Monday, 16 July 2018

Today's Review: Rustlers All Day Breakfast Sausage Muffin

Not content with providing a wide array of microwaveable burgers of dubious quality, Rustlers have decided to tackle the breakfast market, with their take on the classic Sausage McMuffin. Where a McDonald's breakfast is a haven for the lazy and hungover, it seems this is for those who are one further than that. It's a quick fix breakfast, a sausage patty in an English muffin, that you can chuck in the microwave for a minute.

You know, this isn't too bad. I mean, it's not fantastic, but it contains a substantial, satisfyingly meaty patty, and while the muffin isn't much to write home about, it's pretty alright for microwaved bread. The cheese and ketchup are a welcome addition, even if they are rubbery and watery respectively. So yes, this is by no means gourmet food, but it's a decent attempt at a quick breakfast, allowing you to nuke and leave. 

My rating: 3/5

Sunday, 15 July 2018

Today's Review: Tesco Corndogs

I've tried corndogs but a few times in my life, only while visiting America. But now you can get them in Tesco. I never thought this day would come, I figured they were so distinctly American there would never be a market for them anywhere else. For those who don't know, corn dogs are basically hot dogs on a stick, covered in a corn based batter. They're disgusting by nature, but also so good, a fatty, calorific feast of everything that makes all that over the top American food so good. But how do these stack up?

These corndogs are ones you oven bake from frozen, while the ones I bought over in America were microwaveable. As such, I'm not sure if I gave these the perfect time required in the oven, but they came our with a crispy corn shell, compared to the softer batter I tried in the States. It's no biggie, the flavour is still there, a nice corn based dough that complements the hot dog quite well. The dog in the middle is decent, fairly meaty, not your most disgusting level hot dog. I would say I'd prefer a softer outer layer than the crispy one I got, but overall these were like a blast from the past. It's a shame they're only in miniature party form, I'd love to snack on a full size corndog one of these days. Oh well, this is a step in the right direction. Now if only Tesco could start making peanut butter and jelly...

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 14 July 2018

Today's Review: Incredibles 2

I've only been waiting for this movie for 14 years. No biggie. I mean, for most of that time it was officially stated it wasn't coming, but its announcement a few years back made me more than excited. Now it's here, Incredibles 2, the sequel to movie that turned the superhero genre on its head before the superhero genre had really found its feet. Before the Avengers, Pixar had a whole family fighting together with complementary super powers, and had addressed the problems of supers on the loose long before Captain America: Civil War.  

Incredibles 2 starts where the first left off, literally, with the super family taking on the Underminer. After taking care of business, the Parrs once again find themselves on the wrong side of the law, but Elastigirl is soon offered a job that will hopefully change how super heroes are perceived. So off she goes to save the world, leaving Bob with the kids...

Okay, I get some of the criticisms for this movie. In terms of story beats, it's somewhat similar to the first. I guessed the twist before it happened, there's nothing particularly new in terms of social commentary, but still, it's a solid plot with a few twists and turns. Where the story falters, the action more than makes up for it. With the first movie establishing the characters, this one just lets them loose, all the powers working together in some truly awesome action set pieces, with some new super heroes chucked in for good measure. Someone's been paying attention to the Avengers, the fights in this movie are just great. 

The visuals have received a fantastic update (no surprise for 14 years later), everyone looks great, and most of the old voices are back, as well as a fantastic score from Michael Giacchino. As always, that Pixar charm is ever present, some great comedic moments alongside the pure, beautiful action.

The plot may be simple, re-hashing some of the stuff from the first movie, but this is a very entertaining update on the original, a new Incredibles for a new generation. I had a blast, and I would be very happy to see it again. Pure enjoyment.

My rating: 4/5

Friday, 13 July 2018

Today’s Review: Supermarket Aisles Changing

As you may have guessed, I like food shopping. It allows me to look for all the interesting new snacks on offer. But despite my love for new things, I still go into the supermarket with a specific order in mind. I know the layout, which aisle holds which foods. So imagine my horror when yesterday I turned the corner expecting to find cereal, and was instead met with chocolate.

It bewildered me. Not only were the aisles completely changed, they were still in the process of swapping them around. In the process I somehow managed to not pick up any crisps, it was horrible. Why mess with the formula? I get the need for merchandising changes, but something this drastic makes for a jarring shopping experience. I have a route, an agenda. I’m still getting over the time they moved the cucumbers to an end cap instead of next to the peppers. Now I have a whole new route to plan out, and it’s awful.

My rating: 0/5

Thursday, 12 July 2018

Today's Review: McVitie's Moments Choccy Rocky Road

McVitie's are going a bit fancy with their biscuits, they've brought out a range of interesting concoctions centred around their classic brands, and this is the one I went for today. Here we have four little slabs of rocky road, made with Digestives, and pulled together with chocolate, marshmallow, crisp cereal and cherries.

These aren't bad, there's a bit of a heavy focus on the biscuit, but all the elements are noticeable. The marshmallow adds a satisfying chewiness, the cherries give a nice burst of flavour. I wouldn't say the cereal adds much to the experience, especially since it's already pretty heavy on the biscuit. Also, it could probably do with more chocolate, there's enough to give it that overall flavour, but as a whole these squares were a little dry. So yeah, they're alright, but with a retail price of £1.70 I don't think they're really worth it. I picked them up for £1 and was still a little disappointed. You'd be better off making your own rocky road, just grab some Digestives and make sure you've got a load of chocolate.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

Today's Review: Football Not Coming Home

Well, that's unfortunate. But what can I say? You all jinxed it. Maybe sing less next time. Oh well, the boys did good, so we've got that going for us, which is nice. Let's keep calm and carry on.

My rating: 2/5

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

Today’s Review: The Sudden Disappearance Of The Sun

It’s been hot lately, hasn’t it? Well, of course you don’t need me to tell you that if you’re British, it’s all you’ve been talking about. But as much as we moan about the heat, we’re equally likely to moan about it coming to an end, and that’s what I’m doing here. I’ve only just gotten used to leaving the house without a jumper or jacket of any description, and yesterday I was met with a chilly breeze. Unacceptable. I know humans can adapt, but that doesn’t mean I want to constantly get used to new weather. Now I have to get used to these colder climes so I can moan when it gets hot again. It’s hard being British.

My rating: 1/5

Monday, 9 July 2018

Today's Review: McVitie's Hobnobs THins

The thin biscuit trend is very much alive, just check these out. They're like Digestives Thins, but this time they're made of chocolate Hobnobs. Yes, that's about it, these are thin versions of the classic Hobnob, but they still manage to get that chocolate layer on top. You actually get a fair amount in the packet, which is good, because they're very moreish. They have that awesome oaty flavour you'd find in your regular Hobnob, and chocolate makes everything better. What I will say is that in the process of becoming thin, these biscuits have lost a certain something, I think the chunkiness of a Hobnob is what makes it great, but the oats in these have pretty much been squashed to oblivion. Still good though, and better for you, as long as you can stop eating them...

