Today’s Review: Drumchick Squashies

Yes, it’s only January and I’m reviewing my second Easter product. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Anyway, I couldn’t pass up a new flavour of Squashies, they’re one of the best sweet products in recent years. These aren’t your regular Squashies though, they’re shaped like chicks! Aww.

Yes, very adorable, almost made me not want to bite their little heads off, but of course I did. These are a bit tougher than the regular Squashies, which is a little disappointing, I like the softness of the original. While the orange and pineapple is nice and fruity, that extra chewing time means the flavour outstays its welcome a little bit, the citrus element comes through a bit too much at the end. Still, a minor thing, it certainly didn’t stop me scoffing a few down at a time. Thee aren’t as good as the fantastic Halloween edition, but they’re a nice fruity spring offering.

My rating: 4/5

Today’s Review: When There’s Nothing Interesting At The End Of The Credits

Post-credits scenes are by no means a new thing, they’ve been around for years. Often little nods or fun skits, but Marvel have made it their mission to make everyone watch to the end to get a proper glimpse at what’s to come. I sure as hell stay until the end of every Marvel movie, even when I go and see the midnight showing. But now I’m conditioned to watch to the end of the credits so that I can see some glory unfold before me, be it a movie or a game. Unfortunately it sometimes doesn’t pan out, and I’ve just wasted 10-15 minutes of my life watching names go by with no payoff. 

I get it, the credits are there to acknowledge all the work of the folk who created what I’ve just experienced. But that really doesn’t affect me, I’m just here for more content and it’s damn annoying when nothing happens. I’m not the only person who feels this way, there are websites dedicated to identifying post-credits scenes, they do the work so you don’t have to. Because getting to the end of that scrawl with nothing to show for it is just the worst.

My rating: 1/5

Today’s Review: Jacob’s Cracker Crisp Thins Thai Sweet Chilli

I love Jacob’s Cracker Crisps, they’re thick, crunchy bites of pure flavour, and they’re my go to for a satisfying crisp-like snack. But now they’re expanding to to the “thin” market, and I have to say they suffer for it. These thin cracker crisps aren’t nearly as satisfying. Sure, the taste is still good, but the amount of flavouring is quite disappointing. I had to shove a few more in my mouth at a time to get that same level of spice as the originals. I guess that last sentence will tell you that I’m probably not the audience they’re trying to reach, but if you’re watching your calories you could just buy the thicker crackers and have less, and probably a better time. I don’t know, these may work for some, and they’re not bad, I just think they’re unnecessary.

My rating: 3/5

Today’s Review: Flipz Unicornz

The unicorn craze is now available in pretzel form. Pretty late to the unicorn party, we have this variety of Flipz that has a tenuous link to the mythical animal in that they are purple. Unicorns are white, man. Your fudge pretzels were white anyway, you could have just put a horn on the packet. These things are pretty much the same taste wise as the regular white fudge ones, which in my opinion pales in comparison to the chocolate flavour. It’s a thick, slightly milky tasting coating which is a little sickly, with a pretty decent crunchy, salty pretzel underneath. I got a little hint of fruitiness in the flavour, but that’s probably ‘cause my brain was trying to justify the purple. All in all it’s a pretty mediocre variation on a pretzel that wasn’t too great to start with. I definitely think something has been lost in translation bringing these Flipz over to the UK.

My rating: 3/5

Today’s Review: This Disclaimer On A Shampoo Advert

This is it. This is what the world has come to. A world where not only are people are likely to eat shampoo, but are likely to sue the shampoo companies after doing so. I have never seen a disclaimer for shampoo that told me not to eat it, I guess I thought it was fairly simple. I guess they added it in there because the shampoo has the word “superfood” in the title. I’m barely sure of the benifucial rffecrs of actual superfoods in my body, let alone ones I’d get through drinking shampoo. If they thought the title was going to create an issue, why didn’t the call it something other than “superfood”?

Of course, Pantene aren’t completely to blame. We live in a litigious soviety with a healthy population of idiots, so its possible someone would try to chug from the bottle for those sweet sweet nutrients. What’s next? A shampoo that has a variation of “look” in the name that warns you not to rub it vigorously into your eyes?

I don’t know, I despair sometimes. A world where we have to be reminded not to drink shampoo is just a bad one. But maybe I’m just angry because that warning ruins my chances of selling this to that niche market between late 20s nutrition addicts and those teenagers who ate Tide pods. 

My rating: 0/5

Today’s Review: M&Ms Eggs

Easter is here! Well, the products are anyway. I’ve already heard complaints from some, but I do like a properly stocked seasonal aisle. We have the usual Creme Egg stuff, alongside various bags of mini eggs, but there’s a new kid on the block as M&Ms join in with the Easter hype.

Well, they’re as I was expecting. M&Ms are chocolate with a sugar shell coating, and so are these eggs. They’re nice and speckled too, don’t they look lovely? Taste wise, they’re much like the transition from Smarties to Smarties eggs, if you like the original you’ll like these. Naturally, due to the different shape and size, there is substantially more chocolate than your average M&M, so these are a tiny bit more sickly, but still good. A nice little twist on the original, and a good addition to the Easter line up.

My rating: 4/5

Today’s Review: Monster Vanilla Espresso

Guess who’s back, back again. Yes, it’s me, that guy who reviews something every day. Except I somewhat retired back in September after several uninterrupted years. But I think I needed the break. My posts were becoming uninspired, a constant cranking out of low effort content just to keep up with that daily target. So those few months seem to have gotten my creative juices flowing a little better, and since it’s January 1st it’s time for “new year, new review”.

What better way to kick off the new year than with a kick in a can? Here we have Monster’s foray into the coffee market with this espresso blend. They’ve already tackled tea, which is... alright, but now you can get this triple shot espresso with the good old Monster formula mixed in, which isn’t for the weak hearted, medically speaking of course. Also pregnant women. 

I gotta say, this isn’t too bad. I went for the vanilla because I thought the regular flavour might be a little bitter, and I was pleasantly surprised at how smooth this was. Obviously this isn’t a full blown espresso, there’s some milk chucked in as well, but it’s a smooth tasting coffee blend that has a fairly authentic espresso flavour. There’s also a hint of that distinctive Monster taste as well, which is a little jarring, but the coffee does win out in the end. Clearly not one for the coffee aficionados, but if you’re looking for a can of wake up juice you can’t go wrong with this, just don’t drink too many, okay?

Looks like this bad boy retails for £1.99. A bit steep, but it’s included in the Tesco meal deal, so grab yourself a sandwich and a snack for an extra pound and brag to all your friends about what a great deal you just got.

My rating: 4/5