Today's Review: The iPhone 4's Resistance To Tea

You know what I've always wondered? What happens to an iPhone if you dunk it in tea. Haven't you? No, me neither, because I'm pretty sure that would kill it dead. But, as science states, you can't know anything for sure, but you can back it up heavily with empirical evidence. So my son decided to take it upon himself to test this hypothesis this morning by taking my uninsured iPhone 4 and dropping it in a mug of leftover tea.

Turns out I was correct in my hypothesis. So don't try this at home, unless you're set on replicating the experiment for further validation. In which case you're an idiot and deserve everything you get. I can also describe my feelings upon finding out my phone was submerged in tea. It consisted of hurriedly trying to find ways to get it dry, then finding out that in fact it would not boot up at all, at which point I stuck it in a bag of rice and spent several hours moping and trying to figure out how to buy a new phone without declaring myself bankrupt. So see if you can replicate them too. It's fun, I'll tell you.

But while I'm on the subject, what the hell Apple? You're meant to be creating awesome phones that never go wrong. You've got the reinforced glass and everything, and one little splash of tea compromises the whole system? I can only conclude that Apple are xenophobes. I bet if you splash a massive cup of slushie on an iPhone it'll bounce off, because this is a phone for Americans. I also heard that if a businessman spurts his espresso over his phone while laughing at an ironic piece in the New York Times, the iPhone will absorb it and inject it into his brain when he takes his next business call. I heard that from my own mind, but it's probably true.

But no, tea is for old British people who sit around tutting at things and genuinely believe that on a hot day a hot drink will cool you down. These people shouldn't own iPhone, it brings the demographic to a place that is distinctly uncool. So upon contact with even the tiniest amount of tea, the iPhone shuts down automatically and refuses to respond. Therefore Apple are bastards. Unless they give me a new iPhone once I confront them with how I worked out their plan. I'll let you know how it goes.

My rating: 0/5