Today's Review: The Awakening

The Awakening is a horror set in the early 1920s. Rebecca Hall stars as Florence, a woman who has devoted her life to exposing supposed ghost sightings and savants as fakes. When a man named Robert (Dominic West) shows up and states he has a case of a real ghost haunting the boarding school he works at, Florence is intrigued. After seemingly getting to the root of the problem in a matter of days, it starts to become clear that not everything is as it seems, and there is certainly some presence in the school, with interest in Florence.

The Awakening is quite a slow burner. It takes a while to start out, and even then it plods along slightly. But it's very deliberately done in order to keep up the confusion and suspense. There's great imagery all over the place, and clues that point towards the ending. Not that they ruin anything, but when you look back at the events of the film after watching, everything falls into place. It's very well put together, although not overly scary. There are a few good jump scares, yes, but most of the effort is put into creating a constant sense of unease.

Pretty much everyone in The Awakening is fantastic. Rebecca Hall does an outstanding job going from confident hoax exposer to quivering wreck, and West takes on a great lead male role. The children are all pretty convincing too, and only help to add to the atmosphere of the movie, especially one boy by the name of Tom (Isaac Hempstead Wright).

If you're after a good horror, The Awakening is definitely one to go for. It's not an outright crap your pants scare fest, but it's a deeply thought out and involved movie. It may be a bit slow at times, but the payoff is satisfying and will leave you thinking for a while.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Monster Rehab

Holy crap, a new Monster! I always get excited over a new energy drink flavour, but this one sounded a little bit strange. "Tea + Still Lemonade + Energy", because "Energy" counts as a drink I guess. Apparently it's designed to both refresh and relax you, not sure how, but there you go. Perhaps that yellow is meant to be calming, but to me it looks a little obnoxious.

Truth is, it doesn't taste great. As I've stated before, the energy drinks that are more effective for me are the ones that actually taste like energy drinks. This one does taste a bit like lemonade, but quite cloudy, and the other shit that's thrown in there doesn't make it very refreshing. I managed to finish the can, and it wasn't too bad, but it didn't wake me up too much. I'll go with the regular Monster anyday.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: Anonymous

Anonymous seems to have crept up on me. I saw a few posters around when it came out in the cinema, but I'd completely forgotten about it until the DVD turned up. But I sure did look forward to watching it.

Anonymous harks back to the times of Shakespeare and the rule of Queen Elizabeth. The movie portrays a conspiracy theory of sorts, that states Shakespeare in fact did not write any of the plays attributed to him. In the midst of Elizabeth's unwillingness to name an heir to the throne, Edward deVere, Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans), pens many plays and hands them over to a little known struggling playwright, Ben Jonson, to perform. After one of the first showings sparks an uprising in the audience, Jonson is reluctant to claim authorship himself, leaving the glory free to be taken by William Shakespeare. The plays that de Vere writes are designed to skew the opinion of the public into backing the heir that de Vere wishes to take the throne, but will his plan go as smoothly as he wants?

The premise of Anonymous is quite excellent. Although there may be no proof whatsoever into the theory, it is very nicely integrated with the political turbulence of the time. There are some historical inaccuracies that have been pointed out on Wikipedia and the like, but in the name of entertainment the movie is a very good effort.

The only real problem I had with the movie is that fact that it jumps around a lot. Some of the action takes place in the time of Shakespeare's rising fame, while half shows the earlier life of de Vere, his prodigious talent for writing, and his relationship with Elizabeth. Many characters are introduced and the action often jumps backwards and forwards without warning, so if you're not paying attention it's quite easy to get lost.

Still, the plot is quite well rounded, and supported by some great performances. Ifans is wonderful in his role, though kudos as well to Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays the younger version of de Vere. While the plot may seem a bit awkward at times, the overall story and the well portrayed characters should keep your attention. I certainly enjoyed it.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: The Rum Diary

The Rum Diary follows the story of Paul Kemp, played by Johnny Depp. After becoming fed up with America, he flies on down to Puerto Rico to write for a newspaper. After befriending a few oddballs and becoming quite taken with rum, he meets an enterprising businessman (Aaron Eckhart) who has a proposition that could do Kemp a lot of good. But with the rum making every day a little more wacky, it's not long before things start tearing at the seams.

The Rum Diary is quite a drawn out movie. It seems to lazily glide along with no real direction. I guess that's a reflection of the main character, but that's not really what I want to see in a movie. It's just a sequence of scenes in which Johnny Depp plays a drunk guy and gets into mishaps. Don't get me wrong, it's quite entertaining in places, especially in the middle when Kemp and his newspaper friend have some car trouble in the countryside. But at the end of it all the plot just kind of fizzles out, and I was left wondering if there was really much point.

