"Mummy or McCain"? How about "Daddy or McCain?" Less punchy alliteration, I know, but I make the roasts in my household. I'm offended, do they think only mummies can make roasties? I'll tell you what, my kids would be able to differentiate mine from frozen, partly because I douse them in salt, but also because I've put the time and effort in to make them taste pretty damn good. Men can cook potatoes too, McCain, it's 2016, come on.
Yes, it's that time of year again. I normally see the arrival of the Coca Cola truck as the beginning of Christmas, but in recent years it's become apparent that the fervent social media masses are frothing at the mouth for whatever sentimental story John Lewis will churn out in order to peddle their wares. Speaking of rabies, this one features a dog. Called Buster. Here's a link to the merchandise page.
I would say spoilers ahead, but if you can't take time out of your day to watch a video that's just over two minutes, you shouldn't get mad when someone spills the elaborate plot. Buster belongs to a girl named Bridget, who is established as a bouncing enthusiast from a few-seconds long clip of her bouncing on her bed. Unbeknownst to her, her father is assembling a trampoline in the garden for the big day, a montage of which makes it out to be a long and arduous task, but couldn't be that bad because the parents still have time to watch TV after. "Bridget will be so pleased", they must think, as two foxes, a badger, a squirrel and a hedgehog decide to have a go on the thing first.
I had images of them all breaking it, and having put their woodland differences aside for longer in order to fix it, but apparently they just make the dog like, well jealous, because in the morning Buster rushes out in front of Bridget and christens her new gift right in front of her (with bouncing, not urine, although it's not outside the realm of possibility that the wild animals marked their territory). Buster bounces around joyously, while Bridget looks on, mostly confused, but definitely disappointed. "Gifts that everyone will love", they say, as the hashtag comes into view, and we're encouraged to click on and discover that we too could buy a £200 trampoline for our dogs.
Cynical, snarky commentary aside, it's not an awful advert, but there had to be a point at which the John Lewis amazement train started slowing down, and I feel this is it. Other years have been touching, some very well thought out, but this seems a little lacklustre to me. The woodland creatures seemed a little unnecessary, I know they serve to make the dog jealous, but he's already been watching the girl bounce around for ages, so he was probably already raring to go. Could it be they added in more animals to sell more cuddly toys? No, surely not.
I guess the truth is that I don't care about these people (and animals). Bridget is happy when she sees her gift, sure, but is positively bewildered at the end, and I'm not particularly overjoyed by seeing a boxer getting his jollies on a trampoline. My emotions escaped unscathed, and so too has my wallet. Not that I'd shop at John Lewis anyway, you can always get it cheaper online...
Through the magic of Facebook's exploitative advertising regimes, I happened across a post from The Laughing Cow the other day, extolling the virtues of their newest advert. Hell, I love cheese triangles, and also wasting my time watching video snippets on the internet, so there was nothing stopping me pressing that play button.
Well, I assume The Laughing Cow has a new target market, even though their cheese triangles are still next to the Cheesestrings and Lunchables at my local supermarket. They've gone full Sex And The City on this one, despite Sex And The City not being relevant for over a decade (or the better part of one, if you count the movies). It's so blatant, you can see it from the off. Our crazily ear-ringed hero is Carrie, the one alerting them to the presence of the manly bull is token Samantha, the coy recipient of said stud's attentions screams Charlotte... and Miranda is the ginger one. Of course, they have their own names here, Holly, Melissa and Tetters, although I'm not sure which one's which. But hey, there's promise of seeing lots more of them in the future, so perhaps their identities will be explored fully in future, or maybe they'll just keep making witty remarks about the low calorific content of their cheese and crackers.
That's another thing that's baffling about this advert. The setting is just odd. Why is there a singular table at the end of a gym? Shouldn't these ladies be busy working out instead of sitting down and stuffing their faces with strange triangular crackers? I really don't know what to make of it all, but I guess the message we should all take away from this is that women don't need men, as long as they have cream cheese triangles that only contain 25 calories. But wait, how many calories does that orange juice contain? Fruits are high in natural sugars! You're negating your healthy snacking options!
Still, it can't all be bad, I sure do want some cheese triangles now. That's the power of advertising I guess.
All other festivities are out of the way, no one can say it's too early for Christmas now. So it's nigh time for the TV adverts to come out in full force, to instill us with festive spirits and warm hearts. Some companies may go for the comedy factor, some will attempt to reduce us to blubbering, sentimental wrecks. Iceland will probably just parade out a selection of weird frozen desserts that cost £1. But here's John Lewis' offering, The Bear & The Hare.
Yes, it's the lovely, animated story of a bear and a hare who are the best of buds, but winter is coming, so Bear needs to hibernate, you know, to survive. This leaves Hare feeling very sad, because Bear never gets to see the wonder of Christmas. So, in John Lewis' own words, "This year Hare has a brilliant idea".
So while the other woodland animals set about decorating a gigantic tree (the birds do most of the work), Hare leaves a present at the mouth of Bear's cave, which turns out to be an alarm clock set for Christmas morning. So Bear wakes up, takes a wander, and discovers the magic of Christmas. How lovely, now you want to shop at John Lewis. Except now I know that John Lewis are advocated for animal cruelty.
You see, as much as this ad wants you to think that Bear and Hare are best buds, surely Hare would be more concerned with his friend's survival during the harsh winter months. Sure, Bear might like to see the wonder that is Christmas Day, but it happens during a time that he will likely freeze to death, which is why he is naturally hibernating. But Hare doesn't care about that, he leaves an intricately wrapped (for a hare) clock that will ring incessantly on Christmas morning, which will not only rouse Bear from his life-saving slumber, but force him to fumble about with the wrapping paper with his big bear paws and then figure out how to switch the damn thing off. He probably only left the cave to give Hare a slap and tell him to never do that again, but then he's distracted by the wonder of Christmas, so it's alright really. He can probably just make a fur coat out of the small rodents that he'll eat for a snack during his rude awakening. Not that there are many small rodents around, he probably ate most of them already. You know what? Let's not talk about the plot anymore. It's just not right.
So let's look at the ad itself. It certainly looks very nice. The animation is top notch, and despite there being a few different styles thrown in, it all works well together. The visuals do very well to invoke the spirit of Christmas, even though the delivery of the message is a bit... weird. I know John Lewis can do a lot more human stuff, their 2011 offering was fantastic, and last year's made me feel warm and fuzzy, even with the leading snowman. This just seems a bit lacklustre. A grandiose execution of a not-so-great idea. Even the soundtrack is a bit off. The choice of Somewhere Only We Go is a great fit, but why is Lily Allen singing it? Her distinct accent just isn't a good fit for the song, and certainly doesn't do much to make me feel Christmassy.
The Bear & The Hare is a good offering from John Lewis, at least on the surface. It looks fantastic, and carries the "joy of giving" theme that they've upheld over the last few years, but it just pales in comparison to their previous Christmas ads. The Bear & The Hare is a good attempt, but it probably won't be the best Christmas ad we'll see this year, especially now the Toys 'R' Us theme is back where it belongs.
