Today's Review: Getting Licked By A Cat

My cat sometimes like to show me affection. It's mostly in the form of snuggling or purring, which I'm fine with. There are also the times where she invited me to play with her by wrapping herself round my arm and sinking her teeth into me. That's not so great. But it's more bearable than having her lick me. Because cat tongues look like this:

Wait, is that a tongue, or a medieval torture device? Hard to say really. I know I'm overreacting compared to most people. I find it very hard to stand touching or brushing anything dry and scratchy, it doesn't feel good on my skin. But how can anyone enjoy having that abomination of nature dragged across their flesh? Those spines are made of keratin, so it's basically like being scratched by a bunch of tiny sharp fingernails. You know what they use those spines for? To groom their fur. You're weird, cats. Just get your human to brush you or something. Maybe you'd be able to bribe him with a lick or two if your tongue wasn't a freaky, spiny abomination of nature.

I guess I shouldn't care too much about what my cat does with her own creepy fingernail tongue. I just wish she would never lick me again, because I hate it with a passion.

My rating: 0/5