My rating: 4/5

Sunday, 8 July 2018

Today's Review: Tetley Super Squash Berry Burst

This "adult squash" trend that has popped up recently is somewhat baffling. I didn't know that squash was considered just for kids, but apparently there's a market for this stuff, I guess like those Harry Potter books with the "adult" covers. Here we have Tetley's effort at creating a "super squash"which not only contains fruit, but also vitamin B6, which can help reduce fatigue. So this is medicinal squash for adults? I wasn't convinced, but I had to try it just to see what it was like.

I think Tetley should stick to making tea, this is not good squash. There's some amount of berry flavouring in there, particularly strawberry, but the majority is apple, and it's not great The fruit is overall a bit weak and it has a bit of a funny after taste. Plus it's only single concentrate, so it's not even economical. Just get regular squash, the supermarket brands are better, and if you're that worried about fatigue, there are probably better ways to deal with it than drinking cordial.

My rating: 1/5

Saturday, 7 July 2018

Today's Review: Propercorn Chocolate Popcorn

The popcorn trend seems to be experience a little revival after dwindling over the past couple of years. Here we have a new flavour of Propercorn, who brought out the divine peanut and almond popcorn a while back. This bag is chocolate flavour, and from the picture on the front I figured they'd found a way to get the chocolate flavouring inside the kernels themselves. However, upon opening, it's clear this is a sweet popcorn with a powdery chocolate coating.

It's pretty good, the stuff on top, a nice authentic chocolate flavour. But the very nature of it does make the experience a little dry. Still quite sweet, but even the kernels themselves could have done with a bit of a kick, a bit more sugar to add in that satisfying crunch, I think that would have accompanied the chocolate quite well. As it stands, this bag is a bit dry and powdery, I definitely prefer popcorn coated in a layer of chocolate, although that's clearly less healthy.

My rating: 3/5

Friday, 6 July 2018

Today's Review: Oreo Thins Coconut

Oreo Thins came out around the same time as all those other thin versions of biscuits, and while I initially didn't see the point, I conceded that they were pretty good. Now they come in a coconut variety, and I'm always up for a new Oreo flavour. Coconut is a big thing right now, and now it's blended right into the creme, and it works really well. The creaminess works fantastically with the coconut flavour, and paired with the thin but oh so chocolatey biscuit, these are a great little addition to the range. Just the right hint of coconut, probably one of my new favourites.

My rating: 5/5

Thursday, 5 July 2018

Today’s Review: Spilling An Entire Cup Of Coffee Down Yourself

I don’t often spill entire cups of coffee down my front, in fact I don’t think I ever did before yesterday, and I don’t even know how it happened. But there I was, standing and sipping a cup of coffee, and next thing I knew it was all over me. Coffee isn’t great when it’s down your front instead of in your mouth. It’s hot, wet and annoying, and I couldn’t change, so I ended up stinking like coffee all day. Not an experience I’d recommend.

My rating: 0/5

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Today's Review: Kettle Discoveries Buttermilk Chicken & Sriracha Mayo

I haven't seen a limited edition of regular Kettle Chips for a while now, but I guess they're shifting the focus to these Discoveries flavours. Fair enough, the ones that have come out so far have been pretty good, surprisingly even the salted caramel and cream. I spied this variety in Tesco today, and I'm a sucker for the spicy mayo, so I had to grab them. Buttermilk chicken is an interesting twist on the classic too.

As intriguing as the buttermilk sounded, I can't say I picked it up too much in the flavour. There's a definite chicken flavour, sort of on the same level as the chicken Walkers Sensations. Now, I'm not an avid fan of meaty crisps, but as chicken flavours go, this ain't bad. The real prize here is the mayo flavour, which adds a hint of creaminess, and a decent level of heat that builds up over time, blending nicely with the other flavours to give that impression of some chicken strips dipped in some lovely spicy mayo. Not a perfect representation of what they were going for, but a very decent attempt at an interesting flavour.

My rating: 4/5

Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Today's Review: Doritos Sweet Chilli Pepper

I picked up this bag of Doritos at Poundland, which I assumed would be very much like the Chilli Heatwave Doritos that I love so. However, the "sweet" element made me think there might be something different to it. Turns out, they're not all that different, though there is some nuance to these chips. I wouldn't say they're "sweet" chilli, there's a good level of heat in these that make them pretty on par with the Chilli Heatwave spice. The flavouring is different, but it's not particularly noticeable in the long run. I'm still in love with spicy Doritos, but you're not missing out if you can't track these down.

My rating: 5/5

Monday, 2 July 2018

Today's Review: McDonald's Fiery Buffalo Chicken Wrap

It's a new McDonald's wrap! That's a pretty poor picture up there, but what can I say, I went to the drive-thru. So while you may not be able to see there, this wrap contains chicken strips, lettuce, pepper jack cheese, onions and buffalo sauce. It's spicy, I'll give it that, a very decent hot sauce that made me pause a little. Definitely more than I was expecting from a McDonald's wrap, but with the level of heat there's also an absence of flavour. The rest of the ingredients make up for it, making it a decent enough effort overall, but the sauce just doesn't do it for me. I appreciate the heat, but with that famous buffalo name, I was expecting something tastier.

My rating: 3/5

Sunday, 1 July 2018

Today's Review: Brothers Rhubarb & Custard Cider

They seem to be putting rhubarb and custard in everything these days, and why not? It's delicious. This one seemed a bit odd, but not too out of place. We all like a fruity cider, right? Well, why not one that tastes like our favourite sweet?

A rhubarb cider would be completely acceptable, it's the custard element that seemed a little weird. But in fact, it's pretty well represented. There's a smooth. creamy undertone that gives this drink a certain air of custard, and I'll let you decide if that's a good thing. For me, while it was a bit odd, it was still pretty tasty when coupled with the rhubarb, and this still made for a refreshing drink. The rhubarb is perhaps too subdued, I was hoping for a bit more tartness, but instead it gives more of a hint of something cream soda-like due to the inclusion of the custard flavour. Still, it's a very decent effort at a unique cider. After all, it could have gone horribly wrong.

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 30 June 2018

Today's Review: Kopparberg Sparkling Rosé Raspberry Cider

Today on "Things We Never Knew We Wanted", it's an amalgamation of cider and rosé from the lovely folks at Kopparberg. Actually, it's just cider in a rosé bottle, but one that it seems Kopparberg hopes will strike a chord with those who want to share their cider without the frat boy image of the wonderful Kopparkeg. 

