Today's Review: The Laughing Cow's Bunch TV Advert

Through the magic of Facebook's exploitative advertising regimes, I happened across a post from The Laughing Cow the other day, extolling the virtues of their newest advert. Hell, I love cheese triangles, and also wasting my time watching video snippets on the internet, so there was nothing stopping me pressing that play button. 

Well, I assume The Laughing Cow has a new target market, even though their cheese triangles are still next to the Cheesestrings and Lunchables at my local supermarket. They've gone full Sex And The City on this one, despite Sex And The City not being relevant for over a decade (or the better part of one, if you count the movies). It's so blatant, you can see it from the off. Our crazily ear-ringed hero is Carrie, the one alerting them to the presence of the manly bull is token Samantha, the coy recipient of said stud's attentions screams Charlotte... and Miranda is the ginger one. Of course, they have their own names here, Holly, Melissa and Tetters, although I'm not sure which one's which. But hey, there's promise of seeing lots more of them in the future, so perhaps their identities will be explored fully in future, or maybe they'll just keep making witty remarks about the low calorific content of their cheese and crackers.

That's another thing that's baffling about this advert. The setting is just odd. Why is there a singular table at the end of a gym? Shouldn't these ladies be busy working out instead of sitting down and stuffing their faces with strange triangular crackers? I really don't know what to make of it all, but I guess the message we should all take away from this is that women don't need men, as long as they have cream cheese triangles that only contain 25 calories. But wait, how many calories does that orange juice contain? Fruits are high in natural sugars! You're negating your healthy snacking options! 

Still, it can't all be bad, I sure do want some cheese triangles now. That's the power of advertising I guess.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: "The Bear & The Hare" John Lewis Christmas Advert

All other festivities are out of the way, no one can say it's too early for Christmas now. So it's nigh time for the TV adverts to come out in full force, to instill us with festive spirits and warm hearts. Some companies may go for the comedy factor, some will attempt to reduce us to blubbering, sentimental wrecks. Iceland will probably just parade out a selection of weird frozen desserts that cost £1. But here's John Lewis' offering, The Bear & The Hare.

Yes, it's the lovely, animated story of a bear and a hare who are the best of buds, but winter is coming, so Bear needs to hibernate, you know, to survive. This leaves Hare feeling very sad, because Bear never gets to see the wonder of Christmas. So, in John Lewis' own words, "This year Hare has a brilliant idea".

So while the other woodland animals set about decorating a gigantic tree (the birds do most of the work), Hare leaves a present at the mouth of Bear's cave, which turns out to be an alarm clock set for Christmas morning. So Bear wakes up, takes a wander, and discovers the magic of Christmas. How lovely, now you want to shop at John Lewis. Except now I know that John Lewis are advocated for animal cruelty.

You see, as much as this ad wants you to think that Bear and Hare are best buds, surely Hare would be more concerned with his friend's survival during the harsh winter months. Sure, Bear might like to see the wonder that is Christmas Day, but it happens during a time that he will likely freeze to death, which is why he is naturally hibernating. But Hare doesn't care about that, he leaves an intricately wrapped (for a hare) clock that will ring incessantly on Christmas morning, which will not only rouse Bear from his life-saving slumber, but force him to fumble about with the wrapping paper with his big bear paws and then figure out how to switch the damn thing off. He probably only left the cave to give Hare a slap and tell him to never do that again, but then he's distracted by the wonder of Christmas, so it's alright really. He can probably just make a fur coat out of the small rodents that he'll eat for a snack during his rude awakening. Not that there are many small rodents around, he probably ate most of them already. You know what? Let's not talk about the plot anymore. It's just not right.

So let's look at the ad itself. It certainly looks very nice. The animation is top notch, and despite there being a few different styles thrown in, it all works well together. The visuals do very well to invoke the spirit of Christmas, even though the delivery of the message is a bit... weird. I know John Lewis can do a lot more human stuff, their 2011 offering was fantastic, and last year's made me feel warm and fuzzy, even with the leading snowman. This just seems a bit lacklustre. A grandiose execution of a not-so-great idea. Even the soundtrack is a bit off. The choice of Somewhere Only We Go is a great fit, but why is Lily Allen singing it? Her distinct accent just isn't a good fit for the song, and certainly doesn't do much to make me feel Christmassy.

