Monday 14 March 2011

Today's Review: The Wet Patch On My Trousers

Well, it looks like I pissed myself. I haven't though. I'm sure people don't think I'm insane enough to lose control of my bladder and/or penis trajectory and then post the result on the internet. In truth, I was filling a bucket, ready to mop, 'cause I'm well domesticated like, and I briefly lost control of the shower head trajectory. I must repeat, however, that my penis trajectory control is fine.

Now that it's clear that I'm not incontinent, let's get down to the wet patch itself. It's not nice. It's wet, for one thing. I don't want part of my trousers to be wet. Granted, it's better than having the entire pair of trousers wet, but I still don't want it. Trousers should be dry. They're designed to keep you warm and protected. This. Ruined. Everything.

When I walk, my leg gets slightly wet, and the thing about water is that even if it starts out as warm and wet, it soon descends into the cold and wet. I am displeased. Every step is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable I say! And whilst I know with absolute certainty that this was not a pee pee related incident, the wet patch itself is ambiguous, and the first conclusion people with jump to is of course stray urine. Woe is me, I am sullied with the patch of shame!

Actually, while I was writing this, the patch has pretty much dried out. Order is almost restored. So I guess there is a good side to wet patches, and it is that they dry out pretty quickly. Especially with warm laptops on top of them. I'll deal with my irradiated testicles later.

My rating:

See? Because I was mopping. I WAS MOPPING!

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