I'll tell you what, it's never taken me so long to get into a bottle of cider. It's all done up proper with the wire and cork, and it's pretty firmly set in there, it took a good amount of twisting to ease it out with the most unsatisfying pop: a bottle of prosecco this is not. As for the taste, I have to say I'm very underwhelmed. This stuff is fairly high in alcohol content compared to the regular ciders, so the fruitiness is sort of on the back burner. It's like a slightly flavoured alcoholic sparkling water. I mean, it's not undrinkable, it's somewhat enjoyable, but I'd much rather have their regular cider. This is just a whole lot of faff for not much reward.

My rating: 2/5

Friday, 29 June 2018

Today's Review: Jaffa Cakes Lemon & Lime

It's a new flavour of Jaffa Cakes! Well, actually, it's not. I'm sure these have been around before, and they definitely have in cake bar form, so I guess just this iteration of the flavour is new. Everyone loves a Jaffa cake, they've definitely perfected that orange jelly, but I must say the lemon and lime is a bit underwhelming. It's zesty, sure, gives something of a nice fruity kick, but it doesn't last nearly as long on the palate as that classic orange. I don't know if I got a dodgy box, but I found the cake itself to be quite dry, and that really detracted from the rest of the flavours. Thankfully the chocolate is still as good and makes up for it a little. Maybe I'll have to have another go to be sure, but this is a pretty mediocre treat. Also, since when did they start putting ten cakes in the box instead of 12? What is this world coming to?

My rating: 2/5

Thursday, 28 June 2018

Today's Review: Happy Shopper Candy Cones

Here's the other bag of sweets I picked up to go alongside my off brand Minstrels at the corner shop. Candy cones, which are pretty much foamy ice cream cones. Think foam bananas, but a bit softer and in a variety of flavours. It's hard to identify exactly what they were going for, but these do taste a bit like how I'd expect yellow, brown and pink to taste, so there you go. They have a decent consistency, perhaps a bit on the chalky side, but it'll do for a cheap bag of sweets. The flavours leave a little to be desired though, so it's a pretty average bag overall. Definitely a cheap treat you can chuck at the kids.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Today's Review: Taco Bell Doritos Crunch Burrito

It's happening, surely this is the first step to the Doritos taco shells that took the states by storm. Now at Taco Bell in the UK, you can grab a burrito that's loaded up with cheesy Doritos. I mean, I just popped in to use the toilet and I couldn't leave without one, so that shows the power of the very idea of it. Or that I'm very easily swayed. It's probably the latter.

So we have the Doritos in here, but we also have the beef (or chicken), rice, sour cream and nacho cheese sauce. Yes, twice the cheesiness, and it shows in the flavour. There's a creamy cheese taste and a crunchy cheese taste, and they work quite well together, a little overwhelming in places, but it still makes for a good burrito. The cool sour cream and spicy beef complement each other, so all in all it's a well rounded burrito. The Doritos are plentiful and definitely noticeable, so it's a pretty interesting twist on the regular burrito. Hopefully now we'll get those taco shells...

My rating: 4/5

Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Today’s Review: Leaving Your Phone Charger At Home

Phone batteries have come a long way, but so has the amount of energy needed to run the rest of the thing. It used to be you could leave your trusty Nokia a few days without topping up the juice, but now I’ll be lucky to get through one without my iPhone running flat. So leaving my charge at home is a big no no, especially if I’m going to be staying away for a night. I was faced with that plight this evening, rushing around the nearest shops in the vain hope of grabbing a charger, lest I be faced with the unimaginable, a dead phone. How would I function? Thankfully I found a very off brand multi use charger in a petrol station, and it hurt to spend money on it, but I have power, and that’s what counts. Having no phone charger is a terrible situation.

My rating: 0/5

Monday, 25 June 2018

Today’s Review: Going On A Diet And Then Immediately Going To The Cinema

I promised myself I’d eat healthily, count calories, make good choices. Then I went to the cinema. What can you eat at the cinema that’s healthy? I don’t see anyone breaking out carrot sticks and hummus over a movie, and besides, I’m pretty sure all healthy foods are unbearably crunchy, not compatible with the cinema. So I caved. I had sweets, and popcorn, and it was glorious. Who needs a diet when you have movies and sugar?

My rating: 2/5

Sunday, 24 June 2018

Today's Review: Happy Shopper Chocolate Pebbles

Yes, chocolate pebbles, the corner shop equivalent of Minstrels. I wasn't expecting much from these, but I figured I'd give them a try. Turns out they're not too shabby. There's a nice crispy shell, underneath which is some fairly decent chocolate. It's not exactly great, the texture is a little soft, but the flavour's there. It's definitely not Galaxy standard, but for an off-brand product it's a good effort. There's a decent amount in the bag too, and at 2 for £1 that adds up to a lot of not-quite-Minstrels. You're better off getting a bag of the good stuff when it's on offer, but if you're in a bind and need a fix these are worth a punt.

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 23 June 2018

Today’s Review: Eating An Entire Tub Of Ben & Jerry’s

I’m full, so full, but so satisfied. I can pretend like I’m going to leave some for another time, but more often then not I have polished off a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I have no regrets, it’s delicious. Don’t act like you haven’t done it too, and if you haven’t, do it. It’s amazing.

My rating: 5/5

Friday, 22 June 2018

Today's Review: Tiger Pink Lemonade

It's hard to get a decent cold drink for a reasonable price around town these days, but when I was parched the other day I popped into Tiger and picked up this lovely looking bottle of pink lemonade for a mere pound. There's not too much to say about this, it's just a decent, refreshing bottle of lemonade. Fruity, sour and lightly sparkling, it's a good lemonade, but the lime that's apparently also present isn't particularly noticeable. Still, a very nice, refreshing drink that did the trick on a hot day.

My rating: 4/5

Thursday, 21 June 2018

Today's Review: Smarties Unicorn Edition

Unicorn Smarties are finally here! Well, that's not what I said, but I'm sure someone did. Unicorns are one of the big crazes of the moment, and naturally everyone is trying to cash in. So here we have a bag of Smarties, in only blue and pink, because they're unicorn colours apparently. Nothing else is different, it's just a bag of Smarties with a different picture on the front, so it really is a shameless cash in.

I can't complain too much though. They're the same price as a regular sharing bag of Smarties, so it's really just a matter of which branding you prefer. My daughter loved them when I brought them home, so they can't be bad. I wish they could have been a little more creative, perhaps chucked a bit of a different flavour in there, but hey, Smarties are still delicious. These are just a bit uninspired.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

Today's Review: Mars Mud Pie

I've had my eye on this Mars dessert for a while, but I can rarely justify paying full price for a new dessert, unless it's a tub of Ben & Jerry's, of course. Here we have the Mars Mud Pie, which is currently in Tesco's 3 for £6 offer with various other frozen items. It consists of a chocolate base topped with a malted cream mousse, cheesecake style, drizzled with chocolate and caramel and topped with malty chocolate pieces.

