Thursday 31 March 2011

Today's Review: Hangovers

I woke up this morning with a hangover. Hangovers are precisely why I don't drink often, alongside the fact that I would waste large amounts of money getting to the stage where I have a hangover. I don't know how people do it every week, I guess they're used to it. But I see no fun in regularly spending my hard earned money by tipping poison into my face and having to shake off the effects the next day.

Don't get me wrong, I like to get drunk on the rare occasion. Being drunk is fun, but the aftermath ain't pretty. A hangover is basically your body kicking your ass because you poisoned yourself last night. You get a headache 'cause the ethanol made you pee out all your fluids until you were dehydrated, and you wanna puke 'cause it irritated your stomach lining too. Cue hundreds of people crawling under the covers and not wanting to come out, saying "Oh, i'll never drink again", a line which they promptly ignore the next weekend.

I had to get up with my two kids early this morning. I spent most of the next three hours lying still with my eyes closed, wishing it would all go away. A couple of years ago I woke up, moved my head, knew I was going to be sick and promptly threw up all over my hallway. When I was 15 I drank a bottle of vodka in Camden, threw up in the tube station, got put in an ambulance and taken to a hospital i'd never heard of, and didn't get my hangover until two days later, but that was a doozy.

You can see that I've gotten better. I've discovered that alcohol isn't really worth my time and money most of the time, only when I want to get stinking drunk, which is mostly on my birthday, because why not? I guess alcohol would be a bit better if it weren't for the resulting hangover. It's like if you got given a really nice present but then the next day someone punched you in the face and it hurt all day.

My rating: 0/5

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