But that doesn't mean The Rum Diary is bad, it just means there isn't a great amount of substance to it. There are some great performances in this movie, especially from Johnny Depp and Michale Rispoli. I was watching it in the early hours of the morning, and while most movies would have me drifting off to sleep at this time, The Rum Diary kept me entertained enough to stay awake until the end. Good effort, but I'm sure there could have been a bit more to it if they tried.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Tesco's Snowco Snaps

Holy crap! How has no one else thought of this? Probably because it's a little weird. Snowco Snaps are pretty much like Coco Pops, but covered in white chocolate instead of milk. Pretty crazy, especially for breakfast, but it's a novel idea. The cereal itself is a tad larger than your regular Coco Pop, not sure why, but there you go.

As for the taste, it will certainly take some getting used to. I wouldn't say it's a bad tasting cereal, but because the flavour is so novel, and white chocolate normally isn't associated with breakfast, it just all feel a little odd. Especially when it turns the milk white chocolatey as well. Perhaps after a few more bowls I shall become more accustomed, but I'm pretty sure it won't reach the heights of regular chocolate cereals in my esteem. Still, good idea, and good effort.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: Immortals

Ooh, big men with swords and shields and shit. I know this one is going to be popular.

Immortals is the latest in the seemingly endless onslaught of Greek mythology inspired kill-em-ups that Hollywood have been churning out recently. Well, it's either Greek mythology or medieval stuff. I don't know why America has such a big boner for those kinds of actions movies. I guess it's because they never experienced it. By the time they gained independence it was all over, all they had was the wild west.

Immortals tells the story of Theseus, a strapping young man who's really good with a spear whose destiny becomes intertwined with the gods after a formidable army marches its way through the region. The "Immortals" in question are both the gods and the titans, the former of which banished the latter after a big ass fight in the sky. Well, there's a guy named Hyperion who isn't too happy with the gods as they let his family die, so he decides to set the titans free and watch as the gods are all slaughtered. If only Theseus didn't keep getting in his way all the time. Pesky meddling kid.

Immortals is your regular Greek slasher movie. There are lots of swords, countless guards that can be easily struck down by one guy with a spear, and a few huge dudes that are seemingly invincible and speak only in grunts. If you're looking for something that'll make you think, I don't even know why you'd consider this. It's all been done before really, but I must admit that Immortals was quite well done, although as mind numbing as all the others.

The cast is fairly standard. It's a plethora of young men with impressive physiques running around with no tops on a lot of the time despite them running into battle. I don't know why guys get so hung up on watching romantic comedies, this movie has to be one of the most homo-erotic things I've seen in a while. Put some damn armour on, you hussies. The acting, understandably, is so so, but no one's really going to watch it for Oscar material, it's all about the action, and that's all pulled off pretty nicely, with nice slow motion effects and good choreography.

So yes, Immortals is better than a lot of the hack and slash movies I've seen in recent months. But it's still only alright. There's just nothing too special about it, it just kind of drifts in the middle of the road. If you like your swords and blood and fighting though, this one is definitely for you.

My rating: 3/5

Today's Review: No Fear Energy Drink

You know, I was thinking there just aren't enough brands of energy drink out there these days, I never have quite enough choice. But now my problems are solved in the form of No Fear, an energy drink by... a clothing brand. Go figure. But hey, the can is black and it has a skull on the front, so it's going to appeal to all those tween boys who want to look edgy and cool, then just get hyperactive on the stuff and talk rapidly about butts and things.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh. There's always room for an energy drink in my life, perhaps a new one can one day dethrone my favourites. To be honest, No Fear isn't too bad. It tastes like most other energy drinks, if not a little watered down. I'd hardly call it extreme energy, but it's not an awful drink. But what really sullied the experience for me was thins fucking thing:

"What is that?!" I hear you cry. Why, it's the technology of the future, a resealable drinks can. Apparently No Fear thought their drink was too extreme to finish in one sitting, so this fancy thing was plopped on top. Perhaps a good idea in theory, but in reality it's a nightmare. 

How does it work? Basically you twist the black plastic part around and it open up a small hole directly in the centre of the top of the can. It really has to be experienced to be believed, but I'm sure you can guess how annoying this thing is to drink. While with a regular can you'd perch your lips over the corner, with No Fear you have to basically plaster your lips over the top of the can, and lift it all the way up to get some drink. Even then, the tiny size of the hole ensures you don't get a refreshing mouthful for a good few seconds, and all that while people around you are wondering why that guy over there can't drink things properly. 

It's a pretty awful way of drinking things. Even if I managed to get a decent amount of drink, the moment any part of my lips broke the seal around the hole some of the drink went dribbling down my chin. Do we really need resealable cans? I don't think so. I've never heard anyone complain about it. Even if you were to address the problem, this is clearly not the way to do it. 

My rating: 0/5