The description informs me that the base is a sponge, but it's more a crumbly chocolate cheesecake base, and while a little dry, it's pretty good. That dryness is offset by the thick layer of mousse, which is light and creamy, and while lacking in the malt flavour, it works well in combination with the base. The toppings are all excellent, generous lashings of sauce that round off that Mars flavour experience, with the malt chocolate pieces really helping to bring it all together. Its starts out great on top and gets a little blander as you go down, but all in all it's a pretty decent attempt at an interesting Mars based dessert.

My rating: 4/5

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Today’s Review: Pens That Should Work But Don’t

The biro is a fantastic invention, a convenient ink pen that I don’t go a day without using. But one thing I will say is that sometimes they can just stop working for no apparent reason. There’s ink inside, the ball point is functional, but for some reason that ink isn’t coming out, even after doing the tactical scribble in the corner of the page. It’s infuriating, I’m being conned out of some of that precious ink I paid for. So think I’ve only ever seen one biro run out of ink, all the rest have succumbed to being lost or just refusing to work. Trying to write with a pen and it refusing to do its one is the worst.

My rating: 0/5

Monday, 18 June 2018

Today's Review: Bahlsen Choco Moments Crunchy Hazelnut

Bahlsen are going all fancy with their butter biscuits. I love me a Choco Leibniz, so adding in some hazelnut pieces sounded like a great plan to me. I had to wait until these were on offer to justify trying them, but I was happy to pick them up for £1.50 in Tesco the other day.

Basically, these are like Choco Leibniz, but with pieces of hazelnut embedded in the chocolate. It adds a great nutty flavour, and a satisfying crunch, and as a result of the pieces, the chocolate is really thick. More chocolate is great, although I must say it sort of overpowers the butter biscuit, throwing off that tasty balance of the original. Still, these are nice for a decadent treat. The fact that there are only six in a packet isn't great either, but I think the chocolate makes up for that. Definitely worth grabbing.

My rating: 4/5

Sunday, 17 June 2018

Today's Review: Skittles Orchards

I do love a new bag of Skittles, even though this one has been available in the form of an import for some time. Still, it's nice to be able to pick them up for a reasonable price, and the current £1 in Asda is certainly worth paying. These are some new flavours based on... orchard fruits apparently. Well, they're not all new flavours. You have lemon and orange, which were already there, so really we're looking at the cherry, apple and pomegranate.

The pomegranate is great, a dark fruity flavour that's very bold and pretty juicy. The cherry is good too, not exactly authentic, but with a nice sour kick. The apple is particularly sour, really fruity and tart, and perhaps my favourite in the pack. The orange is your standard Skittle fare, and while the lemon has a bit of tartness it's a little on the bland side. Still, this is a decent bag of Skittles, with some interesting new fruits thrown in. Well worth picking up while they're around.

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 16 June 2018

Today’s Review: Deleting Registry Files On Your Computer

Don’t do it man, unless you really know what you’re doing. Don’t follow the whims of some madman on an Internet forum. Now what was an attempt to solve a minor issue will lead to me restoring Windows. Annoying all around. Don’t tinker with your computer willy nilly.

My rating: 0/5

Friday, 15 June 2018

Today's Review: Mr. Kipling James' Peach Fancies

A few boxes of Mr. Kipling cakes have hit the shelves with a Roald Dahl theme. Each one comes with a lovely illustration and an interesting new twist on some already classic cakes. There are a variety of cake slices based on a few books, but I was particularly drawn to these peach fancies, based of course on the giant fruit in the book. They're pretty much like regular fancies, but the fondant has a peach flavour.

I love a fancy, it's hard not to eat a whole bunch in one sitting, and I definitely got through a couple after I opened the box. Truth is though, they're not fantastic. The cake is a nice soft sponge, the cream in the middle is decent, but not quite enough to offset the fact that the sponge is a little dry. The icing definitely has a peach flavour, and it's pretty authentic, it just fades fairly quickly, and after eating one I didn't get that nice peachy hint on subsequent cakes. Nice overall, but the peach doesn't quite hold up, even though it's really good to start off with. An interesting twist on the original, but they do fall a bit flat.

My rating: 3/5

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Today's Review: Maltesers Buttons

These have been on my radar for a while now, after seeing them in a couple of Facebook posts in recent months. Finally, they're here, Maltesers Buttons. Basically, they're Maltesers in button form, there's not much else to say about them. If you've had the Malteser chocolate bar, you know the drill. 

These are good, really good, I was expecting them to be, and they are. They're fairly sizeable buttons of chocolate, embedded generously with honeycomb pieces. They're creamy, crunchy, and undeniably a new way to get that Malteser experience. Easy to share, but I have to admit I'd find it difficult to. This is another great product in the Malteser range, grab them as soon as you can.

My rating: 5/5

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Today’s Review: KFC’s Corn Cobette

Everyone has their own favourite side at KFC. I’ve heard a lot of opinion skewed towards the gravy, but the coleslaw is good too. Once upon a time, my favourite was the corn cobette. I have no idea why, maybe I had no other corn cobs to compare it to. But going back and having one today made me realise the error of my ways.

The KFC corn cobette is a small, perfectly formed cylinder of corn. Uniform rows of golden sweet corn, but while they look great, the taste is something else entirely. A good corn on the cob should crunch, the KFC one squidges. It seems like they pump it full of water to get those corn pieces looking nice and juicy. The result is something that sort of tastes like a cob of corn, but is mostly just liquid. Besides, good luck even getting to the biting stage, I don’t know which storage units KFC uses, but every corn cobette I’ve received is hotter than the surface of the sun. After waiting an eon for it to cool down you’d at least expect it to taste great. But no, it’s just not nice. Stick with the gravy, friends.

My rating: 1/5

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Today’s Review: Travel Toiletry Bottles

I’ve recently started doing an overnight shift at work, which means once a week I need to pack up all the stuff I need to make me clean of a morning. Now, the thing about toiletries is that they tend to come in large bottles, which makes perfect sense in the home, but not much in a travel situation. Thankfully you can pick up tiny bottles from pretty much any pound shop and distill your favourite lotions and potions into them in small amounts. Simple, yet so effective. Of course, their primary use is to circumvent the arbitrary 100ml rule imposed by airports after 9/11, but in all honesty it’s just better to be able to carry a small amount of shower gel and shampoo for a one or two night stay. Tiny bottles are a fantastic invention.

My rating: 5/5

Monday, 11 June 2018

Today's Review: Yorkie Pro

Protein chocolate bars are becoming increasingly common, and Nestle have started churning out versions of their bars with added protein. This Yorkie is one of them, promising... whatever benefits you get from adding protein to a bar filled with sugar. It comes with crispy pieces, which sounds like the raisin and biscuit Yorkie without any of the fun. But hey, some crunch is better than none.

