Today's Review: Cheesecake

If someone says that they don't like cheesecake then they either haven't tried cheesecake or they're flat out lying. Cheesecake is the best thing to happen to humanity since existence itself. It is delicious, it is creamy, and I hold firm the belief that if you eat enough of it you will actually lose weight. Because it's a nice thing to think.

Everyone knows cheese goes well with everything, but we only seem to test this theory in a limited way. Cheese with meats, bread, salads, no one really goes that extra mile. But one day, someone was eating some cake and thought "You know what would be really good in this cake? Cheese." He is a hero. The reaction to cheesecake from most people is something like "Eurgh, it's got cheese in it?" The name probably isn't doing massively well for it, maybe if it were called "super delicious cake" there'd be more love. But this point of view irritates me. if I scarfed down some unidentified food stuff that was both delicious and with a texture that didn't make me want to blow chunks,  and then someone told me it was elephant's testicles or something, I'd go straight to the zoo and tell those animals to keep up the good work with whatever they're doing with their genitals. Yes, cheesecake contains cheese. But it's sooooo good.

Cheesecake has the perfect trifecta of dessert qualities. It's fruity, it's creamy, it's crunchy(ish). I used to just be a fiend for the biscuit base, but now I have grown to appreciate the taste of all three layers swirling around my willing mouth. When I eat cheesecake nothing is a problem. I could be minutes away from death, but if someone shoved a cheesecake under my nose I would die happy. But which topping would I have?

There are so many fruits, there's chocolate, all of them make me want to grow extra mouths so I can eat all of them at once. I've always been tempted to make my own cheesecake with some kind of magic topping combination, but once I think about the amount of ingredients and effort involved I realise that in the time it take to make one I could've gone and bought several times the amount of cheesecake, gotten home, eaten it all and fallen into a diabetic coma. So I salute you, cheesecake creators. You must be some of those people who have never tried cheesecake, or else the production lines would be empty and your exploded carcasses will have splattered the walls with mascarpone and compote. Or maybe you're just robots. That would be cooler.

My rating: 5/5