Today's Review: Being The Tooth Fairy

My daughter has lost four teeth in the past two weeks. Not because she's been punched in the face, but because she's of the age where her teeth are falling out all over the place. Naturally, where children are concerned, it's traditional to inform them that a magical, ethereal fairy will come into their bedroom while they sleep, buy their tooth off them for a fixed sum, and take it back to do whatever the hell she does with it. I guess the Tooth Fairy has an Etsy page for hand crafted tooth necklaces.

But we all know there's no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, therefore it's my job to perform the switch over in the dead of night (or, like, 8:30 when she's in a deep enough sleep). Before this latest outburst of tooth loss, we've only had to deal with two, and to be fair we got off to a rocky start. We completely forgot about the second one, meaning my daughter woke up to a tooth still under her pillow, and pretty upset. What do you do in a situation like that? Well, the correct answer is you leave a stylised letter from the Tooth Fairy the next night, apologising and stating she's paying double. But in the last two weeks, I've become a hot shot at the intricate tooth swapping manoeuvre. Remembering to do it is just the first step.

It's good to ensure that the tooth is in some kind of packaging, be it an envelope or piece of tissue. This saves you having to rummage around too much under your child's head. Still, my daughter has so far liked to place her head directly on top of her tooth, meaning I have to shove my hand underneath her. Thankfully, she's a heavy sleeper, but I can imagine this could be a problem for people with kids who wake up at the slightest movement. What do you do if your child stirs while you're elbow deep in their pillow? I figure I'd just act like I was checking to see if the Tooth Fairy had been. Kids'll believe anything. Once you've got the tooth out, the rest is pretty easy. Thankfully I've always had a pound on hand to replace the tooth with, and replacing it is just a matter of slipping it under the closest side of the pillow. Then it's time to sneak out of the bedroom, and inhale the tooth to retain your youthful complexion. That's what it's for, right?

All in all, playing Tooth Fairy isn't all that difficult. There may be a few hiccups on the first few attempts, but after a while it's pretty plain sailing, especially if you can help your child place the tooth to avoid jostling them too much. Personally, I find placing crinkly stockings to be much more nerve racking. But that's a review for another, more festive time.

My rating: 4/5