Today's Review: Ginger Beer

Not often, but sometimes, I am partial to a bit of ginger. The gingerbread man is a good form for ginger to take, as it may be slightly spicy, but the edge is taken off the unpleasantness by the sugar and the gumdrop buttons. Yes, I don't like the taste of ginger, but I still want to eat it, and that's weird. What's even more weird are the times I crave ginger beer.

It's basically fizzy water that tastes like burning. A gingery, fiery, carbonated drink. On paper that sounds disgusting, and while I'm drinking it it tastes pretty bad too. But something keeps drawing me back, and I don't know what it is. There's a half full bottle in my fridge, and while I've given up on every glass halfway through I still kinda want some now that I'm thinking about it. I don't understand. I guess my body thinks it's nice even though most of my senses disagree. Ginger beer is an odd drink indeed.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: Maltesers Teasers

While it was indeed a sad day when Galaxy Truffles disappeared from the Celebrations lineup, there did remain one chocolate that hardly appeared, and was fiercely fought over. The Maltesers Teasers are little bitesize pieces of heaven, filled with crunchy malty bits, but with so much more chocolate than their ordinary Maltesers brethren.

We've sampled the Teasers outside of their chocolate box habitat in the form of Malteaster Bunnies, but now Mars have decided they can cash in all year, and have given us a Malteser Teasers bar. Available in both single and share size, these bobbly chocolatey slabs are full to the brim with malt pieces. The picture on the front doesn't even seem like an exaggeration, the bar is chock full,as well as choc full (har har). The combination of creamy chocolate and crunchiness is perfectly proportioned, much like they are in the Celebrations version. It's great to see it perfectly extrapolated to a large size, and this is certainly a fantastic chocolate bar. Finally we can enjoy Maltesers Teasers without having to buy a massive box of chocolates or wait until Easter. Let's hope this bar sticks around.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Pre-Grated Cheese

One of my most used utensils in my kitchen is the cheese grater. Where blocks or slices of cheese are not particularly useful, you can bet that grated is the way to go. Just run that block up and down those sharp little holes and watch as the cheese settles onto your pizza/salad/other food item like a strange dairy snow.

But apparently people are too lazy to grate, because supermarkets sell cheese in pre-grated form. Why? I have no idea. I've only bought pre-grated cheese once, because the price was massively reduced, and it was horrible. The chunks were way too big, and there was a lot more surface area to get that weird rubber texture that is normally just present around the outside of your standard block.

I wasn't disappointed to find that it was disgusting, because pre-grated cheese seems like the epitome of culinary laziness. Cheese graters are cheap, easy to use, and offer many different sized holes for you to rub your blocks over. Is it really that hard for people to do? I understand some people may not be physically able to grate cheese, but I see people buying this stuff all the time. It just baffles me. It may be easy to dump a bag of grated cheese onto your pizza base, but that doesn't make it right.

My rating: 0/5

Today's Review: Cinnamon Rolls

I have mentioned my hatred of cinnamon, and the origin of that hatred before. To this day it remains one of the few foods I can't stand. But one thing baffles me: I absolutely love cinnamon rolls.

I don't know why I first had one. I got it from Cinnabon, and there's no way I didn't know about the cinnamon content because it's in the damn name. But there was something about that plump, rolled dough, draped with lashings of icing, that made me want one bad. Upon eating it I knew I made the right decision. Cinnamon rolls are chewy, doughy, smooth, slightly spicy and satisfying. Rather than overpowering the other flavours like it had done in other foods I've tried, the cinnamon in the cinnamon roll just complements everything perfectly.

So while I may never fully accept cinnamon as a nice spice, there obviously are ways it can be used that are appealing to me. Cinnamon rolls is definitely one of those ways.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Cadbury Marvellous Creations: Jelly Popping Candy

Yay, a new Cadbury bar that isn't just the same bar with a different shape. Plus it looks like they're trying some bold moves too. These Marvellous Creations bars seem to involve shoving a bunch of random stuff into chocolate, and I'm certainly all for that. In this bar there is a generous smattering of jelly sweets, which are themselves full of popping candy. Crazy. So all at once we have the smooth, creamy chocolate, the chewy jelly, and the slightly crunchy and tongue tingling popping candy.

The sad thing is they don't all fit together too nicely. Each element by itself is awesome, even chocolate and popping candy together is very nice, but there's something about mixing the jelly and the chocolate that doesn't sit right with me. Partly the difference in consistency, but mostly due to the flavour. You start off with the very distinct creamy taste of Dairy Milk, but once you start chewing the jelly shells, the flavour gets intense very fast, and ends up overpowering the chocolate itself. Then, as the chocolate fades away, you're left with a lump of very sickly, chewy jelly, which didn't round off my experience all too well. I think I'll go with the more conservative sounding Cookie Nut Crunch next time, this was just a bit too mish-mashy for me.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: Tesco Blue Spark Energy Drink

For those of us who can't quite afford the sub-£1 Tesco brand Kx energy drink, they've presented a cheaper option, in the form of Blue Spark. It's like the White Lightning of energy drinks.

Clocking in at a mere 35p, Blue Spark promises a "fruit flavour" that is not specified in any way whatsoever. Well, having tried it, I can tell you that the flavour is in fact not specific at all. If I had to name a fruit, I'd say blueberry, but I may have been swayed by the name. At any rate, if it is blueberry flavoured, those blueberries have been introduced to many interesting chemicals, because that's the overpowering taste here. Sure, every energy drink tastes a little like that, but this is worse, and, while refreshing at first, left me with a somewhat dry taste in the mouth. I didn't even feel any kind of energy boost after drinking it, so overall I'm pretty disappointed. I guess I'll have to spring for the extra 34p for the good stuff.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: Getting Food Stuck Between Your Teeth

I'm sure we've all had it happen before. You go about your day, smiling, talking and whatnot, only to get home, glance in the mirror and- "Holy shit! There's a great big piece of food stuck in my teeth! I had lunch hours ago! How many people saw it? Why did nobody tell me?"

It's an embarrassing discovery, because no one wants to be thought of as having poor dental hygiene, and nothing says that more than letting your food hang out at the front of your gums for a while (apart from having rotten stumps for teeth I guess). But sadly, getting food between your teeth is pretty unavoidable sometimes, and unless you check your teeth every time you eat that food is going to stay there a while, meaning people may be judging you wherever you go.

But why does food have to get stuck in your teeth anyway? Why should teeth be individual peg things with room in between for such awful things? I know there are probably various biological and evolutionary reasons for our teeth being the way they are, but really, having a wall of enamel that we can use to crunch with no fear of errant food hanging around doesn't sound so bad. The dental floss business would collapse, but we would have mouths like cartoon characters, and that's cool.

Getting food stuck between your teeth is annoying, embarrassing and unnecessary. It's made me want to check my teeth after every single thing I eat, but if I do that at work and find something then I'll have no toothbrush to remedy the situation. Getting food out of your teeth with your fingers is no easy task, and I find flossing pretty cringeworthy too. The whole thing is just annoying. Maybe I'll just eat my food liquefied to be safe.

My rating: 0/5