Monday 15 August 2011

Today's Review: Redneck Jesus

Whilst paying an impromptu visit to my favourite atheism blog (yes, I have one of those), I came across a post concerning the self-proclaimed Redneck Jesus. Well, I say self-proclaimed, in fact God proclaimed him to be Redneck Jesus. So yeah, self-proclaimed.

Here is the website. While it is a bit of a mess, I'm surprised he's got the technical capacity to place a video on the front page. In the video he explains all of the different ways he can change your life, and believe him, he can. You can meet up with him, you can ask him questions, or you can read his books. Of course, all of these things cost money, especially the "interesting pricing" on his latest book. Redneck Jesus tells us to explore the website to find out the reasoning behind pricing his book at 74 freakin' dollars. You see, G and D are the seventh and fourth letters in the alphabet, ergo he needs to charge that number because that almost spells God. I get it now, it's so simple! The reasoning behind the pricing is fuck you, he wants money.

It doesn't stop there, you can book events with this guy. The most eye catching is the Limo Meal outing you can buy. For the small price of $1,000 you and some friends and family can crawl into the hummer limo Redneck Jesus inexplicably has, and you can go and eat a meal with him. Oh, you've gotta pay for the food too, Jesus doesn't pay for his food. As if I wasn't sold already, there are several benefits listed that you will gain from this event. One of them is having a great time, so I guess that's guaranteed. Also, you can take pictures and videos with the one and only Redneck Jesus, in his signature hick gear. The best though, is the "lifetime memory" you will take away with you, of the time you spent over $1,000 to get in a massive car to go and eat with a crazy person, something which could've been easily accomplished by taking a couple of bagels to the slums.

There's really too much to talk about on this website. Let's just say Redneck Jesus is pretty sure of himself. He WILL boost your sales by being your spokesperson, and you WILL be blessed for giving him your money. Because he talks to spirits, and the spirits can apparently sign his book for you too, with their ghost hands or something.

But hey, it's not all bad. All the money he makes is going to God, Inc. Because God needs Earthly money in order to make the change we all need, it's not like he's all powerful or anything. He needs the dolla, apart from all those corporate jet trips and hummer limos he's paying for. But hey, that's what Jesus needs to spread the word nowadays.

I would say it's not worth paying too much attention to him, but I'm sure there are people out there who will actually fall for it, and that makes me sad. They'll be joining his mob and doing some crazy but fun things in Little Rock, Arkansas. They'll be paying to take this guy to play golf or watch football games in a corporate jet, and they'll be contributing to the shit eating grin you can see form on his face at the end of the intro video. His name is Redneck Jesus, and here's here to screw you over.

My rating: 0/5

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