I'm not sure about the science behind adding protein to chocolate bars, but I can tell you, it adversely affects the flavour. There's something of the classic Yorkie taste in there, but all in all that bar seems dryer, almost chalky. The crispy pieces are alright, but the chocolate itself just ends up tasting like an uninspired health bar. Chocolatey, sure, but not in a good way. I think I'll get my protein fix from elsewhere, as long as I can still have a regular Yorkie. Yorkie? More like Chalkie. Har har.

My rating: 1/5

Sunday, 10 June 2018

Today's Review: Greggs Lemon Sherbet Doughnut

I popped into Greggs for the first time in a while, to get a hit of that sausage roll goodness. Of course, the doughnuts were there too, just begging me to eat them. They were all out of the limited edition of the moment, but I figured I'd go for this one. It's not just a generic lemon doughnut, it's a lemon sherbet one!

So basically it's a lemon doughnut with a little sour hit to it. I mean, it's a good idea, but in execution its' pretty underwhelming. The topping is nice, a nice lemon glaze with a certain tartness, but it doesn't last all that long. Underneath is just a dry ring of dough, it could have done with a bit of filling, but instead it only served to disappoint. A pretty mediocre doughnut, I wish I'd gone for something else.

My rating: 2/5

Saturday, 9 June 2018

Today's Review: Euro Shopper Cola

Have you ever wondered what a 25p can of corner shop cola tastes like? Well, it might surprise you to find out that it's not good. I didn't expect anything to be fair, I just picked it up in lieu of anything new or exciting to review, just so I could chuck in my two cents. So basically, this is a very cheap cola that taste like a very cheap cola. Sugary water with a miniscule amount of bad flavouring. It tastes a little bit like cola, sure, but it's mostly just slightly flavoured water with a load of sugar. Not even worth 25p. Save up your money for at least the cheap Barr stuff.

My rating: 1/5

Friday, 8 June 2018

Today's Review: Morrisons Mojito Crisps

Cocktail crisps are not a new thing, but I feel they should never have been a thing. Here we have Morrisons' attempt at a tipple flavoured crisp, with focus on the famous minty cocktail. These promise mint, rum and a twist of lime all in one potato chip.

I'm not overly impressed, but I don't know what I expected after Aldi's cosmo crisps and Tesco's fizzy prosecco offering. These ones are a little fizzy too, and while they do have an authentic mint flavour, it is dampened by the other elements. The rum isn't noticeable, but the citrus twist gives them something of a kick. So yeah, not exactly good, but not bad either. I just don't really know why these exist, I think cocktail flavoured crisps need to die.

My rating: 3/5

Thursday, 7 June 2018

Today's Review: Merba Blueberry Muffin Cookies

I love me a packet of Merba cookies, so if I see a flavour I haven't tried yet, it's going straight in my basket. Here we have blueberry muffin, consisting of a "muffin style soft cookie" with white chocolate chunks, cranberries, and of course the all important blueberries. 

Muffin style cookies is correct, these are satisfyingly soft, a chewy, almost cake-like experience embedded with quite a few tasty chunks. I'd say the white chocolate is the most noticeable, which provides a nice creamy, sweet hit on top of the biscuit itself. As for the blueberries, I can't say they're as prominent as I hoped. They're there, but they're not exactly juicy, and the presence of the cranberries sort of cancels them out. As white chocolate muffin cookies, these are pretty good. As blueberry muffin cookies, they're so-so.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

Today's Review: Co-Op Gourmet Burger Crinkle Cut Crisps

After the complete and utter travesty of the Doritos cheeseburger flavour losing out to the generic salsa, I was excited to see this bag in the Co-Op. Gourmet burger flavoured crisps, complete with beef and cheese flavouring, with a hint of pickle, tomato and chilli. It seemed like these crisps had it all, and I was really hoping they'd fill the void left by the cheeseburger Doritos.

These are pretty heavy on the pickle, that's the first thing I'd say. That and the cheese are the most predominant flavours, which isn't a bad combination, but the rest of the elements fall by the wayside. I'm pretty sure the meat should be a big feature here, and though I'm not really a fan of meaty crisps, I was expecting a lot more. The chilli is barely noticeable, any spice that's there is negated by the pickle. I mean, overall, these crisps aren't bad, it's just the balance of flavours is pretty off. I'm still pining for those Doritos.

My rating: 3/5

Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Today’s Review: The Grey Hairs In My Fringe

I’m getting old, that’s something I can’t deny, it’s something none of us can deny. But I’m not exactly withdrawing my pension, I’ve got a lot of years left in me. I just wish someone would tell that to my hair. I’ve found a few greys over the years, nothing that bothered me too much. But now a streak of them has appeared right in my fringe, right above where my face is, and people tend to look at my face when they talk to me. So everyone I have a conversation with can see my greyness, it’s a public statement of my mortality.

Okay, you may say it’s not so bad, but I can’t even pass off as a silver fox, I’m no George Clooney. The grey hairs are the messy icing on an undesirable cake. I’m not ready for Just For Men, I barely even feel like a man! I can only assume I’ll have completely white hair in a matter of months, so I’ll have to use my time wisely. Aging is the worst.

My rating: 1/5

Monday, 4 June 2018

Today's Review: Batchelor's Pasta 'n' Sauce Prosecco & Mushroom

There's one night a week where I am alone for dinner, and since I normally prepare for a family of five, I often resort to the quick and easy "meal" for one. So I thought I'd spice it up a bit this week and looked for something interesting in the noodle aisle. This packed caught my eye, a Pasta 'n' Sauce featuring prosecco, and mushrooms. Just five minutes boiling in a water/milk/butter potion and you're ready to enjoy some fine dining.

You know, I figured I'd use that phrase entirely sarcastically, as I figured anything that distils alcohol down into a powder would not be a particularly tasty dish. But considering what this is, it isn't too bad. I mean, it's not exactly a sophisticated meal, but it does taste like mushroom. I thought they'd go overboard, really hamming it up with the prosecco flavour, but it's pretty subtle, which is a good thing because, surprise surprise, it's not entirely authentic. Still, all in all, this is a pretty neat little flavour of pasta, easy to make and fairly enjoyable to eat.

My rating: 4/5

Sunday, 3 June 2018

Today's Review: Asda Retro Rippled Ice Cream Lollies

There have been a few of these popping up lately, in various stored with various names. But as catchy as "Retro Ripple Ice Cream Lollies" sounds, these all have one thing in common. They're basically a Vienetta on a stick. Now, there's something about Vienetta. It's no more than ice cream and chocolate, but there's no denying that it's a magic combination that is tastier than most combinations of the two ingredients. It seems the supermarkets are trying to cash in by shrinking it down and whacking it on a stick. 

It took me a while to get home from Asda, so sadly my ice cream didn't look quite as sophisticated as the one in the picture. Still, I could easily make out the layers of ice cream and chocolate, with the stuff on the bottom being sort of a thick chocolate tray. It has something of a satisfying snap to it. and paired with the creamy ice cream it actually does provide something of a Vienetta experience. It's not quite as good, obviously this ain't on Walls ice cream, and I think it could do with a bit more chocolate. But it's a decent attempt at something a little different. Move over Magnum, it's time for Vienetta on a stick.

