Today's Review: Cadbury Crispello

Holy crap, apparently Cadbury haven't launched a new bar since the 90s. Not that we'd notice, given the vast number of variants on old classics and revitalised bars that had no reason to be killed off in the first place. I'm still feeling sore after all those years without a Wispa. But now we have Crispello, Cadbury's new bar that is apparently for women. Well screw you Cadbury, because I went ahead and ate one.

Yes, apparently there's been a slump in the chocolate market, and it's been blamed on women buying less chocolate because they want to be healthier. So Cadbury have decided to combat this by providing them with... chocolate? It's not any ordinary chocolate though, it's got some wafer in it, so that means it must be healthy. Also it comes in three separate parts, which apparently women find appealing because they're not compelled to thrust the entire bar in their face in a matter of seconds. Also, it has a fancy name, and I'm sure there's some ignorantly justified reason for that too.

So yes, it's marketed horribly. But it's a new bar, and I can't shy away from that, even if I'm breaking the gender boundaries imposed by a chocolate company. The best way I can describe this bar is if a Dairy Milk had sex with a Kinder Bueno. The wafer is pretty much the same, but the innards are filled with a smooth Cadbury chocolate. It's actually very nice, if over a bit too soon. I guess it should last me a while, seeing as I'm meant to eat it in three sittings, but clearly this bar is not for me, it's for some warped ideal of a woman that I'm afraid I'll never become.

My rating: 4/5