Monday 7 November 2011

Today's Review: This Article I Read In "Love It!"

 There are various forms of these "real life" magazines dotted around my place, you know, the ones with harrowing stories of diseases, accidents and cheating husbands. I farkin' love them to be honest, we all like a bit of drama, and I can't be alone because there are massive amounts of these magazines in publication. It's nice when they try to make women feel more powerful and independent and confident with their own im.... oh wait.

I think the best thing about this article is the header of "Britain's Got Body Issues". Most magazines would decry this as being the state of our nation induced by size zero models and pressure to starve ourselves skinny. But not this magazine, oh no. Their solution is to say "Hell, you're probably not getting any thinner, but don't worry! You can have plastic surgery! Can't afford it? Well, that's why we're letting you win reconstructive surgery as a competition prize!"

So yes, one lucky winner each week last month received a grand prize of being cut open and physically altered. The rest of the people who enter? They'll probably just see the great results the winner had in a follow up article and then wish they could afford it. But they're in luck, because 200 runners up get 20% off their future plastic surgery, so it's only slightly less unobtainable for all those who "Love It!" deems to be so unsuccessful at losing weight that this is the only solution to being a fatty.

What a great competition. This will likely instill confidence in all the ladies. But wait, perhaps you don't have a bulging belly, perhaps you just have an ugly face with a massive snout. Have no fear, because next week you could have a chance to win a nose job! Watch in amazement as one lucky winner has part of their face broken and rearranged, while the rest of the contestants get to sit at home and watch tears roll off the end of their enormous trunk and into their tea. Thanks "Love It!", you're a hero.

My rating: 0/5

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