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Today's Review: Walker's Yummy Banana Toffee

Banoffee seems all the rage at the moment, everyone seems to be coming out with a banana toffee variation of their snacks. But today I picked up banoffee in its simplest form, it's a bar of banana flavoured toffee. That's it, toffee with banana. Simple in design, but pretty tasty. The toffee itself is nice and chewy, a smooth, sweet offering that is definitely moreish. The banana is pretty prevalent throughout, another layer of sweetness that is somewhat authentic, but more in line with that artificial banana flavour than that of the fruit itself. Still, I think that overly sweet banana works with the toffee, neither flavour overwhelms the other, making for a nicely balanced bar. It's not false advertising on that packaging, this is yummy.

My rating: 4/5

Friday, 1 June 2018

Today's Review: Eating Cheese Before Bedtime

I ate a cheese sandwich not too long ago. Not for any reason in particular, I was hungry and there was cheese, so I ate it right up. They say eating cheese before bed gives you nightmares, and that's always something to consider. But you should also consider that cheese is delicious, so I think the pros outweigh the cons here. Besides, nightmares are just like a little free scary movie, it's a free show. I mean, they might be completely terrifying, but I still think it's worth it just for that little taste of cheese. Cheese is good, no matter what time of day.

My rating: 4/5

Thursday, 31 May 2018

Today's Review: Finding A Note On The Ground

We all know that feeling when we find some money on the floor. It's a rush of excitement, with a little bit of naughtiness, knowing that someone has dropped a coin and you are now the rightful owner, according to the legal framework of Finder Keepers. One of the silver coins is decent, a pound is better, obviously, and hey, even a penny has the added element of a days worth of luck. But there is a point where finding money takes a turn for the worse.

It's a rare occurrence, but I have found a couple of notes on the ground in my lifetime. That once euphoric feeling turns to one of apprehension. Who drops a note? I get coins falling out of pockets, they're small, a note takes a certain kind of clumsiness. The issue lies in the value. If I lost a pound, I could get over it, but a fiver or more would leave me annoyed for a long time. So finding a note on the ground gives me that feeling of dread, because I am afflicted with empathy. Of course, if it's just a note, there's no way to identify whose it is, and asking a variety of passers by if they dropped a tenner is just a recipe for disaster. But even if I kept the money, it's like an ancient cursed idol, burning a hole in my pocket with its judgemental eyes. There's no easy way to pick up an abandoned note, it may give that rush of excitement, but it also provides a burden on my soul.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

Today's Review: KaDunks

Here's another little interesting sweet I picked up from the pocket money section at the shop. I did take a picture of mine, but apparently it doesn't want to work, so you can enjoy this generic photo I found instead. Here we have KaDunks, which are basically like Dairylea Dunkers, but made out of sweets. The pack I got consisted of strawberry flavour gummy shapes, and a blue raspberry dip to dunk them in. Sound gross? Well, they are. I mean, the blue raspberry has a nice sour tinge to it, but it's pretty sickly and sugary. As for the gummies, they're pretty hard and flavourless, and really don't add anything to the experience. These basically seem like a way to deliver sour goo into our mouths, I get they're trying to make it enjoyable, but this isn't a tasty treat.

My rating: 1/5

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

Today's Review: Winning A Prize From A 2p Machine

In true bank holiday fashion, I headed to the seaside this weekend, and spent an inordinate amount of time shoving grubby 2ps into a machine that rewarded me with yet more grubby 2ps. Those machines are addictive, a child's gateway to gambling. Low risk, low reward, but watching those coins pile up before cascading over the edge is such a thrill.

It's made even better with the prizes they place on top. Closer and closer to the edge they inch, teasing you all the way. "Just another pound," you think, "that'll be enough to claim my prize". Then eventually, it falls. Or you have to call an attendant because it gets stuck at the front of the machine. Either way, there's not a thrill like it. Sure, you pumped in a good few quid to be rewarded with some toot that would probably set you back 50p, but it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. I love getting prizes.

My rating: 5/5

Monday, 28 May 2018

Today's Review: Bobby's Skull Suckers

While "Bobby's Skull Suckers" sounds like the name of a macabre travelling circus, or a zombie survival experience, it is in fact the name of a lollipop I found nestled among those pocket money sweets in the Co-Op. It consists of a skull shaped lollipop, nestled on top of a concertina receptacle, which contains a blue raspberry flavoured sour liquid. So basically, sugar on top of a reservoir of sour sugar.

So basically, you press up the concertina tube at the bottom, which forces the sour goo up into the lollipop and out through its eyes. Eww, gross, right? Well, it's entertaining enough. One for those kids who like their confectionery grotesque. As for the taste, it's so so. The goop at the bottom has a little bit of a kick to it, but not all that much, though it does have a nice little blue raspberry flavour in it. It gets sickly pretty quickly, but luckily there's not really much there. While that may be good for not overwhelming you with sour syrup, it doesn't fare well for the relatively dry lollipop on top. It's like an off brand Double Lolly with a slight blue raspberry tinge, but it soon gives way to a featureless, dry, slightly powdery lollipop. A pretty gross offering, both in aesthetics and flavour, but I suppose it's not all bad.

My rating: 2/5

Sunday, 27 May 2018

Today's Review: Having Barely Enough Signal To Make A Post

I'm away on an impromptu bank holiday trip, which is lovely, but the sudden lack of wifi has thrown all planning I have around my reviews out of whack. Ah, who am I kidding, I never plan ahead. What I'm facing now, however, is a lack of wifi and a fairly poor 3G signal, so just getting to this stage of writing the thing is a miracle. It also means I can no longer rely on high speed mobile internet to answer my questions, or to check Facebook at regular intervals. So, I guess it's a blessing in disguise. I can drop the phone and concentrate on life for a change. At least I know with some persistence I can still get online if I need to. Have a good bank holiday, guys.

My rating: 3/5

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Today's Review: Stepping On Something Wet With No Shoes On

I've experienced many sensations over the years, varying levels of pain and discomfort, but nothing fills me with abject horror quite like stepping on something wet with no shoes on. Especially in the dark. it could be anything from a puddle to a stray turd (pet or child, you know what I mean), it is my utmost belief that nothing good in this world is naturally wet, at least not when it's squished between your toes. Given my feelings during that split second between stepping in it to identifying it, everything I've stepped in may as well be turds. One of the worst sensations know toan, and the primary reason I always give my feet some protection from the outside world.

