Friday 2 March 2012

Today's Review: Immortals

Ooh, big men with swords and shields and shit. I know this one is going to be popular.

Immortals is the latest in the seemingly endless onslaught of Greek mythology inspired kill-em-ups that Hollywood have been churning out recently. Well, it's either Greek mythology or medieval stuff. I don't know why America has such a big boner for those kinds of actions movies. I guess it's because they never experienced it. By the time they gained independence it was all over, all they had was the wild west.

Immortals tells the story of Theseus, a strapping young man who's really good with a spear whose destiny becomes intertwined with the gods after a formidable army marches its way through the region. The "Immortals" in question are both the gods and the titans, the former of which banished the latter after a big ass fight in the sky. Well, there's a guy named Hyperion who isn't too happy with the gods as they let his family die, so he decides to set the titans free and watch as the gods are all slaughtered. If only Theseus didn't keep getting in his way all the time. Pesky meddling kid.

Immortals is your regular Greek slasher movie. There are lots of swords, countless guards that can be easily struck down by one guy with a spear, and a few huge dudes that are seemingly invincible and speak only in grunts. If you're looking for something that'll make you think, I don't even know why you'd consider this. It's all been done before really, but I must admit that Immortals was quite well done, although as mind numbing as all the others.

The cast is fairly standard. It's a plethora of young men with impressive physiques running around with no tops on a lot of the time despite them running into battle. I don't know why guys get so hung up on watching romantic comedies, this movie has to be one of the most homo-erotic things I've seen in a while. Put some damn armour on, you hussies. The acting, understandably, is so so, but no one's really going to watch it for Oscar material, it's all about the action, and that's all pulled off pretty nicely, with nice slow motion effects and good choreography.

So yes, Immortals is better than a lot of the hack and slash movies I've seen in recent months. But it's still only alright. There's just nothing too special about it, it just kind of drifts in the middle of the road. If you like your swords and blood and fighting though, this one is definitely for you.

My rating: 3/5

1 comment:

  1. The graphics were amazing, and even though the acting and story was a little off, it was very cool. It was made by the producers of 300, so I had high expectations when I watched it. I had it sent to me in the mail since I subscribe to Blockbuster @Home. I like Blockbuster @Home because I can rent many movies as soon as they release like Immortals by mail or from the store. I also have the option to stream different movies to my computer or iPad anywhere I am, such as at DISH where I work or in the library waiting for class to start. I have been wondering if a sequel is coming since the ending scene was with the son of Theseus.