The Bear & The Hare is a good offering from John Lewis, at least on the surface. It looks fantastic, and carries the "joy of giving" theme that they've upheld over the last few years, but it just pales in comparison to their previous Christmas ads. The Bear & The Hare is a good attempt, but it probably won't be the best Christmas ad we'll see this year, especially now the Toys 'R' Us theme is back where it belongs.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Black Mirror: The Waldo Moment

Bet you thought I'd forgotten this one, didn't you? Actually, I just had to watch it a second time to really form my opinion on it. So yes, here we have the last episode in the second series of Black Mirror, and it seems as though Charlie Brooker has created a mirror himself thematically speaking. In the first series we had episodes about the effect of modern technology on politics, an unsettling dystopian future, and the dangers of our addiction to and excessive use of social media, respectively. This series, it was the other way round. Perhaps not intentional, but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, The Waldo Moment stars Daniel Rigby as Jamie, a down on his luck comedian who has found relative success on a late night comedy show voicing the offensive animated bear Waldo. After an interview between Waldo and an MP up for election goes viral, Jamie's team persuade him to go after the politician some more, and to stand in the election as the vulgar blue bear in order to gain publicity. But as Jamie gets drawn more into a world he doesn't quite understand, he finds himself snapping at the other nominees, labelling them as "fake", and inadvertently sparking something of a revolution in some citizens.

Of course, it's not all that straightforward. Charlie Brooker has made very sure to explore both sides of the coin in this episode. While he clearly displays the out of touch and precision engineered methods of politicians, he also warn of the dangers of going against the established system and voting based on character alone. Waldo has nothing to offer apart from going against the status quo, and the ramifications of that are clearly outlined in a scene with a Washington agent, and the results hinted at in the closing credits.It's very cleverly done, hence why I needed to watch it a second time to really wrap my head around the message it provides.

Daniel Rigby is fantastic as the Jamie/Waldo, and the scene in which he delivers his scathing speech against politics is fantastically written and performed, almost on par with the one delivered by Bing in last series' Fifteen Million Merits. But despite the somewhat disturbing message behind the episode it just didn't seem too Black Mirror-like compared to other episodes. A clear reason for this is because it was based on a plot written for a Nathan Barley episode, but I think it could have been easily saved with less of the build up at the beginning, and more explanation of the aftermath. The end credits scenes are probably the most interesting of the episode, but they're so short that it's quite ambiguous as to what has occurred. Perhaps that's intentional, but what's made other episodes great is that you can clearly see what is happening by the end, and the realisation that it could easily happen in our society is chilling. The Waldo Moment was a good episode, well written with acknowledgement of both sides of the debate. But with a little more length and clarity, this could have been fantastic.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Black Mirror: White Bear

Yeah, I'll probably end up reviewing all three of these. Tonight we got the answers behind that mysterious symbol flashing up in the ad breaks of last week's episode. In White Bear, Lenora Crichlow plays Toni, a woman who wakes up in an empty house with no memory. Upon leaving she finds herself being filmed by everyone around her, and soon finds herself chased by a guy with a shotgun and a strange symbol on his balaclava.

Sound confusing? Well, it is. For at least the first three quarters. We're dragged along behind Toni with only fragments of story and random flashes of memory, and the confusion only builds up as more twists and turns occur. With no real explanation given for what's going on, and only around 20 minutes until the end, I was starting to worry that Charlie Brooker would not deliver in this episode. Of course, I was wrong, and it all comes to a head with a very succinct few scenes that certainly leave a lasting impression. The last part of this episode truly captures what Black Mirror is all about, a very uneasy near future scenario that we can probably imagine happening.

It just takes a hell of a long time to get to that point. All the other episodes have pretty firmly established the uncomfortable scenarios that they will play out quite early on, but White Bear concerns itself with being more like a horror movie at the beginning. It's certainly well shot, with some great performances, but while other episodes have held my interest and had me thinking within the first few minutes, this one left me confused and begging for answers most of the way through, and looking back a lot of the stuff that was never explained in the beginning didn't really end up mattering anyway. White Bear was certainly a good watch, but it's not quite up to the standard that has been set by earlier episodes. Thankfully next week's looks pretty good.

 My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Black Mirror: Be Right Back

Black Mirror has returned for another series, and while I respect pretty much everything Charlie Brooker has ever done, I was a little skeptical about whether three more episodes could keep up the perfect feeling of unease that was created by the first series. Thankfully tonight proved me wrong.

