Monday 22 April 2013

Today's Review: Baby Poo

Pop quiz, all you non-parents, what's the worst thing about having a baby? Some of you may have answered "sleepless nights", which seems to be the main thing people mention when asking about my newborn. But for those of you who have been exposed to enough comedy movies, the answer may well have been poop. You see, babies don't do much. They sleep, they cry, they eat, and they poop, and they poop a lot. Hollywood has seen this as a perfect excuse to fill all their "incompetent first time parent" movies with scenes of dishevelled actors almost collapsing when catching a whiff of the excretions of their spawn, as if they have been exposed to toxic gas. But the truth is, baby poo is not that bad.

I'm certainly not saying that poo is nice. Cleaning up poop is certainly one of the worst parts of being a parent. But the infantile form of poo is really not enough to cause gagging and light headedness. You see, babies only drink milk, so all that comes out of them is consistently milk-based. Of course, you have the first poops, which are black and tar like in consistency, but they barely smell at all. But once the milk gets flowing you may get all kinds of wonderful colours, ranging from the green and pippy to the orange and watery, but none of them are particularly threatening to your nose, and actually smell quite sweet. Also, while babies may poo a lot, they don't really squeeze out all that much, because their bodies are tiny. So really it's all very easy to clean up.

So new parents, relax. Baby poo is disgusting, but probably the least of your concerns right now. The real problem occurs when your child starts eating proper food, because then the faeces becomes all the more real, and varied in shape, size, colour and odour. None of which are pleasant. Enjoy the poop while they're young. It's going to get a lot worse.

My rating: 2/5

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