Thursday 7 July 2011

Today's Review: Strawberry Puffs

What is this madness? Not Sugar Puffs, but Strawberry Puffs. Crazy! This is not the type of breakfast cereal I'd buy on a whim, but since all the cereals were on a 3 for 2 offer I could at least be safe in the knowledge that I had some backup cereals should this one fail to please me.

Good thing too, because Strawberry Puffs are very strange. I poured myself a bowl and got to munching, only to be confronted with a familiar taste. You know what that taste was? Sugar Puffs. Well, slightly off-tasting Sugar Puffs, but Sugar Puffs all the same. Not a hint of strawberry at all. I felt cheated. Betrayed. How could they draw me in like that, promising the sweet taste of Sugar Puffs augmented by a juicy strawberry taste? It's a lie, a damn dirty lie!

Well, actually, I had to do a little control test just to be sure, so I sampled a dry handful of puffs. To my surprise there was a slight strawberry taste, but it seems the addition of milk cancels that out completely. Which is a bit pointless because who drinks cereal without milk? No one. I beat even lactose intolerant people would prefer to have unsteady bowls than to eat cereal dry. 

Anyway, the strawberry taste isn't too great anyway. Probably because the only element in the ingredients that has anything to do with strawberries is the 0.5% of "Strawberry Powder", and an even smaller amount of "natural strawberry flavouring". Sounds delightful. I guess the milk absorbs all the powder and destroys it because it is a pussy. Or perhaps the fact that there's five times as much honey in the cereal masks the flavour anyway.

The only conclusion I can reach is that the creators of Strawberry Puffs simply aim to trick you into tasting the strawberry flavour by bombarding you with strawberry imagery. Just look at that picture of the box, it looks like a giant strawberry. Plus it's "Limited Edition", better taste those strawberries fast, kids, they're not gonna be here forever.

Then you have the back, with a big picture of a strawberry, and a strawberry related joke for you to chuckle at. "Why were the little strawberries upset? Because their parents were in a jam!" Let laughter commence. So, with all these strawberry thoughts floating through your brain, you're prepared to shove a big old spoonful of cereal in your face and go to strawberry heaven.

Well, it doesn't happen folks, don't be fooled. The back of the box there also contains several honey jokes and references. They don't want you to forget that this is still a honey-based cereal, just like Sugar Puffs. Don't get me wrong, Sugar Puffs are great, apart from the bit where your pee smells like them after eating. But to lure me in with the promise of strawberries and fail to deliver? Shame on you, shame on you.

My rating: 1/5


  1. where can you buy these from? I would love to try them hahaha

  2. I just looked on the Tesco and Asda website and they're nowhere to be seen... Perhaps my scathing review has forced them to stop selling.

  3. 'Which is a bit pointless because who drinks cereal without milk? No one.'

    Yeah you're right no one 'drinks' cereal they 'eat' it lmao

  4. Well, it depends on how slushed up in the milk the cereal is, and also how big your throat is.

    But yes, you are correct. Good spot. I rarely proofread my posts, because I'm some kind of daredevil I guess. I'll have to tell my regular proof reader that he's slacking. I say proofreader, but I mean my friend who reads most of my reviews and hones in on any kind of mistake.

    I would change it, but then either your comment would look silly or I would look petty. So let this be a warning to everyone that I do not condone the drinking of cereal.