Today's Review: Burger Toast

Yeah, that's right, Burger Toast. Have you never had a nice big helping of Burger Toast before? I found this delightful sounding product nestled amongst the Fray & Bentos pies and Spam, in the "foods that will outlast you in the apocalypse" section. Now, despite the title, this doesn't contain any toast, you have to supply that yourself. No, this is a "delicious" topping for toast that will apparently make it taste just like a burger, because that's a thing I've been missing in my life. Of course, this comes in a can, so let's open up that bad boy and see what's inside.

Mmm, that looks amazing. Well, it probably would if I were a dog. It looks like dog food, it smells like dog food, I dipped my finger in for a little sample, and hell, it tastes like dog food too. At least, what I assume dog food to taste like, I can't say I've eaten dog food before. It's a meaty paste that somehow fails to taste like any meat I've ever eaten. But hey, this isn't meant to be eaten straight from the can, it's meant to be spread on toast, so maybe that would redeem it. It's not just the toast you need either, the directions on the can say you spread it on toast, pop some cheese on top and then grill it. I assumed double cooking it would at least kill some of the evil residing within, so I gave it a shot. The can called for a processed cheese slice (of course), but I only had some Cathedral City, so I put some thin slices on top and stuck it in the grill.

There we have it, indistinguishable from a cheeseburger to the eyes, but what about the taste? Thankfully, the cheddar had actual flavour, so it pretty much tasted like cheese on toast, but with something evil lurking beneath the surface. There was a hint of meatiness, although "meat" may be pushing it. I'll tell you now, it didn't taste like a burger, and despite not really tasting the stuff during consumption, I was left with a subtle, foul, paste-like aftertaste for a while. I don't know what would possess someone to buy this. I did it so I can pass on my wisdom to you guys. Just in case you're thinking of buying Burger Toast, don't. You'll probably want to pass on the Pizza Toast as well, but if you've tried it and it actually resembles food, please let me know.

My rating: 0/5