basis. When the album finally dropped, 4 of the top trending topics on Twitter were about Radiohead. That's special. But is the album actually good?
I, like most people, have to listen to an album a few times to really come to a final opinion on it. At this moment i'm on my fifth playthrough. To be honest, on my first listen I was disappointed. This album is short (8 tracks, 37 minutes), it's dark, it's dreary. Radiohead's last album had, in my opinion, the perfect balance of dark, energetic and downright beautiful songs. The King Of Limbs, however, never seems to stray out of the low key darkness that it dwells in. In a way it plays like a downtrodden, acoustic version of Kid A, scatty drumbeats populate a lot of the tracks, Thom Yorke's vocals are often incomprehensible moans. From the beginning I was hoping for more songs along the lines of Nude, Reckoner or 15 Step, but instead, I found the new album, dare I say it, boring.
But that was the first listen. Things have now changed. But not as dramatically as i'd hoped. The opener, Bloom, is still quite weak in my eyes. But the next track, Morning Mr. Magpie, has really grown on me. It's probably as upbeat as the album gets, but still has a menacing, dark tone. "You've got some nerve, coming here" Yorke growls. He always sounds at his best when he's threatening people. The first half of the album is a strong offering, but the buzz seems to tail off in the latter. Across the board it's a low key affair, nothing too masterful going on instrumentally, it's more about the atmosphere. But Radiohead are masters of their craft, and the atmosphere is captured perfectly. It's just not something I expect from a Radiohead album to retain the same feel throughout. Many people have noted that the first half of the album is more depressing, while the second half is a lot more upbeat, but in my view it sounds like someone going to bed depressed and angry, and waking up no longer angry but only slightly less depressed. The end of the album is certainly the weak point. Without the almost electronic feel of the first tracks it feels like something's been lost.
The King Of Limbs is definitely not Radiohead's crowning achievement. There are some seriously good tracks in here, Lotus Flower and Morning Mr. Magpie especially, and while i'm a lot less disappointed than I was after the first listen, it still feels like something's missing. While I know I can't expect Radiohead to stay the same, I have accepted their other different styles with open arms. This album, unfortunately, hasn't captured my heart.
