Today's Review: McVitie's Double Chocolate Digestives

I can't find a picture of these anywhere on the internet, and I forgot to take my own before I gorged on them, but indeed there are new double chocolate digestives. Digestives are good. Digestives coated in chocolate are even better, so surely double chocolate will be doubly better than the original good? Well, I'm about to tell you.

These are chocolate flavoured digestives, with chocolate chips, coated in chocolate, so really, by established chocolate quantity rules, they could be touted as triple chocolate digestives. They certainly are chocolatey though. They're quite a bit thicker than your average digestive, presumably to get all those chocolate chips in there. So yes, they're better than your average digestive, and even better than your average chocolate digestive. These biscuits are chunky, chocolatey and satisfying, so I suggest you buy some.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Red Bull Red, Silver And Blue Editions

With all these Monsters, Relentlesses, and various other energy drinks that I've imbibed, it's easy to forget the energy drink that started it all for me, Red Bull. It was the only real energy drink I could find for a while, and it will always have a place in my heart, even though the tiny cans for expensive prices put me off nowadays.

But now Red Bull have decided to join the flavour game, coming out with these three special editions that promise the flavour of various fruits, with the effect of Red Bull. We have red for cranberry, blue for blueberry, and silver for lime, because limes are silver and everyone knows that.

I must say I wasn't expecting too much, but the flavours are actually very nice. They mask the pure energy drink taste very nicely, and actually taste like the fruits they're supposed to. While blueberry was definitely my favourite flavour, I think the cranberry more accurately matches the taste of the fruit (or fruit juice) itself. But really, they all taste good, and I've certainly woken up a little from drinking them, so I guess the Red Bull effect is preserved despite them tasting all fruity. So give them a try, though I wouldn't recommend drinking all three flavours in the space of a few hours. I'm not sure when I'll sleep.

My rating: 5/5

Today's Review: Yorkie Man Size Buttons

I've always wondered what Yorkie were thinking of their ad campaign that appeals only to men and straight up banishes women. I mean, men don't eat chocolate, they just eat meat. Still, that hasn't stopped them bringing out this big pack of Man Size Buttons. You see, they're like normal chocolate buttons, but man size. No the size of an actual man, but just obnoxiously big, like big obnoxious men.

Yes, they are very big, way bigger than those big buttons Cadbury have churned out. But those are Cadbury chocolate, so they win by default. I may love a Yorkie bar, especially the raisin and biscuit variety, but in button form the chocolate just tastes cheap. So while the buttons are satisfyingly large, they just taste okay. As a man I expected more, but I guess I'll just go back to my meat.

My rating: 2/5

Today's Review: As Seen On TV Stickers

You know how many times I've bought something that I've "seen on TV"? Well, lots of times probably, there are adverts everywhere. But what I don't like is certain products reminding me of the fact that I saw them on TV. For one thing, what if I didn't see this thing on TV? I'm sure it was shown on TV at several times, on several stations, but I hardly watch TV, so I probably didn't see them. So when a product tries to explain itself to me this way, I normally say "So what, you're on TV, you think you're a big deal?", and then I don't get a response because I'm talking to an inanimate object.

But say I did see this product on TV. I don't need the thing to have a big sticker reminding me of the fact. I know what I've watched, I can make informed decisions about my purchases, and I don't need a sticker to help me find my way. I may be coming off as snobby, perhaps these stickers are helpful for people. But I just don't get how they work, or why they're necessary. So you've been on TV, does that mean I should just buy you? Does it?

Still no response. I should stop talking to my Slap Chop.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: The Sessions

Mark O'Brien (John Hawkes) sends most of his life in an iron lung, after a bout of polio at age six left him paralyzed below the neck and gave him breathing difficulties. After confessing his love for one of his carers doesn't work out too well, Mark, with the support of his priest (William H. Macy) finds Cheryl (Helen Hunt), a sex surrogate who teaches Mark to explore his sexual feelings and abilities in several "hands on" therapeutic sessions.

I had no idea there was even such thing as a sex surrogate, but this is all real life stuff, based on an article written by O'Brien detailing the experience. As such, there is a lot of sex involved in this movie, but there's a lot more to it than that. It's a very intimate look at the life of a man who cannot control his own body, but whose mind is extremely active. John Hawkes does a fantastic job, giving us a wonderful character who provides us with as many warm, funny moments as sad and thoughtful ones. With a great supporting cast too, this is a movie of great performances that feels very cosy and well put together.

The only trouble I really had was with how abruptly it ended. The movie got into the sessions quite quickly, built up the relationships involved, and then just seemed to grind to a halt. Sure, there was a nice ending to everything, but I was longing to find more out about these characters and what happened after. Still, it is called The Sessions, and based on an article about just the sessions, and the main bulk of the movie is a heartwarming, sometimes emotional, experience. I had no idea what this movie was when I went into it, but I certainly enjoyed it.

My rating: 4/5

Today's Review: Sticky Entry Wristbands

Of all the entry themed items you can get, these are the worst, and I really dislike lanyards.

I wore one of these today, and while it wasn't so bad while wearing it, putting these things on is a hazard to hairy armed men like me. If you put one millimetre of the sticky part out of place, hairs will stick and be tugged immediately, forcing you to rip them out to continue your day in comfort. If that's not bad enough, when I get home I normally find out I wrapped it a little too tight, so getting the scissors in to cut it off ends up being a near death experience.

I understand why people use them, they're a cheap, effective way to ensure payment has been made and entry granted. But seriously, I'd take a lanyard any day.

My rating: 1/5

Today's Review: The BCG Vaccine

Vaccinations are good things. A few jabs to set you up for life against awful diseases? Sign me up. Though for a few of them I probably wasn't yet self aware, so I guess I'm glad someone else signed me up. But there's one in particular that's left an impression on me, like, physically. Yes, the BCG, or Bacillus Calmette-Guérin (thanks Wikipedia).

Yes, I know, it's great to be safe from tuberculosis, but that BCG jab has scarred mine and many others' arms forever. Most people will see some form of scar tissue and ask how it happened, but this weird scar on the top of everyone's arm has the same story. "Yeah, I went to school one day, and they stuck me with a needle, then my arm scabbed over for a few weeks and now I have an unsightly mark to remind me of that special day."

So yeah, thanks for the no TB, but I wish they'd find a better way of administering it. According to Wikipedia they can also jab you in the buttocks, but that would probably be a bit weird in school.

My rating: 2/5