My rating: 0/5

Friday, 25 May 2018

Today's Review: Wilko Sour Mallow Clouds

Here's a quick little review of these Sour Mallow Clouds I picked up at Wilko a few days back, I can't say I've tried too many sour marshmallows, so this bag really appealed to me. They come in a variety of colours, but it doesn't affect the flavour, so let's just say they're interesting shaped marshmallows with a sour coating. Despite my initial misgivings, I must say they're not too bad. The marshmallows themselves aren't the best quality, but they possess some of that nice fluffiness. The sour element is pulled off well, an initial hit from the coating, but the tang continues through the marshmallow itself, making these some nice chewy, tart mallows. A unique little bag among the other generic confectionery offerings, track them down.

My rating: 4/5

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Today's Review: Müller Bliss Corner Salted Caramel Cheesecake

First we had the Müller Corners, then Bliss came around, and now we have the result of the unholy union of the two, the Bliss Corner. It's the whipped Greek style yogurt, the flavoured underlayer, but with a little something extra to mix in too. So here we have their take on the salted caramel cheesecake, and I have to say they've done a pretty good job. The yogurt does very well at emulating that creamy cheese, while the biscuit crumble adds that nice buttery crunch, to round off that cheesecake experience. As for the salted caramel, it's a nice addition, but it's a little on the weak side. Smooth and sweet, yes, but kind of light on the salt, and the ratio of salted caramel to yogurt means it never really comes to the forefront of the flavour. Still, all mixed together it makes for a lovely little dessert. I hope they come out with some more varieties.

My rating: 4/5

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

Today's Review: Poundland Chocolate Misfits

There seems to be a bit of a wonky food revolution happening at the moment, but let us not forget that broken biscuit bags have been around for a while. I thought I'd grabbed a right bargain when I picked up this bag of Chocolate Misfits, just look at that picture there, Twix, Bounty, and what looks like Snickers! I don't mind having broken up chocolate bar, especially for a mere pound.

Of course, they're not Twix, Bounty and Snickers, they're off brand bars with various fillings. The ingredients on the back tout a whole load of interesting bars, from chocolate hazelnut to truffle to chocolate nougat. Instead what I got was small coconut filled bars, a poor imitation of a Snickers and some kind of Kit Kat like creation but with dark chocolate. I mean, they're not awful chocolate bars, clearly not as good as the big name stuff, but they're pretty much supermarket brand level. But for a bag that promised me a mish mash of biscuits, only getting three was a bit of a kick in the teeth. I guess life is like a bag of Chocolate Misfits, you never know what you're gonna get. Also it's slightly broken and disappointing.

My rating: 2/5

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

Today's Review: Burning Your Tongue

We've all been there. Perhaps our hot drink hadn't cooled down enough, maybe that thing we put in the microwave was still as hot as the surface of the sun. Whichever way you did it, I'm sure you've burned your tongue at some point in your life, and there's no quicker way for my day to go from good to bad than burning my tongue.

The tongue is a muscle, an unprotected muscle living in what amounts to a wet cave with lots of pointy rocks in it. There's no refuge for a burnt tongue, it'll constantly be knocking into teeth and jaw, your tongue doesn't even sit comfortably in your mouth anyway. Besides, even with a burnt tongue you still need to eat to survive, so no matter what you do you have to experience that pain over and over, until the burn finally heals and everything goes back to normal. Until the next time...

My rating: 0/5

Monday, 21 May 2018

Today's Review: E. Wedel Krowka Fudge

The world food section of my local Tesco isn't particularly stacked with exciting products, but I find something new from time to time. The other day I spied this happy looking cow, adorning a bag of Polish fudge. I like fudge anyway, let alone a new fudge experience, so I had to snatch this up.

Turns out this is a milky, creamy fudge, slightly different from your regular stuff. There's an outer shell that's particularly fudge-like, but it gives way to a smooth, creamy interior that very milky and satisfyingly gooey. Very indulgent, but easy to put a few away. It's a lovely sweet, rich flavour that I just couldn't get enough of, I had to stop myself before I ate the whole bag. This is an interesting little bag of fudge that's well worth checking out, I know I'll grab more next time I see them.

My rating: 5/5

Sunday, 20 May 2018

Today's Review: Halo Top Cinnamon Roll

I just had to give some more of this Halo Top a try. After all, it's the only way I can eat an entire tub of ice cream and not feel guilty. Well, not too guilty anyway. Most of the flavours I wasn't overly fussed about, especially vanilla, but this one definitely caught my eye. Cinnamon rolls, in low calorie ice cream form! I have lamented the loss of the cinnamon buns Ben & Jerry's for a while, so I was hoping this would fill the void.

Well, there are no chunks in this tub, I'll get that out of the way first. I mean, I didn't expect any, but a few chunks of something would have really kicked it up a notch. As it is though, this is a nice creamy ice cream, with a sweet and slightly spicy kick of cinnamon. It leans a little too much on the cinnamon side, but the ice cream itself does a good job of emulating that cinnamon roll icing, and it all pulls together really well in the end. A warming tub of ice cream, if that makes sense. One for the cinnamon lovers.

My rating: 4/5

Saturday, 19 May 2018

Today's Review: McDonald's Chicago Stack

There's a new burger adorning the Great Tastes Of America menu, and it's a doozy. Here we have two beef patties, bacon, both American and emmental cheese, BBQ sauce, mayo and pickles, all wrapped up in a cornbread style bun. So yeah, there sure is a lot going on in this burger, but how does it... stack up? Har har.

There are a lot of elements to tackle here, and they're all pretty good. The double patty is a nice touch, the only thing better than one burger is two burgers. The bacon is plentiful and thick, adding another nice meaty layer, while the pickles provide a little hint of saltiness to round it off. Double the cheese means more gooey creaminess, and the two sauces are spread on nicely, meaning this definitely isn't a dry burger. But while all the ingredients are great on their own, there's just a bit too much going on when they're all put together. The sauces are a bit of an odd combination, and the American and emmental cheese seem to blend into one. It's not a big problem, everything together still makes for a fine burger, and the cornbread bun is a pretty unique and tasty addition. Definitely a better Great Tastes burger than some, so grab it while it's around.

My rating: 4/5

Friday, 18 May 2018

Today's Review: Sherlock Gnomes

It's finally here, the sequel that no one asked for. Yes, it's time for Sherlock Gnomes, the follow up to the truly forgettable Gnomeo & Juliet that released seven years ago. Not content with making one gnome-pun titles movie, they had to go and make another, despite the fact that the brand recognition is pretty non-existent. Here we see the return of the titular gnomes from the first movie, as they team up with Sherlock Gnomes and... Gnome Watson (great job guys) to track down their missing friends.

You may have guessed from that opening paragraph that this is not exactly a good movie. I only went to see it in the first place because the kids wanted to go to the cinema and there was literally nothing else on in their age range. What I was presented with was a bland story, filled with bland characters and lazy writing. There's just nothing there. I didn't laugh once, which isn't a surprise, but I didn't see anything that the kids could have found funny, and I didn't hear a peep out of them. There's some good animation in there, but that's pretty much the only saving grace. I don't know how they got so many high profile actors involved in this, it's just devoid of fun and personality. I think it's safe to say I did not enjoy this movie.