Be Right Back follows Martha, a woman who loses her boyfriend Ash in a car crash. While she struggles to help with her sudden loss, a friend signs her up for a new software program that can pull all the public information Ash has posted online and create an online avatar for her to speak to in order to gain some closure. At first Martha is skeptical, but as she starts to communicate she finds herself more attached, and finds herself quickly moving up to the next stages of the program.

Be Right Back is a very striking look at sudden loss, and really makes us ask the question of whether we would take advantage of the same program if the technology were available. As Martha progresses through the different stages, the whole endeavour is portrayed as a romantic, sentimental journey, and it is left to us as the audience to really think about how unsettling the whole thing really is. This is what Black Mirror does so well, leaving us with a lot to think about and how plausible these situations really are.

So yes, the essence of Black Mirror is firmly in place, but Be Right Back also succeeds in its direction and casting. Some of the shots are beautifully done, and while the majority of screen time goes to Hayley Atwell as Martha and Domhnall Gleeson as Ash, they really carry the whole thing nicely, shifting through all the stages that their relationship goes through with a couple of great performances. I'm pleased to say that my skepticisms about this new series have so far been unfounded, and with Charlie Brooker writing all three episodes this time, I have nothing but high hopes for the rest.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: The Snowman And The Snowdog

The Snowman is a British Christmas tradition, though to be honest I'd rather have A Charlie Brown Christmas. The Snowman is basically about a boy who builds a snowman, which comes to life, flies him to a party and then melts the next day. The Snowman And The Snowdog is pretty much the same thing, but with a dog.

Okay, it's not as bad as I'm making out. The Snowman certainly has a certain amount of charm, nice animation, a good score, and the sequel actually manages to retain a lot of the feel of the original. The animation vibrates much like the first, and the music throughout was very fitting and well done. Even the original song playing through the flying scenes were quite good. Why some people have decried them not using "Walking In The Air" is beyond me.

The snow dog is quite a nice addition too. There was an obvious attempt at tearjerking with the boy's dog in the beginning, but while the snow version got up to a few antics throughout the rest of the show, there wasn't too much to keep me amazingly entertained. Still, I don't get particularly excited over the original, but the kids sure enjoyed both of them.

The Snowman And The Snowdog is a nice follow up to the original classic. The animation and score fit in perfectly, and while it does fall a bit flat overall, it certainly keeps up that Christmassy feeling.

My rating: 4/5 

Today's Review: Doctor Who: Asylum Of The Daleks

Huzzah, The Doctor is back, and right in the midst of his worst enemy. But, surprise twist, they need his help! You see, they need a planet full of broken and insane Daleks, the titular asylum, taken care of before the inmates escape. The reason behind the potential escape? A ship has crash landed through the forcefield, and the one remaining survivor has spent her time messing with the Dalek systems, and becoming obvious future companion material.

So yes, a lot of different elements at play here. The Daleks asking The Doctor for help, a sassy marooned space lady, weird human-Dalek amalgamations, and also Amy and Rory now hate each other. A bit too much to fit into 50 minutes? I believe so. Sure, the story was quite well fleshed out, especially the final moments featuring our new character, but everything seemed a bit too rushed and squeezed in. For a planet supposedly populated by millions of Daleks, we only saw about 15, and the whole sub-plot regarding Amy and Rory's relationship seemed completely pointless.

Still, I have some faith in this series. It's all part of a massive climactic arc, so I've read, so everything must have its place. I'm interested with how the end result of this episode pans out to the rest of them, and I hope some of the plot elements that seemed a little hollow here get fleshed out later on. But this is Moffat's Doctor Who. It was hard not to enjoy it. Matt Smith was as fantastic as ever, and while questions were certainly left unanswered, it was quite an enjoyable episode.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Black Mirror - 15 Million Merits

15 Million Merits is part two of Charlie Brooker's mini series that is designed to make us feel very uncomfortable with the modern world, the first part of which aired last week. While I neglected reviewing it, it was definitely a chilling and well done piece of drama, enough to make me excited for the next installment.

15 Million Merits is set in an alternate reality, or is it just a future time? It's not very clear, and in fact nothing is explained. The citizens we are introduced to live in cells, and pedal on bikes all day, every day in order to earn points, or Merits, that they can spend on items for their cartoonish avatars, food in vending machines, and the option to skip the obnoxious adverts that pop up in front of them at regular intervals. One resident, named Bing, meets a girl and begins to feel something he's never felt before, so he decides to give her some Merits so she can have a chance at winning the reality show Hot Shots, to graduate from the mundane cycling the rest are subjected to.