My rating: 1/5

Thursday, 17 May 2018

Today's Review: Starbucks Cold Brew Latte

It's been... slightly warm this week, so I pounced on the opportunity to try out a cold brew latte from Starbucks. It's like a latte, but it's cold! I don't think I'd actually tried an iced coffee before this one, I missed out on the ones at Dunkin' Donuts before it closed down. Woe is me. Anyway, despite my lack of iced coffee experience, I have to say I'm not a great fan. All the elements of the latte are here, but I think something's lost with the lack of steamed milk. Not a bad little beverage for a hot day, a nice chilled milky drink with a coffee kick, but I think I'd rather go for a frappe. Hot lattes all the way.

My rating: 3/5

Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Today's Review: Morrisons Jalapeno & Cheddar Cheese Tortilla Rolls

Wow, it's been a while since I've reviewed some food, but lately I haven't picked up any new stuff, and I've been too busy to look. But I did manage to snag a few of these tortilla rolls from a friend of mine, so I can now impart my opinion on these fancy looking spicy, cheesy crisps.

These are from that Morrisons finest brand, so they promise to be "the best" jalapeno and cheddar cheese tortilla rolls. Turns out they are, but I haven't tried any other jalapeno and cheddar cheese tortilla rolls to compare. Still, these are decent, they could do with a little more coverage of flavour, but what's there is a good balance of cheese and spice, providing a mellow heat that's very pleasant and works well with the tortilla chip texture. After some chewing they get a little bland, making me wish for more of the flavouring, but these would be perfect in a dip of your choice. A nicely spicy tortilla chip snack, well worth picking up.

My rating: 4/5

Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Today's Review: Stubbing Your Little Toe

I don't need to explain about this. We all know what stubbing our little toe is like. We've all been minding our own business and suddenly found our little toe has decide to hang out independently from the rest of the foot. Forget about the age old debate between which is more painful: childbirth or a kick in the nuts, I'm pretty sure stubbing your toe is the most painful thing. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's still awful.

My rating: 0/5

Monday, 14 May 2018

Today's Review: The Junk Emails I Get About Log Cabins

I have a separate email account for this blog, one through which I receive the odd offer of samples, and on the rare occasion some fan mail (very rare). Not much other activity is present on this email account, save for the periodic message I get from a company that specialises in log cabins. It's not a constant influx, I'd say I get one every two weeks, but each one is imploring me to buy their log cabins, with the latest touting me as a potential dealer in log cabins, being the middle man between manufacturer and end user.

I haven't signed up for log cabin related emails, but someone must have. Apparently having a blog where I review more food than I should probably be eating translates to me being a potentially great log cabin salesman. I mean, they could be right, I might be fantastic at building and selling log cabins, I don't know, I've never tried. But it's a bit of a stretch of the imagination.

Still, it's probably just some spam resulting from my email address being found and sold, that's the way the internet works. But hey, log cabins are a lot better than niche dating websites and performance enhancement pills. So the log cabins are still allowed in my inbox, and I chuckle to myself as I delete them. It's wholesome spam.

My rating: 3/5

Sunday, 13 May 2018

Today's Review: Finding A Snack You've Forgotten About

As you may have guessed, I've been through a lot of snacks in my time. I do my best to keep stocked up on the latest and newest edibles, but there are time when there's a lull in my purchases, and my supplies run out. Then, of course, I'm left with the "healthy" snacks that I really don't dig into unless it's the last resort. I'm talking granola bars, cereal bars, crisps that aren't particularly great (I'm looking at you, smoky bacon).

But every once in a while the unthinkable will happen. I'll be combing through the reject snack pile, push something aside, and lo and behold, find something long since forgotten about. It could be that last chocolate bar from that multi-pack I'm sure I'd finished, a quirky but small sweet item that got lost in the snack box, these moments are precious and we should hold onto them. There's nothing quite like combing through mediocre snacks and suddenly finding an amazing one. I'm thinking of hiding more stuff just so I can experience it more often. Surprise snacks are the best.

My rating: 5/5

Saturday, 12 May 2018

Today's Review: The Indoor Cactus Trend

My partner is pretty savvy with interior design, she tends to redecorate in colour schemes that become immensely popular after the fact, and just before there were stags adorning every home furnishing in the shops, we had kitted out our place with all the stags we could get our hands on. But stags are on their way out, and apparently cacti are on their way in. So now, in my living room, you can find a couple of plants indigenous to barren, desert regions.

Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with a cactus, their presence in my home doesn't affect me all that much, and they require far less watering than a regular plant. Aesthetically, I guess they're quirky, a bit of a conversation starter, but they don't do much for me as a feature. What isn't great is that cacti are naturally spiky. I know that sounds like a nitpick, and I guess it is, the spikes shouldn't bother me unless I specifically set out to touch them. But the fact remains that however minimal the risk of impaling myself on a cactus in a freak fall, it's still more than the 0% chance I had before a cactus arrived in my living room. Hopefully the next trend will be something soft and cuddly.

My rating: 1/5

Friday, 11 May 2018

Today's Review: Vimto Millions

And they said Avengers: Infinity War was the most ambitious crossover event in history. Yes, now you can enjoy Vimto in the form of Millions, two awesome sweet brands joining together to create... blackcurrant flavour Millions. Yes, I know blackcurrant Millions are already a thing, but this one has that classic Vimto taste, with a hint of grape and raspberry to boot. Not that those subtle tones are overly noticeable in sweet form, but this is still a decent attempt. These Millions are as chewy and juicy as always, and while they predominantly taste like blackcurrant, they're somewhat unique, and worth tracking down.

My rating: 4/5

Thursday, 10 May 2018

Today's Review: Flipz Milk Chocolate

Apparently I've never reviewed Flipz before, but it seems like now is as good a time as ever, as they've finally been released in the UK. I mean, they were pretty ubiquitous before, but at those crazy import prices, while this bag cost £1 in Asda. So if you haven't encountered Flipz before, basically they're chocolate covered pretzels, like that short-lives bag that Cadbury brought out a few years back.

These are the first chocolate pretzels I fell in love with, and the transition to the UK market seems to have gone pretty smoothly. I assume they've made some alterations to comply with our snacking guidelines, so while these have a pretty decent, creamy chocolate coating, I remember the US version being a little more decadent. I didn't have an American pack to do a side by side comparison, so I could be talking rubbish. Still. underneath there's a nice salty pretzel with a decent crunch, and while the coating isn't quite as chocolatey as I'd hoped, it provides a nice coverage that adds a lot of sweetness to the snack. Well worth picking up for £1, now we can all enjoy Flipz for a reasonable price.

My rating: 4/5