We don't know why these people live like this, or how this system developed, it's never explained. But in reality, it doesn't need explaining. The whole structure of this world is very familiar. We already spend days working mundane jobs for money that we spend on pointless things, often immaterial things. The whole avatar concept is firmly in place on XBox Live, for example. 15 Million Merits is certainly an unsettling piece of television, but only because it seems so plausible.

The episode focuses mainly on Bing (Daniel Kaluuya), and to very good effect. His character transforms from silent and accepting of his role in society, to unsettled and angry, and Kaluuya give it his all every step of the way, playing a perfect docile human, to delivering an outstanding monologue towards the end of the episode, which itself is used to even greater effect as the show draws to a close.

15 Million Merits is an extremely well written, well acted and haunting piece of television. If it doesn't evoke unsettling feelings in you, or make you question where the world is headed, then you might as well just get on your bike.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Sarah Millican - Chatterbox Live

I do like a bit of stand up now and then, but I don't really dabble too much. Also I don't really watch normal TV much, so I often miss out on panel shows like Mock The Week. As such I had absolutely no idea who Sarah Millican was, but I pretty much assumed she'd be like most other female comics I've seen, just complaining about being fat and ugly and saying how men are all shit.

It didn't help when the first jokes of her set were indeed about how fat she is. But she kept going, and eventually I found myself laughing. It's not so much the subject matter she covers rather than the limits she stretches. Sarah says some pretty dirty things in this show, but you can pretty much just laugh and forgive her because she's a fun, bubbly lady.

While her scripted jokes aren't all wonderful, the essence of Chatterbox lies in the audience interaction. At several points during the show Sarah poses questions and waits for anyone to shout out the answers, and her reactions and comebacks are witty and hilarious at times. It shows her strength as a comic in suppressing hecklers and responding to unexpected suggestions, and while she often leads the topic back on track to insert another planned story, it's these moments of random pontification that really make Sarah shine.

I was pleasantly surprised with Chatterbox. While it's certainly not perfect, I found myself laughing an awful lot, and Sarah Millican certainly has a lot of talent she can employ while thinking on her feet.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Red Or Black?

I must confess I got a bit suckered into this one. The ads didn't look too bad, with daredevil motorcyclists jumping over ramps and shit, all the fireworks and deep announcer voices. "Red Or Black?" looked pretty awesome.

I've been watching old game shows on Challenge the past few days, and have been reminded of such classics as Family Fortunes, Catchphrase, Crystal Maze and The Generation Game. Those were all awesome shows, and at least relied on some skill on the part of the player, not so much in Family Fortunes, but definitely in The Crystal Maze. But as I grew up these old shows faded away, and while we still see some things in the form The Cube or Hole In The Wall, there's nothing really that challenging around anymore.

"Red Or Black?" is no different. Following hot on the heels of the inexplicably popular Deal Or No Deal, it's one of those "make a guess and you might win" kind of games. Basically there are a shitload of people, who each have to choose either red or black. Then some event happens involving red or black, and the winner determines the half of the contestants that goes through to the next round. I say half, because although more than half may want to choose the same colour, they're pretty much forced to go half and half throughout.

The show started off quite nicely with the aforementioned daredevil bikers, then we saw David Hasselhoff being launched into the sky by Louis Walsh, because that's just what is classed as entertainment nowadays. All of this had been filmed before today though, so when we finally got to the live part with the few remaining contestants things suddenly got a lot more boring. Especially the bit where Leona Lewis sang a song and then opened a briefcase. Ooh, how dangerous and exciting.

The bit that made me laugh was when the people in the show congratulated people for getting through, saying it has not been easy. It's been pretty easy for them actually, they've just had to stand there and say one of two words throughout the entire process. They're probably the most lazy game show contestants to have ever existed. At least a nice guy got through to the final, and actually won the million pound prize that's up for grabs each evening it's on. He did just have to choose between red and black for one last time though, with the decider this time in the very subtle form of a massive roulette wheel. In fact, Wikipedia states "Simon Cowell said that Red or Black? was inspired by the game of roulette". Well, I could've guessed that, Sherlock. No need to wave it in my face right at the end too.

"Red Or Black" is just boring. Despite the fireworks and stunts going on throughout it's still just a bunch of people standing around saying either "red" or "black" and then crying if they don't get their own way. I can't blame them too much though, a few of them don't seem like the kind of people who know what such alien concepts of "luck" and "statistics" are.

My rating: 1/5